How to handle miserable 18 month old?
4 Parent's Answers
I hate to say it, but Fun With Toddlers starts NOW. You've heard of the "Terrible Twos?" In typically developing children, it starts earlier than 24 months -- and is usually in full force by 18 months. It's time to change gears from what used to work when she was a baby -- to what she needs now, as a toddler.What that means is that you'll have to start setting limits, letting her know your expectations, and ignoring lots of annoying behavior. I know it's maddening to be whined at all day, because our parental brains are wired to RESPOND to our babies. But whining isn't the way to get our attention -- and the only way to teach that is by experience. The more her vocabulary increases, the less she'll need to whine, so really respond positively to her attempts to tell you -- using her words -- what she needs. If she whines, say, "I only listen to nice words." Ignore her whining when you can.
But sometimes, she'll be sick, teething, or just needing to regress a little. On those days, try to give her a little extra attention and loving -- even if she is whiny. You're letting her know that you understand she doesn't feel her best -- and that you're there for her when she needs you. When she's feeling better, you can go back to the "I only listen to nice words" routine. This is a lesson that often takes YEARS to learn, so figure out a way of putting in some "mental earplugs" when it's really starting to get to you!
One of your twins seems to be experiencing a change in mood and behavior. There may be several possible reasons for this change, including changes in the environment or public health. It is necessary to be understanding and empathetic with your child and express your inner feelings in a calm and stable manner. You may try to calm her down and provide her with comfort and security. She may also need to learn more about events or changes that may have occurred recently that are affecting her emotional state. If the problem persists and worsens, it may be a good idea to consult a pediatrician to evaluate the condition and rule out any health problems that need attention. The doctor can direct you to the appropriate specialty if necessary. Don't hesitate to seek additional support if you are feeling upset or worried about your baby's condition. You can consult special education or psychological specialists to obtain advice and guidance appropriate for you and your family.
Dealing with separation anxiety and changes in behavior in young toddlers can be challenging, especially with the added dynamics of having twins. Here are some strategies to help manage your twin's behavior and address her distress:
Understanding the Behavior
Separation Anxiety: At 18 months, separation anxiety is common as toddlers become more aware of their surroundings and develop strong attachments. It’s a phase that many children go through and can be intensified by changes in routine or environment.
Emotional Development: Toddlers are still learning to manage their emotions and communicate their needs. Crying when you leave the room or when given instructions like "sit on your bottom" can be a sign of frustration or confusion.
Strategies to Address the Behavior
Comfort and Reassurance: Comfort your child when she is distressed. Reassurance can help her feel secure and understood. Offer a comforting hug or verbal reassurance when she cries. This helps her know that she is safe and that you are there for her.
Gradual Separation: Practice short separations and gradually increase the time you spend apart. This can help your child become more accustomed to being away from you without feeling overwhelmed. Start with brief separations and reassure her when you return.
Consistent Routine: Maintain a consistent routine as much as possible. Predictable routines can provide a sense of security and help reduce anxiety. Try to keep daily activities and transitions as smooth as possible.
Positive Reinforcement: Use positive reinforcement to encourage desired behaviors. Praise her when she follows instructions or plays independently for short periods. This helps build her confidence and shows her that she can cope with being apart.
Model Calm Behavior: Stay calm and composed when dealing with her distress. Children often pick up on their parents' emotions, so maintaining a calm demeanor can help her feel more secure.
Provide Distractions: Offer engaging toys or activities that can capture her attention and distract her from the separation. This can help her feel less focused on your absence.
Clear Communication: When giving instructions, use simple and clear language. Avoid making commands sound like punishments. For example, instead of saying "sit on your bottom," you might say, "Let's sit down together."
Seek Professional Advice if Needed
If her behavior persists or if you notice other concerning signs, consider consulting a pediatrician or child psychologist. They can offer additional insights and strategies tailored to your child's needs.
Balancing Attention with Twins
Balancing attention between twins can be challenging, but it’s important to ensure both children feel loved and secure. Here are a few additional tips:
Quality Time: Spend individual time with each twin to build their sense of security and reinforce your bond with them.
Encourage Interaction: Foster positive interactions between the twins. Allow them to play together and learn to share and cooperate.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from family or friends if you need a break or additional support.
Navigating this phase requires patience and empathy. By providing comfort, maintaining a consistent routine, and offering positive reinforcement, you can help your daughter feel more secure and supported.
Definitely comfort her. With fraternal twins one of them can be emotionally more needy than the other. That usually continues into adulthood. Not in a debilitating way. But you can see the difference clearly.
I can only make guesses regarding your girl. It might be that the other twin fell ill or in some way took a lot of your attention at one stage that this girl feels like she has to be demanding to get attention. Another possibility is that you might have left them without telling them you are leaving a few times. They might have thought you are in the house, but when they looked for you or called you, they found that you weren't there. Even if both twins experienced it, one of them could be more affected by it. Feeling fearful that if she isn't cautious, keep you in sight or cling on to you, you might leave without a word.
Have you had any reason to divide your attention more than before? A new pet? A new job? I hope the child's health is fine. Kids with asthma tendencies and gas issues can sometimes be whiny and sort of try and cling to an adult...I personally know only of kids with these issues. Maybe any general weakness can make babies wanna cuddle up to a carer.
Don't neglect. Please, please, don't. She needs to feel secure. I don't think she's being fussy. You can try and talk to her, actually. I know her vocabulary won't be strong. But sometimes, if you take them to a peaceful space and ask them questions in a caring tone, they actually do try to communicate...and you may find your answers.
My nephew is almost 2. I have always insisted that nobody sneak away without letting him know, no matter how upset he might be of us leaving. However, one of us did sneak away to make things easier, many times. And now my nephew won't even eat or go to toilet unless he can be very sure that
the person is not leaving. He might run to toilet half way and then run back to check on the person and if he cannot find, will break into tears.
The same nephew once cried for hours one night. Nobody knew the reason. He was about 21 months old, and a bit behind in speech. The next day we asked him why he was crying. And he managed to let us know without any standard words that he had tooth ache. My niece had trouble going to sleep when she was 2. She would resist sleeping so much, it was very hard for us. Then I talked to her. I found out that she felt that if she sleeps, she won't be home any more. Explaining to her that she will still be home, even if she has dreams and all of us will be in the house with her, helped her not be too afraid.
So...I feel you can try asking the baby without seeming frustrated. I know it has been a month. If you found out the reason, please do share. It might help me.