Children are p eople not objects

sorry need to get this off my chest as i have been carrying it around for so long. why do people insist in comparing children like objects... "my child can do this and that, what can your child do?" for gods sake people all children develop at a different rate! This kind of speak to other mothers can be really hurtful especially if you are a new mum like i was, and it makes you feel that you are letting your child down and that your are an incompetent mother. So those of you out there that do it STOP IT NOW!!!

Maybe just me that feels this way but never mind hey.

I know how you feel. I think its going to be alittle like this with my cousins girl and mine. my cousins girls is around 9 month older than my daughter and they say that my couins girl is advance for her age on some levels.

when i was growing up my gran spoke highly of my cousin over me. All i ever had to listen to was how she was a better swimmer than me, slimmer than me, going to university, she had dated guys well before me, how she had lots of boyfriends before me. It got on my nerves.

Yep, my sisters daughter is always compared to my Son (they are 8 weeks apart)and it is really grating on me to the point i dont want to go and visit family anymore, although he was slower with his walking than my sisters daughter his talking was and still is advanced for his age. now she has had another baby 9 weeks after i had mine and we have both had boys so i know it is gonna be worse this time. i love my family but sometimes i wish i was away from them as they are making me feel so inadequate as a mum. 😬

Hi catswinnie

Unfortunately, parents are humans and we humans do this sort of silly thing. The trouble is we draw our kids into our bad habits like comparing them to other kids. My son is 9 months older then his cousin who happens to live next door to us. My nephew, niece and my wife and I had a talk after our kids were born that we would always try hard not to compare where the kids were at in any way. There are four boys now, their 2 and we have 2 also.

Thankfully, we had this talk and it has never been an issue. It certainly had the potential to be an issues as we live next door to each other and the kids all go to the same school.

Do you have a good enough relationship with your relatives to ask them to stop making these comparisons as it can be very hurtful?

Hope you can post again with any progress.

Regards, Ross.

Hi Ross

thanks for your reply.

I am close to my family at the moment but my sister is very volatile and snaps at the slightest thing, so nothing can be said to her without her flying of the handle and cuasing a rift between the whole family. i can just about put up with it from her, but her eldest daughter has also decided to join in! i know she is only following by example and cant be blamed, but it is getting really annoying.

i just seem to have a lot of grudges to bear in that direction at the moment and needed somewhere to vent them so sorry if i am waffling 😊 . we have both recently had 2 babies in quick succession, my two boys were both born 8/9 weeks before her 2 babbies. i just dont want my boys to grow up thinking they constantly have to compete with others. which is the way they are gonna think if they have anything to do with it.

Hi catswinnie

No, you are not waffling - just sound frustrated and hurt. It seems very much the way of the western world to compete with and squash each other. We seem to groom our kids to be like that from an early age, and then only escalates as they enter school.

Pity you have to see that relative - we can't choose your family, can we! Is there some way you can politely avoid your sister for a while ?

I hope you can post again, and I will try to remember to visit this forum every few days. It is very friendly and useful.

Regards, Ross.