Competitive Mums

My daughter started reception class this September. She was really looking forward to it having outgrown Pre-School a long time ago. It is a really lovely local smallish school and she couldn't wait to meet all the children and make new friends. I have to say though that this has been hampered a little by the actions of some other Mums. As a working Mum I only get up to school once a week, but when I do I am quite surprised. These women seem to be on a mission to organise their childrens lives, choose their friends, have numerous handpicked kids round to tea every week and generally organise every minute of their childrens lives. One woman even pushed her daughter to play with mine for a few weeks, then quickly turned her attention to another girl in the class who lives in a posher area and dropped my daughter. My daughter is now left a little confused and has gone off school a little.
What happened to allowing children to make their own way and learn from their mistakes. I dont remember all this when I was little. Or am I just behind the times and this is the norm. Don't get me wrong I am willing to help my daughter to socialise with other children but I'd rather she picked her own friends. I don't agree with over scheduling your childrens lives, but I am also a little worried she will be the one missing out. I'm just hoping this is new starter syndrome which will die out soon, so the children can make their own way. Has anyone else experienced this or have any thoughts about this?
Grateful for any advice!

id be inclined to let your child choose her own friends but with guidance from you.

i was the same i was that working mummy, but i managed to get work during school hours, and i noticed that there was certain cliques in the pkyaground, but Gemma and Tom found that they had their own friends some i approved of and some i didnt but it broadened their hosrizons on how some kids lived differently to others.

Its not how big your house is that bothers me, id encourage your child to invite her friends to tea or have a playdate at the park, and get to know other mums in your situation and then get some friends of your own with kids of your kids ages.

Thats how i met my best friends, their kids are best friends with my kids!

My Gemma is always with her BFF Lilli and Tom is best buds with Jack and Jonny.

I cant offer any thing else im sorry.

I agree. Over scheduling hurts kids in the end because they become burned out. I highly doubt these kids your talking about have any spare time at home. I bet these mom's have their kids booked to the max in after school activities.
I'm sure these mom's are well intentioned and are just worried about their little darlings getting mixed up in the wrong crowd or not experiencing everything in life. All this talk of kids being so bad on the news doesn't help. You shouldn't let those parents get to you. Their the ones missing out on a relaxed fun filled life of freedom.
Perhaps these mom's are setting up playdates with all the kids in the class one by one so their kids can get a chance to hang out with each child individually, with out influences of others.
See if your school or class has a play date list or set one up yourself and get together with one of the mom's. This will be a great chance to get to know each other better too.
If all else fails, you can bring your concerns with school and request a parent meeting night for every parent to attend to discuss the matter.
But what ever happens will work out.
My daughter is in grade 1 now and is in a new school. This has been difficult on her to make new permanent friends. Their has been alot of tears and confusion of whats going on. So, I know what your going through.

There is one mother of a girl in dd's class who is openly snobby towards others. She doesn't even try to hide it, she just tells us all the time about all the different clubs and activities her 3 children do and how the money is no object for them. She is not even bothered about their schooling because she is so sure her children will excell in their hobbies and not need education as they will just get rich off their talents. She is also quick to give others 'tips' on parenting. She lives 3 houses down from the school and her kids are always the last ones into class as they are late, again because she doesn't think SHE should have to rush because she is full of self-importance. She only invites children who live in the same neighbourhood to their house (a very well off area), including her childrens birthdays but takes her children to other peoples parties who she didn't invite. She talks like everything of hers is the best, for example last year at the nativity play HER DAUGHTER had the best costume-although she didn't it was just HER opinion, her kid looked the same as all the others. When her children speak it' more important than what others say, when they go out or on holiday it's more impressive etc etc. Also, if she is on her own she will talk to you but if she is with someone else she wont even rejister you are there. She is a total snob and as scatty as a mare, but thankfully my dd has never been friends with her so I've never had to deal with her too much, she's just one of those people who stands out and not for good reasons!

GTTkel said:
There is one mother of a girl in dd's class who is openly snobby towards others. She doesn't even try to hide it, she just tells us all the time about all the different clubs and activities her 3 children do and how the money is no object for them. She is not even bothered about their schooling because she is so sure her children will excell in their hobbies and not need education as they will just get rich off their talents. She is also quick to give others 'tips' on parenting. She lives 3 houses down from the school and her kids are always the last ones into class as they are late, again because she doesn't think SHE should have to rush because she is full of self-importance. She only invites children who live in the same neighbourhood to their house (a very well off area), including her childrens birthdays but takes her children to other peoples parties who she didn't invite. She talks like everything of hers is the best, for example last year at the nativity play HER DAUGHTER had the best costume-although she didn't it was just HER opinion, her kid looked the same as all the others. When her children speak it' more important than what others say, when they go out or on holiday it's more impressive etc etc. Also, if she is on her own she will talk to you but if she is with someone else she wont even rejister you are there. She is a total snob and as scatty as a mare, but thankfully my dd has never been friends with her so I've never had to deal with her too much, she's just one of those people who stands out and not for good reasons!

She definately sounds like one to avoid - I HATE the school gates - and you can bet your bottom dollar the school are onto her for the tardiness of her kids - being late, and skipping school are the hot topics at the moment!! You might also find that there are other Mum's who interact with her merely to be polite, and don't actually really 'like' her.
She may also have a problem and craves attention, and feels that by acting like this that she gets it 🤔

You could be right. Maybe she has too much time on her hands. After all her 3 children are all at school now and she doesn't work. Mind you if I had her money and dind't have to work I'd find pleanty to do. I've never seen her husband though so maybe he works away or long hours.

I have to say i think this happens everywhere now hun. Although mine aren't at school yet i have heard stories from friends who have children at primary school and they all seem to say the same things? Maybe it is because this is all new at the moment if they started in september? As has been said i think in the long run it does your children more harm than good to be forced into activities they don't really like or to have 'friends' picked for them? I hope that i bring my children up well enough to trust their judgement on people themselves without me having to intefere. Obviously there will be some mistakes along the way but that is how we all learn. Making different judgements in life is important. Hoe are these children ever going to make important decisions in their life in the future if every decision there is to make as a child is denied them? Maybe i am going a tad over the top on this one? I just don't get along great with 'pushy' mums. Although, so far, touch wood, i haven't come across many at nursery yet. Just the odd one or two. I have a feeling this will change when Lolly is ready for primary though! Xx

Hi, thanks for all the advice and support. Blimey you think it gets easier as they start growing up, but the issues get more complex. My daughter is happier at school the last couple of days and seems to be making other friends. She also knows a couple of the children from Pre-School from there is a bit of security there. I think I just need to chill out a little and not get involved in the competition, or worry too much that she is missing out. My daughter is aware that she can have friends to play and I will just make sure that when she asks I ensure this happens.
Its easy to start feeling guily as a working mum!!

I think we all find people like this at the school gate, there was once a physical fight between two mothers at Mike's old school. At his new school the competition is about how well the children speak Welsh and English, it's rather childish to be honest. We just ignore it unless it is something that effects Mikey. Normally mums and dads like this are making up for their own short comings.