Dealing with parenting criticism

One thing I've noticed in a few threads is that a lot of us seem to cop quite a bit of criticism from others for the way we parent. It might be our own parents, our in laws, our peers - and it's tough! The one thing I've learned since becoming a parent is we all do it differently, and that's okay!

How do you deal with it when people criticise your parenting? Do you speak up?

I used to let it bother me, but I got over it pretty fast. I'm not sure what made me stop thinking of it as a big problem... I guess I just realized that people were doing it because they loved me and truly thought their way was best, not to be some kind of control freak or anything.

Do I speak up? No... I'm a big chicken. Basically I just say thank you and then never let them know that I didn't try what they said. No one else knows what's best for my child better than I do. If there are times when I *don't* know what's best, then I'll ask someone I trust. If it's not unsolicited advice, I'm much more apt to listen.

Non-committal answers work for me sometimes... "thanks, that sounds like something to try" (I just don't add the "but I won't be trying it myself.") Or "Yes, that does seem to have worked alright in your case" without the "but my case isn't yours and I'll be doing things my own way."

Maybe because I am an older parent, I haven't had the pleasure of my parenting being criticized by others.

Sometimes I think though people are offering "constructive advice", and don't think they are criticizing you, they just want to speak up about what they think is right. Then to you it comes off as criticism, because you aren't doing what they said. I think that is a common misinterpretation with friends and between moms.

But if it is your close family, it could be actual criticism they feel they have the right to give. In that case I would take it with a grain of a salt and hit the ignore button.

My whole way of life seems to be an insult to most people we encounter lol. We homeschool, we raise our children with respect (trust me, it hits a nerve with people for some reason. Children are extensions of adults and need to earn our respect.. know their place. So gross), even the way we eat. My youngest also has Autism, so in the beginning, we had a lot of advice given to us that we didn't ask for. Mostly to get a second opinion, because Autism doesn't exist. He was faking for attention lol.

So while people are rolling their eyes at others giving them unsolicited advice or spouting off old wives tales, I'm literally dealing with people that think I neglect my children because I don't force them into prison every day.. er.. I mean school. Or because we allow them a voice. Take their feelings seriously. Allow them to weigh in on decisions that affect them. Trust them! Or because I don't hit them or punish them to get my way (there are never any struggles to begin with.. respected children don't have anything to rebel against! lol).

Neglect is a damaging word.. nobody ever uses it with us, but we're very unconventional and most people are threatened by that and the conversations that follow usually allude to it. It's hurtful. My kids are my life and they couldn't be happier or more well rounded. Apparently that's not good enough.. I have to make them miserable in order to call myself a parent

I tend to ignore such people. I will listen to what they have to say. But I still make the decision on how to raise my kids. If its sound advice that I agree upon then yea I'll even follow it. If I find it nonsense and just busybodies trying to control how I parent then it just goes in one ear and out the other. You have kids to have your own family. For others who want to parent so badly should have their own. I wouldn't say a word to a fellow parent on how they raise their children unless asked too or absolutely necessary.

Sometimes dealing with criticism can be hard. I will respectfully listen to what someone has to say. I try to keep in mind that they are probably trying to be helpful. Everyone has different parenting styles, and we may not always agree. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and just agree to disagree.

With some topics, I'm open for advice and tend to listen to the advice people give and choosing the ones I would like to try that fits in with my style of parenting. With other topics like bf, I am not open for discussion, if people give me advice as to how to improve my bf experience then sure, I'm all ears, but for some reason, the only "advice" I've been getting from family and friends on bf, is how to stop and how to not feed my baby in public even if I am covered. In that case, I will politely put them in their place and tell them that this is my choice and I am extremely supportive of bf and unfortunately they will not be able to change my mind.
My biggest obstacle, though, is the suspicion that people give my baby solids behind my back when they babysit....

I have never been ridiculed for BF in public. But if someone ever tried to tell me off or put me in check because they believe it was wrong to feed my baby when shes hungry, I would have alot to dish out on to mind your own business and to let me feed my daughter. I dont know why its so hard for people to just not mind it. Its natural, and innocent. People only make it sinful to feed a babe. Fully displaying your breasts is a different story but have a side of your boob stick out shouldnt be a problem. Women without kids or who do not BF already have there boobies half out of their shirts and no one bats an eye.

I do not pay attention to criticism from others because you are never going to make everyone happy about everything. Some people just like to be critical and judgmental about things they do not understand. Everyone has a different way of parenting and not every method works for every family. If people would mind their own business, it would be easier to get along with others. If you ask for someone's advice, then that is the only time it should be given. If only we lived in a perfect world.

JosieP said:
My whole way of life seems to be an insult to most people we encounter LOL. We homeschool, we raise our children with respect (trust me, it hits a nerve with people for some reason. Children are extensions of adults and need to earn our respect.. know their place. So gross), even the way we eat. My youngest also has Autism, so in the beginning, we had a lot of advice given to us that we didn't ask for. Mostly to get a second opinion, because Autism doesn't exist. He was faking for attention LOL.

So while people are rolling their eyes at others giving them unsolicited advice or spouting off old wives tales, I'm literally dealing with people that think I neglect my children because I don't force them into prison every day.. er.. I mean school. Or because we allow them a voice. Take their feelings seriously. Allow them to weigh in on decisions that affect them. Trust them! Or because I don't hit them or punish them to get my way (there are never any struggles to begin with.. respected children don't have anything to rebel against! LOL).

Neglect is a damaging word.. nobody ever uses it with us, but we're very unconventional and most people are threatened by that and the conversations that follow usually allude to it. It's hurtful. My kids are my life and they couldn't be happier or more well rounded. Apparently that's not good enough.. I have to make them miserable in order to call myself a parent

To me it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job of raising your kids. I love that you respect their opinions - I feel like that means they'll be more likely to share their opinions with you, and the lines of communication will be open with your family at all times, and that's an awesome thing!

Well this is really nothing new, and I happen to work in an industry where we hear criticism about raising children and how is best, and really the only thing to know is that there is no perfect way. I have always thought that if you have the love and the affection and the want to have the best for your child, then everything else will fall into place.