Pregnant, lonely and my five yr old daughter hates school.

Hi,

I waswondering if anybody could give me some advice. Everything seems to be going wrong at the moment. We moved to Northampton from Swansea in July due to my partner getting a new job and in that time, i found out i was pregnant which i was over the moon about, I am 9 wks now. However, its been an extremely stressful time, i recently lost one of my closest friends and she was only 25. I then moved 5 hrs away from everything I know and all my friends, my 5 yr old daughter doesnt like her new school and cries every morning when i take her in to her class which is heart breaking, i feel sick constantly and my partner seems to have turned into a male shovenist pig over night. He currently isnt talking to me because i couldnt manage to clean the house yesterday because of the sickness. Im starting to wonder whether ive made a huge mistake moving away and especaially as i have had to change my daughters school as she was so settled in her last one How long should I give it? Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

So sorry to hear you are so unhappy at a time when you would hope to be over the moon.

Has your partners' attitude changed since you moved? If so, might be worth sitting down and letting him know how you feel and that you need his support now rather than his criticism. Was he supportive with your daughter? If so, maybe he just needs a bit of a reminder of how pregnancy can make you feel. Also, if he has a new job, he may be under pressure to prove himself so, unfortunately, could be taking it out on you a bit. It's certainly worth a chat to him about it.

As for your daughter, do you have a selection of schools in your area she could go to? It could be simply that she is missing her friends and the settled environment she had before. It's an upheaval to move house and have to make new friends for children, although they tend to cope better than adults at times. Do you know why she hates the school so much? Is it just she's having a hard time making friends, missing her old friends, has stricter teachers, etc? Hopefully she will settle down but I can understand your feelings.

I do hope you manage to get this sorted out. The last thing you need is lots of stress during your pregnancy.

x

Aww hun, it does sound as though things are very stressful for you at the moment. Trouble is when you are pregnant everything is exasperated too. (sometimes wonder what the point of hormones is, they seem to be nothing but trouble! lol)

I also think if your husband has changed recently then it is probably all the changes happening at the moment affecting him. He shouldn't have had a go at you for not cleaning the house but maybe things are getting him down too at the moment? Perhaps he feels helpless that he can't help settle your daughter? and that it was his 'fault'(because of job) you all had to move? I think there is a communication issue, you obviously need to chat to him and see exactly how he feels about it all at the moment. He may be missing family/friends too and wishing you hadn't moved?

You also need to find out exactly what it is about her new school your daughter doesn't like? If it is just that she is missing her friends from her other school and things are done differently then i'm sure she will settle in. If however she's getting picked on then you may need to speak to the teachers and in extreme case may need to move her again? Have the teachers said anything about how she is coping after you have left? She may be fine 5mins after you leave? I know it is very hard to move to a new area, i moved from london to devon myself! getting out and making new friends is a must to help the transition. Try looking to see if you have any groups in your area you would be interested in joining or a mother to be group? Xx

Poor you, morning sickness, hormones, loss of a friend, upheaval of moving so far from 'home' and being upset over your daughter at her new school. I think only you will know how long you can give it. Would this mean the choice between your new home and husband or old town without him? Give yourself some time to settle, if you can. You're dealing with alot and you need to talk to your hubby so he understands this xx

Life sounds very rough for you just now. The girls have offered some good advie and I think speaking to your partner is a must.

As a teacher, I dont worry about how the kids come in it is more how they come that is the real sign. If your daughter comes out happy then I think she is fairly well settled in her new school, if she comes out miserable I would talk to her teacher. It could be that everything is too much for her aswell and she just needs to talk to someone and make some new friends.

Hope things imrove soon for you.

Thankyou all so much for your valuabe advice,I really appreciate it. I wil deffinately take on board what you have all said and Alex, what you said about its what my daughters like when she comes out of school that matters really makes sense so thanks for that, Id never thought of it in that way before. It so nice to be able to talk to people about the way I'm feeling at the moment.

Liz xxxx