How to get our 17mo to stay in her bed?!?!

Hi,

A couple of months ago we put our daughter into her own bed mostly because she was at a size where she could climb out of her cot and we were worried she would hurt herself.

In her cot she used to sleep all night from about 6-7 and not get up until 7-8 in the morning.

Now we put her to bed about 7pm.. she cries.. she gets out of the bed and sits at the top of the stairs (in front of the stair gate) screaming until at least 8.30-9pm as we put her back to bed at least 20 times. Then she gets up again at 5am. When she gets up this early it is very rare that she will actually go back to bed - obviously she is shattered because she won't sleep and we are both exhausted.

We have tried many things to get her to go to sleep in her bed none of which seem to of made a difference. The only thing that kinda of works is if her mum goes upstairs and lies with her for 10 minutes or so until she falls asleep. When we first tried this we couldn't believe that she had actually gone to sleep! but to our dismay all this did was make her get out of bed from the hours of 11-2/3am. I work early so having her screaming at this time is obviously not great.

Our health visitor says she has seperation anxiety - I'm sure that is why she is so against staying in her bedroom, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

-Andy 😬

A combination of different things seemed to work for my lot. Used to give them a bottle of milk or juice at bed time which seemed to have a calming affect, although not great for potty training, and its another thing to wean them off. Instead of lying down in bed with her so that she goes to sleep, try reading to her. She will see this as a pattern. Also a night light might help.

If she's coming out of her room, perhaps you could put a stair gate on her bedroom door just so she has to stay in her room? Make sure she has some toys in her room and then when she gets up in the morning she can play, hopefully without waking you.

Out of curiosity was the cot in her own room, or your room? If she has moved rooms and beds at the same time then this could be part of the issue.

Giving her milk before sleeping is certainly a very good idea,more over a phase wise approach would be good for you.I think for few months you should put her cot in your room and see how she responds,if she fells asleep reassured that both of you are nearby ,then gradually after few months make her sleep separately once in a week,which can be increased subsequently.

17 months is very young to be in a bedroom on your own, have you thought about letting her sleep in your bed or getting a co-sleeper?

Samuel said:
17 months is very young to be in a bedroom on your own, have you thought about letting her sleep in your bed or getting a co-sleeper?

I don't think it is too young. Joseph was in a bed (not a toddler bed) at 14mths and he has never been any bother.

As for the problem here are my suggestions, what every you decide to do you must stick with it and follow it through all the time otherwise it wont work. (and also it may take several weeks to break the habit your little one is in)

1) make up a bed time routine and stick to it, i.e bath, bottle and a cuddle, up to bed and a story.

2) try the rapid return method, everytime little one gets out of bed, pick them up and first time say night night _______ and return them straight to bed (leave the room) 2nd time the get out, again pick them up and only say night night 3rd + time say nothing at and just keep returning little one to bed, also do the same when they get up at 5am, teach your little one to fall asleep on their own

Good luck

I don't have any good advise to add. These ones are great. Hope it works!! 😉

Samuel said:
17 months is very young to be in a bedroom on your own, have you thought about letting her sleep in your bed or getting a co-sleeper?

Mine were in their own room from about 6 months in a cot and then migrated to a bed after that at about 18 months. I wouldn't keep a child in the same room as me for 17 months.

Alisa was in my room untiil 6mnths and moved to a cot bed at 15mnths. Meleah stayed in our room for quite a while about 9mnths only due to what happened previously. when we get to south africa (16mnths old) she will havbe alisa's old cot bed and alisa will get a new single bed.. meleah would have been moved earlier but her bedroom is only small and youy cant fit a bed in it with the rest of the furniture (wardrobe, draws, alisa's bed etc)....

I found that meleah started sleeping better when i moved hert in with alisa.

Alisa took well to a new bed it took a week but then she was fine now and then she wants to get out and about but we tried the rapid return method that alex is suggesting and it worked brilliantly as with all things where children are involved routine is parramount..

Hope you get some good nights sleep soon.

Samuel I thought children wernt supposed to sleep with you. A friend had her daughter sleeping in their bed untill 10mnths and now is struggling to get her into a cot in their room let allone a room of her own

According to me a flexible approach is the best,what worked for one kid need not necessarily work for every body.Ideal situation would be ,as suggested above,a proper bed routine which comforts the toddler and lead him/her to a sound sleep.But if that does not work even after many weeks then phase wise approach i suggested in the earlier post could be worth trying.

Lihra said:



Samuel I thought children wernt supposed to sleep with you. A friend had her daughter sleeping in their bed untill 10mnths and now is struggling to get her into a cot in their room let allone a room of her own

All of our children have co-slept, Jamie and Mikes don't give us any trouble about going in their own bed at night more than a child left alone would.

Alex said:

Samuel said:
17 months is very young to be in a bedroom on your own, have you thought about letting her sleep in your bed or getting a co-sleeper?

I don't think it is too young. Joseph was in a bed (not a toddler bed) at 14mths and he has never been any bother.

As for the problem here are my suggestions, what every you decide to do you must stick with it and follow it through all the time otherwise it wont work. (and also it may take several weeks to break the habit your little one is in)

1) make up a bed time routine and stick to it, i.e bath, bottle and a cuddle, up to bed and a story.

2) try the rapid return method, everytime little one gets out of bed, pick them up and first time say night night _______ and return them straight to bed (leave the room) 2nd time the get out, again pick them up and only say night night 3rd + time say nothing at and just keep returning little one to bed, also do the same when they get up at 5am, teach your little one to fall asleep on their own

Good luck

Yep and a stairgate on her door - and a reward when she sleeps well - tell her the fairy has been - let her sprinkle 'fairy dust' round her room before she sleeps and tell her the fairy won't come if she hears screaming etc
Martha was in her own room from 6 months old

Alex said:

Samuel said:
17 months is very young to be in a bedroom on your own, have you thought about letting her sleep in your bed or getting a co-sleeper?

I don't think it is too young. Joseph was in a bed (not a toddler bed) at 14mths and he has never been any bother.

As for the problem here are my suggestions, what every you decide to do you must stick with it and follow it through all the time otherwise it wont work. (and also it may take several weeks to break the habit your little one is in)

1) make up a bed time routine and stick to it, i.e bath, bottle and a cuddle, up to bed and a story.

2) try the rapid return method, everytime little one gets out of bed, pick them up and first time say night night _______ and return them straight to bed (leave the room) 2nd time the get out, again pick them up and only say night night 3rd + time say nothing at and just keep returning little one to bed, also do the same when they get up at 5am, teach your little one to fall asleep on their own

Good luck

Yep and a stairgate on her door - and a reward when she sleeps well - tell her the fairy has been - let her sprinkle 'fairy dust' round her room before she sleeps and tell her the fairy won't come if she hears screaming etc
Martha was in her own room from 6 months old

I wouldn't letting lo sleep in my bed. It's easier but when they get used to it they don't want to sleep on their bed anymore.

Hiya,
I feel that co-sleeping would just make a rod for your own back. Our son slept in his cot in his own room at 5mths so we had the bedtime thing cracked quite early on.

When he was ready to move into a bed, we moved him into the double bedroom and decorated it making a huge fuss of his room saying how special it was and what a big boy he was. We left his cot in his new bedroom next to his junior bed, and he went from his cot and into his junior bed after 1 night. We were full of congratulations and praise the next day.

We have always had a solid bedtime routine by reading a story to him whilst he had some milk and then lying with him for a bit - but only until he became drowsy and never when he was completely asleep.

I realise that there's a "credit crunch" on at the mo, and there's not pots of money to go around but have you thought about decorating her room for her - even just by choosing some wall art or stickers with her? Make a big fuss, and for every night she stays in bed, give her a star on a star chart and reward her with a special day out or a toy that she loves.

Hope this helps!

Kailey wouldn't sleep when we first changed her from a cot to her bed. she would sit on the bed and just whinge. (she was 12 months old when we changed it.)

we couldnt understand why, so we put her cot matress on her bed to sleep on, and stuffed pillows up the other end to cover the hard bed frame.

the first time we did this, she had a great sleep, and so did we!!
when she got used to the big bed, we changed the matresses over and we haven't had her whinge since.

we had the cot matress on the bed for about a week or 2 before we changed it, because when we had her normal matress, she would always wake up on the floor where we had the cot mattress in case she fell off.

she has woken up on her bed ever since!! I think it would be worth giving it a go!! it worled for us!!

For my wife and I, it was one of the hardest steps to acheive. Our son cried so much that he vomited the first time we tried to leave him on his own room. Be patient.