why is there...

over 2000 members yet most of them dont post???

cuz most of em just lurk and spy on us and steal our identities i suppose! 🤔
its like i said the other day,rob said to me that many join for advice and are too shy to post - you log out of here... you can see everything apart from our 'secret' forums without having to join!! so i dont see the point in people lurking as they dont even have to become members to see things!!! i think its so they can see the more hidden topics-that you cant see when logged out!

its kinda creepy that people do that very pathetic too.

but remember girls, if they are just lurking to check out the site and haven't made a certain number of posts, they can't see pics or the other forums that require that certain number of posts.

I understand why there is such nervousness, believe me, I feel it too, but I'm trying to hard not to suspect every new member or any one who just sits on the forum and lurks.... Let's try to remember there are more of us that are "real" than there of those who aren't "real" so we just need to keep an eye out and if you have any suspicions feel free to PM me or any of the other mods and we can have it checked out. I have also become a "lurker" on other forums, but I have my reasons 😉

im not so worried about the new ones cos everyone deserves a chance like you said most of us aint fake its the ones whos been members for a long time and never post that make me worry

How many of us have joined net mums and never used it?

It is the same here, people join and then think it is not for them.

I know it is hard but like Tammy says we have to try "hard not to suspect every new member or any one who just sits on the forum and lurks...." Everyone is welcome here untilthey prove otherwise and most times they are genuine people.

Hayley_Kev said:
cuz most of em just lurk and spy on us and steal our identities i suppose! :suspect:

Hayley, I understand your concerns with privacy on the internet, and with this site in particular, but I really don't think there's any need for scaring new and existing members with talk like this.

We do everything we can to protect our users, much more so than the majority of forums on the internet. We constantly review our policies regarding privacy, and make changes where appropriate to protect our member's pictures and private data.

As we have seen, the fake members on this site and others are by their nature very chatty - they have nothing to gain by lurking and not posting - their sick enjoyment comes from fooling people into thinking they're someone they're not. We take action whenever we discover this going on, and believe me we are vigilant.

As to our membership number and the fact that many don't post, this is common across all forums on the net. People either register and then never visit again, have a long break from forums, or just aren't the talkative type.

I personally don't feel that banning members who have not posted in 'X' amount of time would benefit the community or our members, but we are making some small changes to remind people who have not posted for a while about the forums, so hopefully more will return and start posting.

When baby and parenting companies choose which websites to advertise on, they look at the amount of members of a community as a good way of seeing which sites are popular. If we didn't keep this number growing and of a decent level, we wouldn't have advertisers approaching us, meaning that we'd have adverts that aren't relevant for our members and that we'd struggle to keep the site running (It costs way more than most free hosted or small forums.)

I hope you understand these reasons, and of course I'm happy to answer any questions or listen to any more feedback.

With a site like this one people come to it for a reason i.e. they're pregnant, trying to conceive or are already parents. The primary reason they join is to receive advice from real people and their experiences. For example before finding and joining this site I joined one for dad's whose children didn't live with them and it was full of horrible, bitter men always spouting doom and gloom. There was no constructive advice and actually made me feel worse. Then I found this site which was friendly and full of sensible advice, with a range of opinions.
However once the initial crisis/reason for people joining is over they (unless hooked on internet chatting) tend to drift away, just coming back when there is a problem.
Saying that I joined for a problem which the brilliant members on here helped with, and now I post when something interesting happens or if I feel I an offer some advice. Sometimes its weeks between posts and other times I'm on every day.
I was going to say I'm not a talkative person but once I get going on something it can be hard to stop. Just look at this post. lol!
I use this site now as a social thing too, as I don't have any friends to speak of and nobody to talk to, unless I phone the ex. On here, no matter how long its been since my last post, I feel like I have some friends. And don't bite my head off as this may sound bad, but its like having virtual friends. I still prefer the real thing but since I don't have that and struggle to meet people to make friends with, I'm just glad I've got you guys. (Sorry cheesy moment)
Its also useful as I can go back and delete things I typed before posting. Its a bit harder to take something back after it spills out of your mouth in conversation.
So much for a short response. I guess what I was trying to say is some will have joined and left, whilst others are just use the site when they need something (a free public service). And then there's the rest of us that are posting all the time even about the silliest little things sometimes, just because it makes us feel good. I think this site is (word deleted) excellent! keep up the good work.

Owen I think you have hit the nail on the head. 😀

Hi All

I thought it is needed for me to post on this particular thread in particular because I am what you would call a "lurker"

I have no intention of "stealing anyone's identities". The reason I registered on this sight is because I am pregnant for the first time & I haven't a clue what is going to happen to me. I have money worries & body worries & how the hell am I meant to push something the size of a watermelon out of my.. ah-hem.. Anyway reading your stories gives me reassurance that I can be a good mum too as everyone else does it no matter what the situation.

Yes I can do it anonymously without you all knowing I'm here but how can I check for new posts etc? It doesn't show a little yellow star on new posts if I dont log in.

The reason I dont post is because I dont feel that I have any advice to give. I'm not a mum, I'm going to be one though & thats why I'm lurking.

Anyway while I'm here I might as well introduce myself, I'm Nicola & I'm preggers with my first child.

Nice to meet you all x

Hi Nicola

As far as I am concerned friendly lurkers are always welcome, especially if it helps to get the membership numbers up for the means of helping to get sponsorship to keep the site running.

Remember that everybody is here as they have something in common. If you need some advice then ask a question. I can't guarantee that you'll get the same answer from everybody but you'll get a good set of responses from a wide range of people.

Personally, I won't be able to comment too much on the whole pregnancy thing (being a bloke) but I can offer opinion on why we think and behave the way we do, some of the time.

Any way, however involved you decide to get good luck with the pregnancy and I hope that you find the information on this site useful.

Hi Nicola and welcome,if you need any advice or just want to chat about anything we are always around,its so scary with you first and overwhelming and your never really sure what to believe,I am Jo and have 2 boys aged 1 and 3,if you dont want to post you can always pm me if you want someone to talk too, 😀

i not meant to start a fight or offend anyone with this post i was just more curious as to why there are so many people that dont post im not on any other parenting site so i not a lurker anywhere else and i do understand that some people are a bit shy about posting for the first time i think mainly i wanted to try and lure some of them out and talk to us as we are a friendly bunch and its always great to meet new people. im a bit like owen i have friends but 99% of my friends dont have kids so they dont understand where im coming from with having kids and i also was a bit nervous when i first posted but im glad a did now as i feel i have made a good group of other parents who have been in similair situations as me and that i can talk to about anything so anyone whos a bit shy please feel free to drop us an introduction like nicola has as we really are a friendly bunch.

finally welcome nicola to jp when you say you have money worries etc are doing this on your on or do you have a supportive oh and all i can say is what got me through the labour was the fact that i knew it was a few hours of discomfort for a lifetime of joy from my baby thats what got me through whenever i started freaking out. im ellee by the way im 23 and single mum to izzabella who'll be 2 in august.

ellee1984 said:
when you say you have money worries etc are doing this on your on or do you have a supportive oh

I do have a supportive oh, we both work full time & are both on a goodish salary but we live beyond our means at the mo, not like takeaways etc but my maternity pay at work is full pay for 6 weeks & then half pay for 33 weeks. Which is a big drop.

i understand what you mean about the drop in pay mine was 95% of my wages for 6 weeks then the staturory £108 a week and to top it off they taxed me on it then gave me a rebate at the end of the tax year

you maybe able to claim wtc/ctc credits they really help they kinda top your wages up, yours and your ohs wages will be taking into consideration but you should be able to claim them have you looked into them i didnt know about them until sometold me and you will also get i think its over £18 a week (though if your not a single mum its monthly) in child benefit from the government and it goes up every year and you get that upto the age of 19 as long as the child remains in full time education

i hope thats a little bit of help to you to easy some of those worries

Hi Nicola Thank you for joining in with us 😀 ... we are all just a little bit on edge due to some circumstances that happened here a few months ago...

This is a really great site with a great group of people here, I think we have a few who started out a little shy but aten't so much any more LOL...

Congrats on your pregnancy, we have a few here that are expecting so you should get lots of support and even friendship here!

JustBehave said:


The reason I dont post is because I dont feel that I have any advice to give. I'm not a mum, I'm going to be one though & thats why I'm lurking.


Anyway while I'm here I might as well introduce myself, I'm Nicola & I'm preggers with my first child.

Nice to meet you all x

welcome to JP hun.

All adive is greatly recieved- you dont have to be a mum (or Dad) to give advice sometimes just looking in and being a different opinion is what we need (does that make sense??)

Hope we can give you any advice or support if/when you need it 😘

Welcome to JP Nicola

I'm Sarah, mummy to charlotte 4 and George 22 months x

I understand the money worries hun, we are still getting back on track after having our second but it's all worth it.

Hey and welcome