Pregnant, and so upset.....

Hi, my name is Jennie. I am a 32 year old single parent to a 7 year old boy. I have been in a relationship now for 3 years and found out last Friday that I am pregnant. 5 weeks. We were so happy. Told all of the family, everything was great. Then.... last night he starts doubting everything and saying it isn't going to work...I got all upset and cried and he was calling me crazy and saying he didn't want to have no baby with me. He said a lot of hurtful things and then insisted I get an abortion and said if I didn't he would make sure I lost this baby. I am so upset. How can things change so quickly???? On my way home from work yesterday he was so loving...telling me that when I come home I am to take a shower and do nothing else but lay on the sofa with him and watch movies. Then I got home and all was good and one of his friends from down the street came up and asked him to help hook up a new tv. He went and was gone for 3 hours and when he came back he had been drinking and that is when all the arguing began.
I am so upset and sad. Oh, then at 3 in the morning I went to the bathrooom and I was spotting...light pink only when I wiped. It has since stopped. I guess he may get what he wants. It is always forget me and how I feel and what I want.
What can I do????
We both went to work this morning and I have no idea what to expect when I get home. I don't want him to leave....I love him so much and want a family with him so badly. We have the same goals and dreams and hopes. I don't know what happened last night.
I am so confused...any suggestions????

Jennie.

Hi Jennie, I'm Tammy, I'm a single mom (but with a great boyfriend) of a 4 year girl. Has he ever been like this before? I'm sorry to be so blunt but what he said to you about hoping you lose the baby sounds a little abusive to me... Without knowing the situation it's hard to say... maybe after a talk tonight things will be better... but please, for yourself, your unborn baby and your 7 year old, if he becomes abusive over this please go tell someone and get some support. I may be being presumptious here but I have concern after reading your post. Take care of yourself, try to relax and see how things go tonight. Please keep us posted sweety, there's a good group of openminded people here to support you if you need 😘

You don't think his mate was perhaps whispering in his ear do you?..friends can be somewhat influential, if things were fine before he went out and only changed when he got back, perhaps his mate is jealous of your situation and had a few beers with ur fella and started to tell him he'd be better off without a baby on the way..I would sit down and talk it through, people do and say some very strange and bad things when they have had a few too many to drink..this does need a sit down chat to clarify things, maybe he does'nt think he'd do too well with a new one in the house, could just be down to self doubt. So sit down, and talk, open and honestly and see what happens next, he probably went to work either not remembering the previous nights discussion, or feeling very guilty.

Keep us posted..

Oh and threatening to get rid of baby is a big no no, no matter how drunk he was. Thats pretty much lowest of the low right there.

He has children from a woman prior to me. 2 of them. They are 13 and 10. He gets them when he can and I say this because his ex is crazy. She uses the children as weapons to get at him. She also fills their heads with bad views on their dad.
He worries about that and that is exactly how the conversation started. I reassure him and tell him that to me that is not ever going to be an issue because I want us to be a family. Then he asked me if I did this to trap him...entrapment.....He knew I went off my pills 8 months ago....he could have used protection...he chose not to. I thought we wanted a baby. He convinced me of that. He was so genuine. He got on his knees and cried with joy when we took that test and it came out positive. We made great big plans,,,told the families. I am so confused. What happened?????

Cannot blame it on his friend...the guy has 5 kids with his wife and another due like yesterday. His wife has been back and forth to the hospital. He would not talk my boyfriend out of a child.

And anyway if it is what you wanted how can you be talked out of it?????

Jennie

aww hun am really sorry to hear this! sending you some (((HUGS))), hope you will be able to sit and talk things through with him hun! i maybe hard but it definately need talking about ! take care and let us know how things go! xxx

sorry Jen, was just throwing out possible case scenarios, was in no way suggesting that is what was happening, really hope you get to the bottom of this.

Keep us posted

There is nothing to apologise for, I was just clarifying.

I am having the worse day of my life....at least that I can remember.
I cannot stop seeing the hate in his eyes....he said over and over that he doesn't want this baby and is so sorry I am pregnant.... He said I was an awful mom to my son because My 7 year old has behavior problems and I took him to therepy for 3 yrs and then he just kept getting thrown out of daycares and I let the doctors give him medication for hyperactivity and my boyfriend is against that he says that I make crazy babies and he does not want to have a crazy baby with me. He said so many mean and hurtful things and then the look in his eyes. He looked at me with pure hate and disgust. I am so upset and I have to be sitting here at work....I cannot cry and cannot leave. For all I know he could be home packing his things and leaving me. What am I going to do??? I cannot handle another baby and my son all by myself.
And then the thought of me spotting last night....what if I miscarry....I don't want that to happen either.
I am so anxious I want to throw up. I can't stand the way I am feeling and my mental state...well let me not even go there. What am I going to do???
I really thought we were going to be together forever. I love him so much. I wanted so much to have this family.
What went wrong????????
What should I do when I go home if he is there???
What do I do????
Jen.

Aww well firstly welcome to JP and congratulations on your pregnancy 🙂

I take it you were both trying then?
So sorry you must be feeling awful stuck at work not knowing what to expect when you get home 😘 what time do you finish??

Do you think he was just blowing out because he had too much to trink and he is scared that if you have baaby and leave him, maybe he feels he will not be able to se this baby like his ex is doing ( not that you would) and he is scared of getting close to his child and loosing all again. I hope he says sorry tonight and lets you know what is going through his head, not good for you to be upset (((((hugs)))))

That is definately what is going thru his head. I am sure of that because that is how the argument started. He was pointing out concern of me doing to him what the ex does and how he cannot handle that. But the more I tried to reasure him the angrier he got. He was looking at me with hate, pure hate. His gentle eyes were so scarey looking. I cant stop visualizing them. And then the argument just got to the point that he was just putting me down in every way.... He didn't even care that I was hurting.
He said some really awful things.
I don't think I will ever be able to forget that look in his eyes. I cannot get over it.
His eyes were what drew me to him and I was always looking into them. Now what?????

Oh, and I just went to the bathroom and there is a light pink when I wipe myself. Is this something to worry about?

Jen

It may be nothing to worry about... I had spotting with my pregnancy too. Just try to stay calm until you get home... can you call him atleast to see what to expect today?? guess if you could have you probably would have. I hope you come home to a totally different situation tonight, a good one 🙂

😘

We usually call each other through out the day. He wouldn't even say goodbye to me this morning.
I called him when I got to work. He didn't answer and so I text him and told him that I loved him and to please call me when he could. That was 8 hours ago, he hasn't called me yet.
I am thinking so many different things. I am so afraid he won't be there when I get home. That he will be gone, with all his stuff. I know that sounds dramatic but he looked real serious when he said he didn't want me or this baby. He assured me that he really ment it.
I don't know where all this came from but it must have been there for a while which means he has been lying to me about what he wants and how he feels.
It is 4:17 here and I get out of work at 5. I am so full of anxiety I cannot take it. I am so hurt and confused and worried about the baby. I really wanted this baby. I was so ready. How did this all happen?
What am I going to do?
Jen.

oh, sweety, I know i don't really know you but I wish I could reach out and give you the biggest hug. Do you have family or friend you can have come with you when you go home? I really wish you the best and I wish I could say something more to help calm you. are you in the US?

I just saw your profile and saw that you're in PA... I'm up in RI.. we are of a very few Americans here. I'm sending you a big hug from PVD to PHL 😘

Thank you so much. I have no one to talk to or turn to. I don't want to tell my mom because I have hope that He didn't mean what he said. I don't want her involved because she will be very judgemental and it will make things worse for me.
He was very mean to me and my mom would not like that. So....with my hopes I will sit and pray and wait.
I don't have a computer at home and I am leaving work in 20 minutes. I will let you know what happened on Monday.
Oh, and Sunday is my birthday. Some birthday.
It is hard with the things he said and the look in his eyes to have faith that he will come home and apologise. I highly doubt it.
I don't want to argue any more because it hurts to much and I am scared of losing our baby.
My dreams given to me and then taken away just like that. What have I done to be hurt so badly????
I cannot figure it out. I believe in Karma and I treat others the way I want to be treated. I am a hard worker, a good mother and a good girlfriend. I try so hard. Why does this have to happen to me. I have already been through so much in my life. It was supposed to be getting better.
I worked so hard to be where I am at now. To have what I have. How come it can just be taken away from me?
I am so upset I dont' know what to do.
Jen.

😘 Happy birthday for Sunday x x x x

Try not to worry about the spotting it is normal in early Preg. If it turns to red blood or more often with pain contact your Doc.

Good luck with everything x x

oh hun all I can say is if he really loves you he will stick by you and what you want,if not he is not the man for you and you can do alot better,give him some space and hopefully he will see sense,really do hope things work out for you and stay strong for your child and baby,good luck

Hun, I'm going sound a bit harsh here BUT please hear me out and this is just a thought really about what has maybe triggered this odd behaviour.

He has said all these extremely hurtful things to you and even told you that you get rid of the baby or else (more or less). You are now feeling so hurt but you are constantly reassuring him and texting him that you won't leave him and that you love him. I know this may seem mad but do you think he may be trying to see how far he can push you before you actually go? With his last relationship not working and his kids being used against him he wants to push and push to see if you will stick this relationship out and not leave? It sounds like he is messing with your head whatever the reasons behind all this. As I said this is just a thought and I don't mean it to sound nasty.

I hope you find out why he suddenly feels differently and it all works out ok. Take care hun, xx 😘

jennie4isaac said:
Thank you so much. I have no one to talk to or turn to. I don't want to tell my mom because I have hope that He didn't mean what he said. I don't want her involved because she will be very judgemental and it will make things worse for me.
He was very mean to me and my mom would not like that. So....with my hopes I will sit and pray and wait.
I don't have a computer at home and I am leaving work in 20 minutes. I will let you know what happened on Monday.
Oh, and Sunday is my birthday. Some birthday.
It is hard with the things he said and the look in his eyes to have faith that he will come home and apologise. I highly doubt it.
I don't want to argue any more because it hurts to much and I am scared of losing our baby.
My dreams given to me and then taken away just like that. What have I done to be hurt so badly????
I cannot figure it out. I believe in Karma and I treat others the way I want to be treated. I am a hard worker, a good mother and a good girlfriend. I try so hard. Why does this have to happen to me. I have already been through so much in my life. It was supposed to be getting better.
I worked so hard to be where I am at now. To have what I have. How come it can just be taken away from me?
I am so upset I dont' know what to do.
Jen.

you're welcome Jen... things happen for a reason, if this baby is meant to be then it will be, with or with out the father. I have been at the lowest point in life before only to find out that it was all leading up to something really good. I (we all) will be waiting to hear from you on Monday, please if you can, let us know how everything goes ok. I'll be sending you some positive vibes (I'm not too far either 😉 )

I text him once this morning. No contact since. I am giving him his space. I want him to sort out what is going on in his head. When I go home he will either be their or not. I already know there is nothing I can do about that and I know that pushing him and bothering him will only push him further away. I don't want that.
I am concerned and scared and sad. So many negative emotions.
Why would you try and push something away that you want?????
I don't get that. I am so confused.
Thank you all for your advice.
I will let everyone know what happened on Monday.
Jennie.

😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 xx