From the best to the worst

Having had a great weekend just gone, I came home on a high on Sunday evening. I went around to see the kids for a little while when I got back.

Yesterday I got an urgent request and had to travel abroad for work, managed to get the job completed early and came back today instead of Thursday. Went to the gym (feeling guilty as it had been nearly a week) and then came home to my empty house, where I was hit with about the lowest feeling I have had since all the events of the last few months.

I work alone at home, occasionally meeting colleagues, but more likely travelling to locations and meeting people I will only ever see once or twice. Other than one person, who is highly unreliable, I don't have a single person in the town where I live to socialise with or talk to. My best man, and friend of 12 years has bearly said a word to me since my wife left me, and even less since my dad died. My other friends (all three of them) each live more than 100 miles from me, and other from this last weekend I hear very little from them.

The friend I met on the weekend was great. We sat and talked, and she listened. We drank, played pool and had a laugh, just what I needed. We texted a bit last night, but I am worried that as she is engaged, and we haven't seen each other in over a year that I may become a bit of an emotional sponge, having nobody else to talk to. Probably end up annoying her.

I have suddenly realised I am very alone, and I don't like it. My work does not give the opportunity to make "real" friends during work, and doesn't give me time outside to find other ways to make friends. If I went out by myself to a pub, I'd probably end up sat in the corner by myself, looking like one of those miserable old gits I used to laugh at when I was younger.

I think everybody feels lonely at times, I know I've certainly been in the position you're in now, and I imagine most of us can sympathise with how you're feeling.

The only thing I can say is that you're obviously a caring, kind and loving person and it will only be a matter of time till you meet someone who takes that loneliness away 🙂

Making new friends can seem really tough at times, even more so when you don't feel great about yourself, but it really is a case of plucking up the courage to chat to people who are not strangers, but friends-to-be.

If you're ever in the Norwich area, let me know. I'll buy you a beer! 😀 I work in IT (well, online marketing) so I'm sure we'll have plenty of geek things to chat about 😉

i dont know you very well, but it sounds like youve been thru a pretty hard time and its natural that you would feel the way you do sometimes - i really wish i had something useful to say, i know its not much but you seem to have friends on here and im happy to chat, as will my hubby be when he's on

i remember feeling that lonely before i met barry, but as rob says you need to pluck up that courage to go out - you wont look like a sad old git - go to your local pub a few times and sit at the bar, that way you get to recognise faces, and they will recognise you - trust me after a couple of pints you'll all be chatting, barry and i have made some really nice friends this way - its a start hunni 😘

Sounds like you have been through a tough time mate.Like Glenny i wish i had something useful to say, but what she mentioned about going out is true i lost touch with allot of my mates and used to go and (still do) to my local pub just for a pint by myself but now i go in and i cant get peace i know that many people lol
It must be hard if your in a strange area but i,m sure it will work out for you and if you ever feel like an a chat on here just give me a shout ....i,m around most times ...mostly when i should be working 😊

Thanks guys. Sounds so easy when you say it like that.

Like usual I tend to put barriers up to prevent me doing the right thing, the nearest pub is 30 minutes walk away and in the town centre (not exactly local), I don't have time and I shouldn't be drinking beer because I'm trying to lose weight and get in shape.

Just think .....the 30minute walk could be your exercise
and then when you get there you would have to have a beer to quench your thirst 😉 😀

I like your reasoning. I'll have to make sure there is beer in the fridge to encourage me for the walk home as well!!!! LMAO

Doesn't quite match up to the 1.5 hours I spent down the gym last night, and the half hour walk back from the train station with my laptop and suitcase having just flown back from Holland.

Definitely sounds more enjoyable though!!!!

hi i think men find it harder to make friends but usually once made they stay friends for a long time i know what its like to move to a strange area and not to know anyone and how sitting in a room full of people you still feel lonely but in time you push yourself to explore the unknown and sometimes your rewarded by making a friend from nothing

I agree. When I was with my wife she made and lost many friends, with only one or two of them lasting for any longer than a year or so. The few people that I classify as true friends have been for over 10 years, although I can be useless at keeping in touch with them as we all live so far away from each other.

For me the difficult thing is that I have lived here for 5 years and still not met anyone. The bars are pretty rubbish, and there is only one club. I would like to find a nice, relatively quiet pub with a pool table and that would be me relatively happy. I reckon I'm good enough (not wishing to boast) to make it onto a pub pool team, the problem there is that I never know when I am going to be around because of work, and pool teams normally play on a Wednesday night.

sounds really silly but have you tried doing a search for pool teams in the area?? i know the area my oh lives in have many many pool teams and they like to have "spares" like stand in people maybe you could do that, its not a regular game but you will be called upon if needed....just a thought

I can only agree with what everyone else has said. Getting a hobby is a good way to make friends too.

Hope you begin to get rid of that feeling of loneliness and get out and get making some friends 😀

I know exactly how you feel, thats how I feel most nights. Im lucky I have Joseph upstairs and he is great company through the day but once bedtime hits I realise im on my own and it is so lonely. 4 years I have been like this (although Im sure my Mr right is out there somewhere) I dont seem to have much friends either, with being at Uni last year I was so busy I lost touch with a few (not that we had a lot in common now) and they few I have I find it hard seeing, let alone going out as I need a sitter. I moved back to my home town when I seperated to be near the support of my parents, but the people my age who are still here only know the town, they have never been away, they have married they local buy who has never left either and they have 2.4 kids, so nothing much on common with most of them (except the kids part).

I would go and ask in the local pub about a pool team (or even darts, which then could lead you into other pubs where there is a pool team). Hope you begin to shake of that lonely feeling soon babe.xx

Thanks. I want to do these things but there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day.

This week I'm at home Monday, then Tuesday lunch time I leave to travel to Dublin, and don't fly back until Friday evening. Okay, at least this weekend I am then travelling to my mum's and going to see some friends on Saturday night. Every other weekend I have the kids to stay all weekend, so I don't get much time to do anyhting. And I'm still trying to get the house straight after she left and I went on a manic decorating spree.

Pretty much I find most week nights are written off because of work, either because I'm staying away, or have been somewhere and get back late. When I am at home at a sensible time, I am using my evenings to go to the gym. I have 3 stone to lose to get down to a healthy weight that I want to be at, plus I want to get fit. My target is to achieve this by the end of next year.

In September 2008 I am going to be cycling from John O'Groats to Lands End to raise money for Marie Curie Cancer Care. This is because they looked after my dad for the last few days of his life earlier this year, and did it with the upmost care and dignity.