So many maintenance options im confused

I just had to make a claim for incapacity benefit as i have been off work ill for over 6months now they cant pay me ssp anymore.

the jobcentre people have passed my number onto someone called child maintenance options and they told me i got 3 options

a private agreement
CSA (they not automatically involved anymore)
Consent Order from a court

i have no idea what to do or what to pick any ideas bearing in mind my situation with my ex

Would a pricate agreement be verbal or written? If written I would have this checked by a lawyer. Never have a verbal agreement, promises do get broken. CSA sounds like a good option to consider if you can't get an agreement. I would save the courts for last resort. That can get expensive.

that si a toughie.

remember what ever you get you only get to keep £10 of it the rest is taken off your benefits- for example, he gives you £25 a week and your benefit is £150 a week, your benefit would drop to £135 and your weekly income would be £160. Does that make sense?

If he would go for a private agreement and he would keep to that I think that would be the best way, CSA will get the money regardless but that might leave him feeling hacked off because you went through them.

Personally a private agreement is the best way to go about it but as glowingsun said whichever way you go about it get it to a lawyer and have them print off a copy for themselves and suggest to him the same, that way no-one can go back on their word without being made out to be the liar (not saying you would)

only problem i got is that him and i had an agreement thatd he pay the money straight into my bank account which happened for about 5 months and then he said he couldnt give me anything anymore and then after 6 months he gave me £20 hoping that would cut it and nothing again since i guess im worried that he wont keep to it. i could always try speaking to them and see which way him and his gf want to go about it

Ok, a private arrangement is always going to be the best and easiest. But, and in this case it is a big but, can you rely on him to give you the money every week or month. If you are going to be relying on that money to survive then you need to know that you are going to get it.

I have a private arrangement with my ex as I didn't really want to have the CSA involved, and wanted to make sure that my money went to my kids. It works out okay and I will revise it up as and when appropriate (i.e. annually or if I am in a position to pay more). I also put money into a spending account for each of them and also into separate accounts to go towards university or similar. The amount I pay worked out well for her as well. She still gets a little housing and council tax benefit which means that she is entitled to a few other things as well. Also it left me with enough money to keep a roof over my head whilst swallowing up responsibility for all of the jointly acrued debt.

thats a hard one i had private agreement with ollies dad 30 a mth (not much)he did this for 6 mths out of nearly 15 yrs so now i havew gone to csa..so for me csa is best option but ur case i would try private then u gain a little extra

Aww hun, is a tough choice, i think i agree with everyone else. A private agreement is the best option IF he will be able to stick with the agreement made? However, it does sound as though that could be a big IF in this case? Maybe the CSA would be a better option for? Or maybe trying with the written agreement looked over by a lawyer as someof the others have said and then deal with it if he deviates from the agreement? Sorry couldn't be ore help! Xx

i think ill speak to them and see if they is willing to do a private agreement and stick to it and tell him that if he dont itll go to the csa only problems i can see is he thinks he only has to pay for her if he sees her so he gunna demand access and i can see there being a time where he going to say he cant afford to pay me one month like he did last year so i say ok make it up next month and he goes out and buys himself a new tv and phone (thats what he done so he couldnt afford to pay for her one month)

he was giving me a fair amount about £135 a month as he was working very long days (average of 16hrs a day) and then he suddenly dropped it to £80 and then when that job ended he gave me nothing from end of nov until may(ish) when he posted me £20 to try and sweeten me up to let him see her as i wasnt sure as he aint seen her since march

he also text someone i know and said that he and his missus had been together 8 months now and were planning to have a baby... i can see that being another reason in his mind why he cant pay money for izzy..

if you go throught the csa itll come straight out of his pay, he wont get to see it to say he cant give it. iykwim.
if you have a private agreement they can still take an amount from your benefit.
im gonna go against everyone else and say go with csa, just goin off the way he behaves. the only way you dont get money then is if he earns less the £35 a week i think. (lee pays for his son through csa)

its better to do a private one, then get it on paper and documented.

Get him to sign it.

if not CSA

hes on benefits as far as im aware as itd work out more expensive for him to work with his gf and all her fmaily on benefits

if hes on benefits the most you would get is five pound a week hardley seems worth it

yeah he said to me back in may that he would only give me £5 a week and i said thats what you would have to give me if you were on benefits and he said yeah well i plan to be for a long time which angered me so i thought about arranging for him to have a reason to not get off his lazy arse and work cos thats what it is he lazy its not because he cant i cant work at the moment even though i have a job on hold for me and i feel guilty about having to claim benefits.. i need a millionaire lol

😘 i know how u feel ollies dad gave me wot would wrk out at £180 for nearly 15 yrs of his life some men are just 😠 selfish but now ollies dad as two more he said ollie not up higher enough up his priority list ,,,if it was me i would take the 5 pound 🙁 i know it not much but it helps..sorry not much help hope u get it srted,,,im just waiting for my csa claim to go through.fingers crossed..

you know your ex will probably be made to pay back payments when the csa are involved someone i know their dad didnt pay maintenance for a while and the kids are all adults now and the csa have caught up with him and they all got £300 each in payments he missed

i was reasonable and said 30 a mth now im lookin at 30 a week and i do want ti backdating he a selfish s**t but i have a good oh and ol wants for nothin it just the principal good luk hope u get something,,, 😘

thanks good luck to you too.. 😘

i think im going to speak to his gf as i seem to get on ok with her as she is also a mum she can see my point a bit more than someone who dont have kids and see which way they would like to play it private agreement or straight to the csa as obviously it will effect her and her little one aswell with money going out of their benefits and if they choose private agreement ill say unless its broken in exceptional circumstances it will be straight to the csa

Hope you get it sorted. I don't suppose £5 a week will make a huge difference and for that it is probably not worth involving the CSA. Just keep a record of what you get and when.

For the record I pay £105 per week in maintenance through the private arrangement I have with the ex. The eldest, who isn't mine but gets treated the same as the other two, her father pays £90 per month and nearly had a heart attack when he found out how much I pay. I want the best for my kids and so pay what I can.

A private arrangement is much less stressful than the CSA, when it is between two reasonable parties. When one party is an arse then it is always going to be problematic and it can just be easier to involve the CSA which is what happened with the eldest's father.