help? advice? Im not sure

I really confused and i really need some help or advice or just something i dont even no where to post this..

ok a bit of background info for new people who may wish to post on this, i have a 17 months old daughter and her dad & i have been seperated on and off for a year now, she still has regular contact with her dad & his family.

I have met a new guy we have been together 2 months but i work with him so I have known him alot longer and we both cant believe we been together only 2 months it feels like a lot longer.

I have been broody for quite a while now for a second child izzy will be 2 this summer and I have always wanted my children to be 2-3years apart, i never thought her dad & i would break up (if you know what i mean)

My best mate who had her daughter 6 weeks after izzy told me yesterday that shes 9 1/2 weeks pregnant and that has made my broodiness even worse and i really dont know what to do as that night before she told me I had a dream i had another baby a little boy which i told my bf about when i woke up and then i saw my mate a few hours later and she told me she was pregnant and we both said about how weird it would be that we werent going to be pregnant at the same time comparing bumps etc.

my bf then told me last night that he been feeling broody for the past few weeks and that he sees children in his future and he sees me in his future and basically asked if i would want to have a baby with him (like start trying now basically)

i really dont know what to do cos part of me really wants a baby but another part of me not sure cos i always thought i would have all my kids with the same guy and i really dont know what to do.

does anyone have any advice im so confused and he texted me apologising for messing my head up and he kept apologising this morning after he told me last night. i told him if we did it would change everything in our relationship and listed all the things that would change and he said he was okay with that he really wants to have a baby.

well if it was me I would wait a bit longer,give your relationship more time to develop and grow,if he is the one for you then you will have plenty time to have a baby rather than rushing things just because you feel broody,you also have your lo to think about and that she also needs time to adust to your new relationship and bond with your new partner,you dont want her to feel pushed out if a new baby came along,I do think its important to cherish the time when are los are young and spend as much quality time as possible with them,as they grow up so fast,

i know you have known this guy for a very long time - but that was just on a work basis - your only just learning about the real him, what hes like on the inside, not just his work front.i think in a relationship of only 2months is not giving you the chance to make up your mind at whether hes the one u want as the father of ur child - to take over izzys dad. and what happens if the same things happen again - he ups and leaves as its too much for him? id leave it at least a year, it gives u the time to decide if he really is the one - as much as u want another baby,its izzy that counts,let him show u what a father figure he can be to her - and if he proves u right - then start tyring, if not, then u know to hold back.i think we all get broody at hearing other people pregnant - seeing other peoples newborns,i had my mate round with her 8wk old baby - it made me want another even more than i do now lol!

dreams mean nothing hun - in actual fact, what u dream is supposed to mean the opposite in life - dreaming of a death means a birth and vice versa - weird aint it!

just do what u think is right - alls we can do is offer advice. only you know what is best.

thanks he is really good with izzy 7 izzy really seems to like him (she follows him everywhere & cries if she cant)

i know dreams usually mean the opposite & i really wish in my case that was true but normally when i dream about something it normally happens which worries me (i hope that doesnt sound weird)

well as long as you are careful with contraception it shouldnt happen,and if he really is the one for you whats the rush,personally I would be wary of anyone wanting to rush things but thats just me,

im very wary as i was seeing a guy who is a complete fruitcake lol he kept telling me he was going to make a hole in the condoms cos he wanted to get me pregnant and then told me if i did get pregnant he would lock me up so i couldnt go out and have an abortion (i dont believe in them anyway) but as soon as he said that he was out the door and then he harrassed me with endless phone calls for a few days.

the guy i am seeing he is very genuine and understands i need to think serious about it and keeps apologising for telling me as he doesnt want me to think hes pushing me into things too soon as he knows its a big step but he knows he wants to be with me and have kids with me.

ellee1984 said:
im very wary as i was seeing a guy who is a complete fruitcake lol he kept telling me he was going to make a hole in the condoms cos he wanted to get me pregnant and then told me if i did get pregnant he would lock me up so i couldnt go out and have an abortion (i dont believe in them anyway) but as soon as he said that he was out the door and then he harrassed me with endless phone calls for a few days.

the guy i am seeing he is very genuine and understands i need to think serious about it and keeps apologising for telling me as he doesnt want me to think hes pushing me into things too soon as he knows its a big step but he knows he wants to be with me and have kids with me.

WELL THATS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULD WAIT,

well he speaking to his best mate today who has a baby and maybe that might change his mind for a bit.

im just scared cos in my family my mum had 2 miscarriages & an ectopic between me and my brother and my nan told me that no matter how much they tried she couldnt concieve a second child after she had my mum so it appears that theyer emaybe a problem in my family with concieving more than one child on my mums side maybe im being paranoid i dont know

thank you are a little hun,look if you are meant to have a 2nd child then you will but please make sure you have a relationship with good foundations and one thats going to last,you need to be settled and living together first in a ideal world,children are usually the thing that splits couples up as its so hard work,enjoy your relationship time and each others company first,and think if you cant do that in the first few months then maybe something isnt right,

thats what i had with izzys dad we were getting married and living together.

i told my bf that having a baby would change everything about us and i dont think id get maternity pay this time as im on an adhoc contract and he said ill get a better paid job to support us and that he knows it will change everything he seems mind set that he would like to have a baby with me and told me he not going to pressurise me into. im seieng my friend tomorrow who is having a baby and im going to talk to her as she knows both of us and im going to talk to another one of my mates who knows both of us aswell.

its just I know you have know him along time but if I was seeing someone for only a few months I wouldnt even of got round to mentioning kids etc,I wouldnt of even told them my feelings about them as it would be still very early days

by the sounds of it he seems TOO set on having a baby!! whats his big rush?? sounds abit scarey to me and i would be ratherfreaked out if it was a guy like that with me! 😲

makes him sound like the controlling type - hes fine for now but once your carrying his child he feels he has more of a hold on you!

it sounds very similar to my sisters ex (the father of my neice) it took my sister 10yrs to get out of a very verbal and physical abusive relationship - because he was the 'im so sorry,i love you, itl never happen again,i cant live without u' type.her relationship was great - til she fel preg, then it started... seeing her like that just makes me even more wary of people!

hes told me he not pressurising me into it if i dont want to yet he just wanted to tell me just in case i guess cos he realised how broody i am. i told him i need to seriously think. maybe his mate who i also work with will make him see it too early im not sure. im going to speak to my mates who know us both who i dont work with and see what there opinions are on it aswell and then have a talk to him in a few days but ive been out with controlling, i been out with guys who been violent and abusive both physically & mentally and he never shown any of telltale signs of that to me hes been sweet and caring. he buys me food when i cant afford it and offers me money to pay bills if im short he really looks after me.

well I guess the general view is that you should wait a year or so before you think about trying for a baby but I guess if your gonna do it, which is what I think you will do, you will!

he buys me food when i cant afford it and offers me money to pay bills if im short he really looks after me.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm is this what you want someone to look after you,I would hold back hun big time,if he is the one then there is no rush,

isnt it wat we all want someone to look after us and make us feel safe and secure?

ellee1984 said:
i been out with guys who been violent and abusive both physically & mentally and he never shown any of telltale signs of that to me hes been sweet and caring. he buys me food when i cant afford it and offers me money to pay bills if im short he really looks after me.

there are no tell tale signs in any abusive relationship til it happens hun! if we knew the guys were abusive from the start abuse wouldnt get to the point which it does,we wouldnt look twice at the guy as wed see these 'tell tale signs' which u say.

yes but not with money,and I wouldnt let anyone pay my bills and buy food after just a couple of months of dating,sounds like the first signs of being controlled hun,

ellee1984 said:
isnt it wat we all want someone to look after us and make us feel safe and secure?

i dont want a man who thinks money is the fix of all problems! a want a man who is there for me - money is nothing compared to a future of upset,or a future of anything for that matter.id find it rather degrading if a guy told me hes filled my cupboards and payed my bills - id feel he was implying that i cant do it!
a man who 'looks after u' is a controlling one - everything u are saying here is just bringing everything back with my sister - look hun,like jojo has already sed - its ur life and we can only tell u what we think,to be honest - like jojo said, i think you will give in to him as it seems uv already made up ur mind.he seems to control things and u seem defensive of him - its how it happens hun.

i just hope for ur sake that he is a great guy and in the future u do settle down and have a baby - and that it lasts.

Hayley_Kev said:

ellee1984 said:
isnt it wat we all want someone to look after us and make us feel safe and secure?

i dont want a man who thinks money is the fix of all problems! a want a man who is there for me - money is nothing compared to a future of upset,or a future of anything for that matter.id find it rather degrading if a guy told me hes filled my cupboards and payed my bills - id feel he was implying that i cant do it!
a man who 'looks after u' is a controlling one - everything u are saying here is just bringing everything back with my sister - look hun,like jojo has already sed - its ur life and we can only tell u what we think,to be honest - like jojo said, i think you will give in to him as it seems uv already made up ur mind.he seems to control things and u seem defensive of him - its how it happens hun.

i just hope for ur sake that he is a great guy and in the future u do settle down and have a baby - and that it lasts.

totally agree hun,but just remember you already have a lo to think about,and she should be first in all this,it really does look like you have made up your mind and I hope for your sake everything works out for you both,but your taking a risk and it wouldnt be one that I would take,