Pregnant, and so upset.....

((((((((((((huge hugs))))))))))) to you hun. i think everyone has said what i would have said. please take care and hope yr birthday is a good one xxxxx

Ok, it is Monday and I am back. Let me start off with what happened Friday. I went home and he had been home from work showered dressed and out. I went to bed at like 11 and he was still not home and No phone call. I called him like 3 times through out the night and no answer.
I woke up Saturday morning at 6:30am and he was asleep on the sofa. I went back to bed until 10. He woke up shortly after. I asked him what was happening and he just kept saying "what do you want me to say".
Later he told me that he didn't mean anything he said and that he was just angry and had all kinds of thoughts running through his head and couldn't sort them out and that he was drinking and it all just came out. He apologised but it was all very blank. No explaination....no empathy. He hurt me so bad....Now I am questioning this baby. I already have a 7 year old son that I am a single parent of I am not about to do it again. I honestly didn't ever think of that as an option. I just saw a positive future. He has taken that all away from me. Now I am seeing mostly negative. If he couldn't get through one week of the pregnancy without telling me he doesn't want me or the baby how is he going to get through the rest of our lives??????
He won't talk to me. Won't get into any details. He says that he already said what was going on in his mind and why he acted that way. If I try to bring it back up he gets frustrated and annoyed.
My birthday was awful. No one called me, no friends, no family....no one. Well my mom did at 7:00pm. I was feeling really sad and sorry for myself. I can't stand the way I am feeling.
I am so angry. I wanted this baby more than anything...but I cannot do it on my own. How could I be so stupid to think that I really had something with this guy????
What have I done????
Now I don't know what to do. I am so scared. I cannot handle this stress. What do I do????

Jennie.

Hey, you're back, how did it go?? I hope things are better for you after the weekend?

I did post the update. Thanks for noticing me online. That is nice.
Read my prior post. That will give you the update.
Jennie.

jennie4isaac said:
Ok, it is Monday and I am back. Let me start off with what happened Friday. I went home and he had been home from work showered dressed and out. I went to bed at like 11 and he was still not home and No phone call. I called him like 3 times through out the night and no answer.
I woke up Saturday morning at 6:30am and he was asleep on the sofa. I went back to bed until 10. He woke up shortly after. I asked him what was happening and he just kept saying "what do you want me to say".
Later he told me that he didn't mean anything he said and that he was just angry and had all kinds of thoughts running through his head and couldn't sort them out and that he was drinking and it all just came out. He apologised but it was all very blank. No explaination....no empathy. He hurt me so bad....Now I am questioning this baby. I already have a 7 year old son that I am a single parent of I am not about to do it again. I honestly didn't ever think of that as an option. I just saw a positive future. He has taken that all away from me. Now I am seeing mostly negative. If he couldn't get through one week of the pregnancy without telling me he doesn't want me or the baby how is he going to get through the rest of our lives??????
He won't talk to me. Won't get into any details. He says that he already said what was going on in his mind and why he acted that way. If I try to bring it back up he gets frustrated and annoyed.
My birthday was awful. No one called me, no friends, no family....no one. Well my mom did at 7:00pm. I was feeling really sad and sorry for myself. I can't stand the way I am feeling.
I am so angry. I wanted this baby more than anything...but I cannot do it on my own. How could I be so stupid to think that I really had something with this guy????
What have I done????
Now I don't know what to do. I am so scared. I cannot handle this stress. What do I do????

Jennie.

Sorry Jennie, you must have been typing this while I posted my last response.

Do you have a Dr or a social worker you can talk to. In Rhode Island the department of human services has social workers and counselers whom you can talk to in situations like this. Maybe PA has something similiar, a pregnancy hot line you can call maybe? My daughters father broke up with me the day I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death about doing it on my own. We are not together but after he realized I didn't want to have an abortion and wasn't going to get one he decided he'd have to step up and be a father wether he liked it or not. He now has a great relationship with our daughter. If you opt not to go through with this pregnancy than I don't think you will be judged for that here. Just know that there is help out there if you choose to try to do this on your own. If you'd like to, private mail me and I can see if I can find some info or someone you can talk to in your area. I know you're working and it's not easy to do these things while you're at work, so if I can help, I'd be glad to ok hun.
Tammy

http://www.dpw.state.pa.us/Family/

I just did a little checking, this site has alot of info for Pa families in need of emotional to financial assistance. Maybe you can find something here. I think most importantly is some how, some way you have to get yourself to a calmer point, I know right now that is so much easier said than done.'

And I forgot to say Happy Birthday to you before. I'm sorry that it didn't turn out so good this year, but there are gonna be good times ahead for you 😘

Wow...that is beyond nice. I want this baby, but I want him here with me. He says he is...but now I don't trust him. He is acting like everything that happened is no big deal...like it is ok to say things like that and me to forgive and forget. That is impossible. I am very on gaurd right now, very untrusting, and very hurt. How do I get over that??
Will I ever be able to trust him after the things he said.
I want to but I am scared that will happen again....He couldn't make it through one week and The worst part is that nothing happened to trigger it. We were getting along like a fairy tale book...he went to help the neighbor and came back like a horror story. What happened....He cannot explain it.
The worse part is he is acting like he is not even sorry. He said sorry, says he means it...but is not being there emotionally for me...not answering my questions...just getting more and more adgitated by my insecurities...even though he is the reason for all of it.
He just keeps saying that I want him to repeat himself over and over with the same story....I just keep asking him in different ways. That is sorta true...I need reassurance, I am feeling insecure..I told him this, explained it exactly how I was feeling and what I needed from him...He gets annoyed and that makes me more upset because it makes me feel like he doesn't care. I tell him that too and he says, don't you want to let this go and just see for yourself what is going to happen??? He even said that stressing him out even more is not helping the situation any.............Can you believe that????
Stressing him out????
I cannot get over him, what he did, and how I am feeling.
Jennie.

hey I havent been on for a few days so only just seen this post! hope all is ok hun! sending big ((((((hugs))))) your way! i really dont have any other advice other than what hapydazy has already given you hun! but just wanted you to know we are all here for you hun! xxx

😘 Hi hun welcome to jp.I dont really have any advise but i do agree with what everyone has posted.Take care of your self and your babies.I hope things start looking up for you.xxxx

I don't know hun, maybe just try to let it go for now and see if he comes around more. As much as you guys both planned this together it is probably a big shock to him as well... maybe this is just his reaction to stress and worry (not that it makes it right for him to treat you this way). I know with my boyfriend when he's moody, I just back off and if I keep asking him what's wrong it gets him more irritated. His is usually work related or mother of his daughter related stress but I now know that after a little bit he's back to his happy, cheery self (usually within an hour, but this is a big time stress for you and your partner). Maybe that will be the case with your partner? he just may need time to let it all sink in and then be happy about it again...

I have really taken that into consideration and would be able to accept that except that he has been so neglectful of my emotional needs since. How can he be so cold???? It is like he doesn't care that he hurt me. He is actually annoyed that I am hurt. I don't get that. I asked him what he expected to come home to after all he said and then he goes out Friday because he doesn't want to deal with it....then he comes home passes out on the sofa and then what did he expect???? Am I wrong, he is hurting me even more with the way he is acting because it is making me feel like he ment what he said and I told him this and he gets annoyed.....What is wrong with putting my mind at ease after he messed it all up? Am I asking for too much?
Am I being unreasonable????
I need advise.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Jennie.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, it just sounds to me like he's got a lot going on in his head too and maybe he just doesn't know how to express what he's feeling so he is withdrawing instead. I hope that's the case and you guys can work through this...does he have a friend or family member that he talks to that maybe you could get some more insight from? I just really feel for you honey cuz I was there and at exactly the same age as you but it was my first child and didn't have another one to worry about while I was under all the stress. It really has turned out with a happy and pretty good situation for all so I hope it works out that way for you too. Just remember, with or with out him, you are not alone, you have your son and you have people here to talk to.
😘
Tammy

Thanks so much Tammy. I am really in need of support. I am so confused. He says that what is going on is exactly what you said. I am having a hard time accepting that. I am not comfortable with things anymore....I cannot trust him for security...and that is bad. Security is so important to me. I would be so lost without him but I would not be hurting as bad as I am right now.
He has let me down before in the security area. Whenever I go to him feeling insecure he pushes me away, which is exactly the opposite of what I am looking for. Either he doesn't care about me, which is how I am feeling or he is incapable of giving that emotional security, which I feel he would still be supportive of me and at least show empathy toward how I am feeling. He doesn't. And this is by far the biggest and worst situation that he could turn his back on me. How can you love someone and treat them like that?
Jennie.

Hi again sweety... listen this is going to sound a little harsh and it's only from an outside point of view and not knowing your partner, but it sounds to me like maybe it's security you see in him more than love and maybe his feelings for you aren't what you thought they were and he is afraid to be totally honest about it. From what I've read from you it sounds like you guys don't have a good communication thing going when you need it most. Maybe these are some flags you need to look at now. I know the feeling of insecurity too, but if you don't try to go out on your own you'll never know the strength you have in you (does that make sense?) I'm not saying pack up and leave and never look back, but just consider how you're feeling right now when you both need each other's support the most. Again this is just an outside perspective but it just sounds like he's not feeling this whole thing and you need to think about yourself, your son and what YOU want to do about the pregnancy. You can do this with out him. He will be forced to be 1/2 financially responsible for this child so you can count on that. If he has a job they will take it right out of his pay check. There is financial assistance out there too, don't let pride be any factor in asking for help, it's there for a reason and we pay taxes for that reason. There are great stepping stones out there to get you back on your feet again. I say this all now as my daughter is 4 years old and almost 5 years ago when I found out I was pregnant I thought, what the 😠 am I gonna do?? I did what I had to do and it's a struggle every day but when I look at her face and hear her words to me, it's worth every fricking tear I have cried over stress that wouldn't be there if it weren't for her too. But, I can't imagine with out her in my life that's for sure 🙂

Ok....Mostly you are correct.
I do not look for security in him for anything other than EMOTIONAL SECURITY.
I make more money than him..the house was rented first by me..my name on the lease..he moved in with me. Yes he does help me financially.
That is not where my concerns are. I need to know that he will be there for me..for the baby...for our family. I like to feel secure in my relationship and I think I should feel secure. I raised my son for 4 years all by myself...his father doesn't give one penny...a dead beat dad. My BF now has other children that he pays child support for...the reason I make more than him...
I don't want him staying with me because of that...not wanting more child support comming out of his check...wanting a roof over his head...yes he could get an apt but he would really struggle much more than we do now. And the effort to put into that is a struggle in itself...I am feeling that he is just settling to be with me. Like he doesn't really want this. But that he is afraid to say it...you hit the nail right on the head there.

You have been so helpful...I just have to give you more info little by little. It is so confusing...I do know that.

I am confused myself. I don't know if I am puting too much into this or if I am right with how I feel. It is 50/50. I just feel the need to protect myself from getting hurt. Only with that I am afraid of making the wrong choice.

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

jennie4isaac said:
Ok....Mostly you are correct.
I do not look for security in him for anything other than EMOTIONAL SECURITY.
I make more money than him..the house was rented first by me..my name on the lease..he moved in with me. Yes he does help me financially.
That is not where my concerns are. I need to know that he will be there for me..for the baby...for our family. I like to feel secure in my relationship and I think I should feel secure. I raised my son for 4 years all by myself...his father doesn't give one penny...a dead beat dad. My BF now has other children that he pays child support for...the reason I make more than him...
I don't want him staying with me because of that...not wanting more child support comming out of his check...wanting a roof over his head...yes he could get an apt but he would really struggle much more than we do now. And the effort to put into that is a struggle in itself...I am feeling that he is just settling to be with me. Like he doesn't really want this. But that he is afraid to say it...you hit the nail right on the head there.

You have been so helpful...I just have to give you more info little by little. It is so confusing...I do know that.

I am confused myself. I don't know if I am puting too much into this or if I am right with how I feel. It is 50/50. I just feel the need to protect myself from getting hurt. Only with that I am afraid of making the wrong choice.

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

That's what I meant hun, the emotionally security was what your were looking for but not getting from him. I guess ya do have to consider too that your hormones are all out of wack and maybe you're just feeling more insecure than you normally would in certain situations. Sounds to me like you have gotten yourself calmed down enough to be able to stand back and look at the situation, that is a really good start 🙂 and hopefully tonight you guys can talk about more and get to the bottom of what HE is feeling right now. Like I said before please feel free to private mail me, I know from experience, just talking about things sometimes can put them in a better perspective 😘

well hun it sounds like you have these options,forget everything your partner has said and start a fresh beginning as a family and continue with the pregnancy,or finish with partner and have the baby yourself and raise both your children as a single parent,or stay with partner but have a abortion and hope things can return to normal but think it would be unlikely,or finish with partner and have a abortion and continue to raise your only child,if it was me (which it is not) and I really loved my partner I would give him another chance and continue with the pregnancy and hope things work out,and if they didnt at least I can say I tried and its his loss,unless of course you dont love him enough to ever forgive him and you see no future together then you would have to decide what you would do about the pregnancy which would be your personal choice,but I do think you need to sit down with your partner and talk and say that if you both dont discuss these problems together than you see no future in your realationship,it sounds like he has sort of said sorry and that he didnt mean what he said which is better than nothing,but again its down to how much you love and want to be with this man,good luck with your decision and hope in a few months time you have sorted things out and you are feeling more positve about your future,JO

Thanks JOJo for posting....I lost the link to this forum. I couldn't get here to give any updates.
They emailed me that you posted and it gave the link.

Anyway.....We are moving forward. We talked Tuesday night and last night some more. He told me that I keep asking him to repeat himself over and over and it is irratating...all weekend. He also said that he was saying what I wanted to hear but I wasn't hearing him. I thought it over and told him that I agreed with him...that I put a wall up to protect myself from him and that by doing that I do believe I may have blocked what he was saying. I also understand that I have been asking him to keep reasuring me. I told him that I am very insecure and need that reasurance. He was way more understanding. I needed that. He apologised again and assured me that nothing like that would ever come out of his mouth ever again. He told me that he would be more supportive but I have to stop pushing him so much....
I do get that. I just cannot believe the things he said and it really ruined any trust I had in him. I am working on it though. I have been very emotional and anxious. Could I really have overreacted??????
I guess people can get angry enough to say things they don't mean. I just don't get it.
Not everyone handles things the same though. I tend to protect others while he tends to protect himself. I guess in my life I got used to being hurt and he learned to hurt others before they hurt him.
We are complete opposites in that area.
Things are settled down and I sure pray they stay that way.
I do love him and want a family with him and Isaac and our new baby. That thought keeps me happy.

Glad I got to come back and post an update.

Hapy daze must be wondering what in the world happened to me.

Talk to you guys soon. Jennie.

am so pleased you have sorted things out,sounds like your going to make a go of it and I wish you all the happiness in the world hun,good luck with the pregnancy and stay in touch JO

You got it....Will do!!!!!!!!!!!1

I just want to be happy. I will try real hard to hold this all together....I just need his help...I cannot do it all on my own. I cannot have him giving up on us, and me still hanging on. I don't want to hear any talk of him not wanting me or the baby...No talk of us not being together down the road...to me that is not in the future plans. I told him this and he agreed. He says he is there for me 100%. I am going to hold him to that.
I also am going to forgive and try and forget....If we are ment to be we will be, if not...well then that is what is ment to be. I am not gonna push for an end to us though because that is not what I want. Up until that moment that night I was just a girl in love, happy...and having a dream come true...a baby and a family.
I am going to go back to that...I was happy there.
Talk to you soon. Jennie.