Jealous of ex girlfriend
Right I need to know how to handle this and weather I being silly.
My boyfriend is friends with his ex girlfriend, she was his first love at the age of 17 and they were together two years, they didn't break up on bad terms and stayed friends ever since, I have never had a problem with this as I also friends with an ex from when I was 17 but we didn't go out for long and weren't in love. Anyways things changed when I seen messages they were sending each other, I was honest to him about this as he left his iPad with me and his iPhone is hooked up to it. In these messages he was saying he will always have a soft spot for her and always be there for her if she needed him, I was very upset by this not only because of what he said but because he was texting her straight away while he always leaves his replys to me for hours. I was open and said I seen this and he said he worded what he said wrong and didn't mean it like that, which we sorted but the next day on a site he liked a half naked picture of her which upset me again (she's a model which doesn't help my jealousy) he said he was sorry and only liked it because it was taken back when they were together. Right well I have never had a problem with this girl as she has always included me in her texts asking how I am and always invited me to come meet up in a pub. My problem is with him and feeling 2nd best and feeling he would take her back in a heart beat if she wanted him. Over the years they had many chances to get back together but they haven't. He says he loves me and we are having a baby together. He says he will cut her out if that's what he has to do for things to work in the long run as I've said if he says something stupid again like he has a soft spot then it's gonna break us but I'm not the type of person to stop people from seeing friends. I just told him to stop coming out with stuff he dont mean. (One time I over heard him say to his friend that he thought some girl was hot) again he said he didn't mean it.
I just feel second best at time but he has tried his very best to convince me I'm the one and always will be, only because of this one thing he said to her I feel like this and have a problem with it. What should I do? Stop them being friends or just trust the fact that they will only ever be friends and any feeling he has for her will always be kept inside because there is nothing he can so about it anyways as I don't think she will ever want him back? Xx
Heya babe take a bit of advise from me, I'm not saying that he doesn't love you but you have got to talk this out with him and let him know that your feeling second best and as for him saying he will cut his ex out of his life if that's what you want, well if its all innocent then why would he need to do that, tell him that you haven't got a problem with them still being in contact but you need to make it plain to him that you come first not her or your walking and if he really loves you sweetie he will make sure that its you first then her. I'm here if you want a chat or anything. xx
just be careful. jealousy can kill a relationship.
with texts and emails things can be taken out of context which magnifies things.
blokes eyes will always wander, they are blokes.
You need to be secure in your own skin..point blank period. You can not control another person...that is the first thing we need to learn. It could be innocent flirting but even if it is not innocent you will know in your gut. Always follow your intuitions and be up front and honest with him. But honey... I do want to stress he may be your boyfriend or child's father but he "aint" dead. There are always going to be prettier girls, and cuter guys..but the key is knowing YOUR worth and what you bring to the table in the relationship. I would stand on that fact and never be jealous or envious of another because you truly do not know what they are going through or what they had to do in life to become a model. There is no easy way to tell if someone will leave you for another, but hold your head up and know that you will be just fine either way. We all need to know our worth and stand on that no matter what happens in our lives.
I understand you and how you feel. If I were in your situation I would have felt the same way too. Its been years since I was in such a place. What worked for me was an honest communication with my partner. Have an honest communication with him, tell him how you feel. This is preferably done when you are calm, not when feelings are raging all over. With this conversation, come with boundaries on what you can take and what you can't. You can agree, both of you, on what makes you uncomfortable. Good luck!
How long have you both been together? I have been with my fiance for going on 12 years in October. I will admit, I was the jealous type as well, and felt 2nd best to his first true love for the longest time. When we got together she would try everything in her power to break us up. She would drive 3 hours from out of town and show up at our doorstep, she would send him messages on his then Myspace page telling him that she still wanted him. There was even a point where I found him asking her if they could get together 1 last time before our daughter was born. I was so hurt and upset. He did turn around and said that if I wouldn't have snooped in his messages, I wouldn't be hurt. However, after I explained to him how that made me feel and then told him I wanted to break up, he did say he was sorry, he wrote the ex in front of me and told her that he didn't mean it and that he was intoxicated. Naturally she wrote back and was extremely upset because she wanted him.
It took years for me to get over everything and there was a lot of talking that needed to be done. For the longest time after that as well, I would constantly compare myself to her..I would start doubting myself and he would constantly reassure me that he only wanted me. My fiance and I ended up working things out. Yeah, we have had our really rough patches, but nothing we couldn't work through.
Now, about you over hearing him say something about another girl being "hot," that is a guy for you. They are naturally going to look. It doesn't mean they are going to love you any less. I mean, hell...you mean to tell me if some fly looking guy walks past you, you won't glance at him or something? I mean, it's just human nature with that...nothing to be alarmed about.
There is usually always going to be a soft spot in one's heart for their first real love. There is just something about that "first time" that lingers with you forever. As long as you are confident in your relationship with him and you can trust HIM, I would say just talk to him and then move on from there. He even stated he would not talk to her and cut her out of his life. That shows he cares (in my opinion). I hope you both can work through things and make it work.
It is true what has already been said though...be careful with the jealousy because it can kill a great relationship.
Being jealous can definitely ruin your trust and loyalty of your man. But on the other hand, it is very hard trusting when it comes to an ex. There is history and a past with those two. I just feel it only takes the right moment and situation to cause the line to be crossed. Temptation may get the best of him. And honestly, it doesn't mean he does not love you. It is human nature of attraction. Be careful. Getting burned like this could ruin future relationships trust as well.