My mum giving me big problems help

Hi I need advice advice urgently. Every at home with mum is a total nightmare. My bf is and I had enough living with mum and want to move out. I have a 5 wk old baby and my mother is taking over. She tells me and my boyfriend what to do. When I was in hospital my bf told me one night when he got home from seeing me she was saying something to him about cot death. Its so much to say but I had a stillbirth in 2005 and I was already worried through the pregnancy about losing this baby too. Before I had the baby she was already interfering and telling me not to do this or that etc. She made matters worse by saying negative things. Put me under so much stress.This cot death thing already worried me already.. She also kept saying to me that you will get the baby blues etc. You are gonna find it so difficult. Just really being negative. I wanted to breastfeed but she said I would give him the bottle so that nearly went out the window. Plus I think because I dont really let her look after him. Well I am abit scared to leave him with her or anyone. She smokes and sometimes she dont wash her hands when picking him up. She goes outside to smoke but she said that everyone got to smoke outside. I just said dont smoke around the baby. She also smoke in her bedroom but didnt say not to smoke in the house she did. My boyfriend and I stay upstairs alot but we do give her the baby he's only 5 weeks so we both trying to get to know our baby. When my bf at work I try not to bother her but she does say if u need a break I will take him. I feel so bad but I dont trust my mother she is abit careless when picking him up she once accidently dropped his head on her knee. So I told her off. The other day my friend came to see me and the baby. My bf came home from work and she told him off for shouting at the baby. Made him embarrassed and me too.
He was not shouting but his voice was raised abit but NOT SHOUTING. Even she said if hes getting tired and taking it out on baby he should sleep on the sofa for a few months.So from then onward my bf had told me we got to move out. We had this talk and he dont want her to have the baby if she's gonna pick the baby up without washing her hands. He dont want her to interfer. She will go in my room and tidy it and she will make comments like I am always tidying up after you too. Then again she does mean well but taking over over and I didnt tell her too tidy my bedroom. I am 24 my bf is 28 so we are adult. At the moment we are getting use to being parents. I do let her hold the baby but she then gives him back. It might sound like its my bf but its not I was always moaning at my mum. Then my bf would tell me your out of order.So I stopped now he just want us to move out because he sees from my point of view how i was feeling.Even I said to my bf ages ago I swear she wants me to lose this baby or expecting something to go wrong. My boyfriend got me to be positive that the baby gonna be fine. She would worry but be so negative. I feel so bad but she really getting on my nerves and my bf now has had enough of her. Its bad because she changed towards him because may I have changed. Then I use to be this shy girl and he made me stronger. She so upsetting me right now I just cant be bothered. The atmosphere is so bad right now. My bf talks to her but dont say anything when she says anything out order he tells me. So so angry help

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It sounds a horrible situation to be in.

I lived with my parents from first daughter being 3 weeks old til she was 3 months whilst we did up our new house. So i have lots of sympathy with you.

Do you have any idea when your likely to move out. Perhaps having an end date will help you bare with it on a day to day basis.

I was lucky in that my mum didn't interfere too much and there's none of the smoking issue. If i were you though i'd just explain it to her, she may think she knows best but its your baby and these are the rules...wash hands after smoking/b4 holding..etc. ask if she wants you to do anything differently with you being in he house. Hopefullyt then you'll both be able to get things off your chest and move forward

hth and do try and enjoy this special time
gemma

Best of luck finding a place of your own.
It sounds to me like you and your Mom are not on the same page when it comes to being a parent.

Hi hun - i know its hard i lived with my mil for 3.5yrs but you must talk to your mum and let her know what you do and dont want help with otherwise it could end up getting really strained!
I was acutally put down as depressed due toliving arrangements hun - the council wouldnt help us - it was only when i fell prg with this bubs that we got our bums in gear and found our own place - its rented but its great having our own space! 😘

Hi things with mum seems to be getting worse. My bf is constantly saying to me she is getting to much now. Its like he says that she smokes and when she comes in she touches the baby's face with her hands etc. We have no privacy what so ever she will just walk in my bedroom without knocking.
The other night she wanted to say goodnight to the baby but he was sleeping and my bf was in bed hardly dressed so i had to tell her no.
What do I do this is really getting to me.
What really annoys us is when the baby crys she says to him who dun it to you etc. At first I thought it was funny but now its getting on our nerves. I was saying to my bf imagine she said it when we were out or when the health visitor came round etc. Then will think I am harming the baby. She also keeps saying hows my baby not hows my grandson. I had to say to her the other its my baby. My bf is getting annoyed because certain things she does the baby is getting to like. She walks him up and down and now thats all that will make him quiet. Load of things she is doing though which feel she is taking over completely.
What do I do?

You certainly have to move out from your mums, even into a rented place would be such a huge difference......and give your mum her dues she is going outside in her own house to smoke, its not like she doesn't care.

I think you have to relax about your son too, i have 3 kids and didn't wash my hands before i picked them up (as in washed them TO pick up my kids) its just not feasable and personally i think its unnecessary soon he will be crawling about and picking just about everything up he can get his hands on, if you don't lighten up about it you will drive yourself mad cos you simply can't keep kids *sterilised* Babies are hardy litte things, and i feel shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, it sets them up for problems in the furture.

You stressing over him, how hes picked up, fed, everything sterile will effect him himself, for example if you don't let him get dirty etc (when hes toddling) then he will have a fear of getting his hands dirty and not join in with sand play and messy painting.........you won't be doing him any favours hon.

All my kids were in intensive care, my eldest for 3 days my daughter for over 6 weeks,and my youngest for 3 - so i know how it is to worry about your kids, but you simply have to relax, get on with it and enjoy it.

could you not get yourself on the council list? or try housing associations theres quite afew out there when you look.
i hope you get something sorted soon huni 😘