Hi parents, really need advice and opinions please..

Hi to all parents!
I had my little girl in december 2006 so she is going on for 2 now, but I had a really bad birth. I was in labour for 3 days and ended up having a really difficult delivery, this has put me off for life! However I'm feeling like I may be ready for another and people keep saying its better to have them closer together so they grow up sharing the same interests.
What I really want to know is what are your opinions on the size of the gap to leave between siblings. (my brother is 16 years younger than me lol).
Also did anyone have a better experience the second time around?
Thanks guys! xx

Hi sam, and welcome to JP I am mandy and have a daughter, Lauren (Lolly) 2 1/2 and a son, Jake 8mths. I personally am glad to have had a small age gap for the reasons you have already said and also so i didn't have to start all over again with the sleepless nights after a long gap. I thought i would find that really hard! If you search through old posts i am sure there is a whole thread about age gaps already in here?

As for the easier second time thing. I know lots of people who have had it easier second time and just because you had a hard birth 1st time doesn't automatically mean it will be hard 2nd time. I had an emergency section with dd after 36hr labour and 4 fetal blood samples 😉 . With my ds i was in labour for 19hrs of which 13 were spent with me at home pottering around. I did have to go in then because i need antibiotics in labour due to GBS and also so as to be monitired due to previous section. However it was a very positive experience and ds was born naturally 🙂 . I did tear quite badly but healed much better than section scar which took me nearly a year to recover from fully! My friend also had a much easier 2nd experience. Her 1st dd was born after 2dys in labour and a very tricky ventouse and then forcep delivery. She was so damaged that she couldn't go out for 6mths after the birth on her own. However in June this year she had her 2nd dd naturally with no stitches and a 2hr labour. Her baby was 8lb 11oz too! Hope this helps, try not to panic too much, and dwell on your last delivery. each and every pregnancy and delivery are sooo different! 😘 Xx

Thanks Mandy on such a thorough reply 😀 I've posted on this topic before on another similar site but didn't get anything back from it.
It's also nice to hear of people who had a better experience second time I just hope that would be the case for me!!
A lot of people in general seem so eager to share the stories of bad experiences rather than good, hence why I'm here asking!!
Thanks again, much appreciated 😘 xx

Hi

My ex had a bad time (not as bad as yours) with her second (my first) and that caused lots of problems for her bonding and the thoughts of another were off putting. When we did have another a couple of years later it was much easier even though he was 10lb7.

I think 2-4 years is a good gap. Our eldest is 4.5 years older than the second and the third is another 18 months behind. The eldest is a little isolated sometimes because of the difference in age and it can make things difficult when going out to do things.

I think it is nice to have them fairly close in age so they can be play mates and companions for each other. Having said that though there are also positives for leaving the gap such as the older one being less dependant on you physically etc so it's really up to you.
There are 2 years and 10 months between my two and they are great friends and so loving and supportive of each other. I have just started trying for my third which would mean there would be about a 3 year age gap between my youngest and my next one if I fall now! I have to say about 80% of people I know with more than one child have between 2-3 year age gaps but then one of my frineds had a baby 3 weeks ago and her older one is already 5 and that works for them. Good luck whatever you decide

Sam88 said:
Thanks Mandy on such a thorough reply 😀 I've posted on this topic before on another similar site but didn't get anything back from it.
It's also nice to hear of people who had a better experience second time I just hope that would be the case for me!!
A lot of people in general seem so eager to share the stories of bad experiences rather than good, hence why I'm here asking!!
Thanks again, much appreciated 😘 xx

You're very welcome hun, i was soooo nervous about the birth when i was carrying ds and everybody i spoke to seemed to have a horror story. People don't seem to share good experiences as they don't feel they are worth sharing but i wish more people would. I think it would help alay the fears of many a mum! I hope you make the decision that is right for you. I'm sure we will speak again. Take care Xx

Thanks Orc30, thats one of the things that worries me, trying to please 2 children at once!
Also thanks to GTTkel, I also agree with what you say about 1 child being more independant, I suppose there's plus sides for the smaller gap and the larger gap. Good luck on trying for your third! 😀
I definatley agree with you Mandy about the stories, you'd think us women would want each other to feel at ease as much as we can but the minute you announce your pregnant people can't wait to scare the life out of you lol.
God what a good site, helpful people lol 😀

Sam88 said:
you'd think us women would want each other to feel at ease as much as we can but the minute you announce your pregnant people can't wait to scare the life out of you lol.
God what a good site, helpful people lol :D

😊 😊
i did this to a friend haha but nothing prepared her for her labour as she did sufer but she got through it as we do

women in norway are advised to have at least 2years between pregnancy asthat gives your body the best time yo remineralise. I've only got the one but my friends who have 2 all have left 2-4 years between them. Only one of them had a labour they said wasn't as good as their first but the baby hsd got their head stuck under the ribs. So as she says there was nothing she could do.

Remember though no two children are the same and no two births experiences will be the same.

Good luck no matter what you decide

I've got almost a 10 year gap between Jas, my first, and this little one when she decides to arrive 😀 I have to admit, it was a planned gap as I didn't think I'd have more children after I split with Jas's dad but with my new husband, things have changed and here I am 🙂

The nice thing about the big gap is Jas is very excited about having a little sister, is at the age when she can amuse herself and doesn't need my undivided attention and also can be very helpful around the house and with a new baby.

Most people at my NCT class had around a 18 month - 2 year gap with the next largest being 4 years.

Good luck hon 😘

Thankyou and good luck with your next! At least your 10 yr old can appreciate the experience with you, that must be nice.

I feel really torn because its as though although I feel like another baby may be on the cards for the near future, in another sense I'm really happy as I am and I love my daughter Ellie so much I cant imagine having to share that! lol.

As for the gap thing I feel that if I am going to have 2 children I would prefer them closer together for all the reasons weve all stated here and I feel as though there's a ticking clock above my head (which I know is ridiculous) because every month that passes, the bigger the gap is getting. Im probably making a bigger deal of this than it really is. I'm 20 and my brother is 3 and we get on great! lol 😀

We wanted a small gap between ours, Charlotte was about 8 months when I came off the pill, but it did take 11 months to fall on with my second so she was 2 yrs 4 months when George was born.

As for the birth, with my first I was induced but all went smoothly besides the fact I was left on the ward until I was practically having her on the loo lol! With my second, i had him at home, but there was some problems that arose so he had to be admitted to hospital pretty much after being born to be checked over, but the circumstances would have happened in the hospital either way. Like has already been said, all births are different x

Sam88 said:
Thankyou and good luck with your next! At least your 10 yr old can appreciate the experience with you, that must be nice.

<snip> I feel as though there's a ticking clock above my head (which I know is ridiculous) because every month that passes, the bigger the gap is getting. Im probably making a bigger deal of this than it really is. I'm 20 and my brother is 3 and we get on great! lol :D

It is nice Jas can share the experience. However, she's got some strange ideas of how the baby will come out having watched a nature programme on a foal being born...that took a bit of explaining the differences 😊

I think you just need to do these things when you feel the time is right. I think I said the gap with Jas 'was' planned, that should have read 'wasn't' planned 😉 but it's working out well.

Keep us posted won't you 😘

Hi Sam,

I am curently 16+2 pg wth my second and dp's 3rd. His daughter was 10 when Georgia-Mae arrived and they are so so close! Georgia-Mae is now 4.5 and will be 5 when bump arrives. I would of liked a smaller gap between these two but unfortunatley it did not happen like that!

Goergia-Mae is extremely excited and cannot wait to be a big sister and 'help' with all baby duties.

I do not think there really is a right or wrong time - it will happen when it's right for you! xxxxxx

Rich son is 5 and he is looking forword to Jack to come. The thing i can see is that he can't play with Jack in the beginning but wen Jack gets older they can play. It is 5 year between me and my brother and we did play alot. It is 2 years between me and my sister and we did play to but mow we only fight 🙂

i have a 16 month old daughter and i am already planning to get pregnant!! lol ive decided that between the next Feb - April will be a good time to fall pregnant because Kailey will be 2 and a half, and i think that would be a good space.

If you feel your ready for a second child then your ready. Just keep in mind that you will be taking care of 2 kids that are not in school yet.
I had a difficult long labor too. That has really scared me to this day that it would happen again. I don't ever want anymore kids. Your brave.