is being a mum harder than you expected

ok will start the ball rolling,after having conrad and having a emergency c-section which nobody had even thought I would ever need after a easy time with ethan and having all the attention of before and after giving birth and having a new arrival,am now feeling a little lonely as friends and family hardly ever ring me with the exception of a few that do make a effort,am a SAHM of 2 little ones now and it is tough and hard work I very rarely get a break as nobody offers to babysitt or take them off my hands,I am very lucky to have the best hubby in the world who helps out loads as well as working long hours into everynight,dont have any friends who have children either and have no friends that live nearby and cant drive so am limited,ethan goes to playgroup 3 mornings a week which is brill as we can leave him there for a couple of hours and he has the best time playing with the other children,do at times get a little down about these things but overall being a mum and wont rule out doing it all again (PREGNANCY) soon,hopefully as soon as we get a bigger house with a bigger mortgage,being a mum is alot more lonely than I ever thought it would be.JO

😘 I know how you feel JO.I had those similar feelings myself not to long ago.I know i only have the one child but it did and sometimes still does take alot out of me.I do have a great support group and lots of baby sitters but i always feel so guilty when my ds is away from me just so i can have time out.As you also said i hope we have another child soon and i know with love and support from my jp friends and my family i can and will always get through anything that is thrown my way.

I guess now that I'm going to be on campus studying i will have more adult interaction i think that is what i miss the most. 😘

awww hun ill be ur friend even if i dont live near u ill still be hear to chat,have u got msn?im always on that.i was the same ive got no friends that have children so most of the time i dont get invited out places cus they think i cant.my husband is good to but hes always workin and i never get to see him its like he doesnt finish til 1am and to be true i do it scared when kieran goes to bed 🙁 xx butt to ur answer no i dont find it hard cus kieran is a very good boy and always as been since he was born i hope is brother or sister turns out the same lol xx

Yes I find it harder but also more rewarding than I ever thought it could be. For me it's mostly financial struggle... Don't take this the wrong way, but because I have her, I can't work 2 jobs like I always used too, so therefore, I struggle more financially, even when I was working 1 job. But if I didn't have her, I can't imagine how my life would be (even if I could work alot!) I never used to think about the days as a mother when you're sick and have no one to hand the child off too, you just have to go about the daily routine no matter how crappy you feel. I don't miss not going out as much cuz I did so much of that in my teens and twenties, I'd rather hang with her to be honest, although I do enjoy the occasional break. My best friends have kids and are close by so that actually works out well, as Aaralyn is also friends with their kids 😀

I had a horrendous time when i first had megan. I'd waited 10 long and heartbreaking years before i finally became a mum to a living child, after losing 3 to m/c and my darling emily to stillbirth. I had to have an emergency C sect with meg and the first i saw her was on a camcorder, as i was still being stablised after having a general anaesthetic. I loved her right from the start but it wasnt the overwhelming love i thought i'd be filled with. I think it was due to being so much in pain and spending so long thinking it would all go wrong again, she didnt feel like she was 'mine' at first, i'd been so used to holding other people's babies, to have my own finally in my arms was quite overwhelming, i felt quite 'lost' to be honest. Also having being in hospital for over 2 months being looked after 24/7 due to pregnancy complications, then being moved to a postnatal ward and basically being left to fend for myself was hard to take. Midwives didnt care about my situation, they just showed me the basics and left me to it. I was also so upset as i wanted to breast feed but meg didnt have the strength so i wanted to change to bottle. The midwives wouldnt let me ( they wanted to hit targets ) so me and meg were pulled and pushed in every unnatural position. I was getting upset, meg was getting upset and hungry! My then husband in the end, marched down to the midwives and demanded a bottle! I left on day 3, i'd had enough and i wanted to take my baby home. Meg had to be fed every 3 hrs due to being so tiny ( 5lb 3oz). I had a hard time recovering from the C section. Then meg developed colic so from about 3 weeks to 16 weeks, she howled every single day from 4pm til midnight, one day it was 11am til midnight! Then when she was 8 weeks, i developed postnatal depression! So i would say my dream of being an earth mother was completely and utterly shattered! I had no support from my family, they actually called me 'attention seeking'.

BUT..after i started becoming well again, left my husband and met and moved in with my now fiance, being a mother has become a complete joy. Meg was always a loving, delightful child, i guess i just found it overwhelming due to everything happening at the same time. She's 5 now and she's my little buddy! I love her so damn much! I cant do it again, i've had a hysterectomy, but if i was able to have another child, i'd be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing. I was just so scared of losing meg, that when she was finally here, i worried more about losing her than i should've. Sometimes i wish i could turn the clock back as i feel i missed some of her babyhood but i cant have done a bad job, she's a complete joy to be around and so well behaved.

It is harder than what I did expect. I was at college when I was pregnant, left at xmas and went back after Easter, the college I went to was 15 miles away so all my mates live up that way and I can't drive so I hardly see them. I finished a few months ago after being at college nearly 3 years. I don't know what to do with myself after having so much time free now, I love spending the time with my daughter and regret that I wasn't there as much as I should of been. I've got a few mates with children and my auntie has a girl and pregnant again, we did hang out alot but now she is pregnant shes not 100% up to going out and stuff.

Its definately harder than I thought it was going to be- your're NOT alone!! I have my gorgeous 8 month old son and I would never be without him but it has been hard make no mistake.

I found breastfeeding agonisingly painful and my midwives bullied me into not supplementing with a bottle and basically told me I'd be an awful mum unless I breastfed til he was 1 year old! I had a horrific forceps delivery and was in agony with the stitches for ages (I cried every time I had a pee as it was soooo painful). To be honest, when they handed me the baby I was so horrified by what they had just done to my body (I felt violated) that I didn't bond immediately with him. The 😠 male doctor even told me "I don't really think you're trying very hard to push"- this was after 24 hours of labour and an epidural so i couldn't feel anything, let alone feel how to push! I felt like saying to him, ok, I'll shove a watermelon down your throat and then give you a laxative and we'll see how well you do eh?!!

Anyway, things are great now with me and the little one but it takes a long time to adjust to motherhood, especially with raging hormones etc.. Give yourself time and don;t be too hard on yourself that you feel like this, its natural. Even the women who look so capable and natural as mothers have had their "aaarrrggghhhh I can't take this anymore" moments. For me, I found that taking my son to nursery just one afternoon a week keeps me sane. It gives me time to go shopping or do something nice like going to the cinema or having a massage and basically allows me to feel like me again and not just a mum. You're not alone hon. It does get easier and to think of the alternative of life without them is much more unbearable. 😉

i have to say at the moment no its not too hard. when they were small yes, especially when i had ben and having to run around after a 12 month old aswell left me shattered. catherine had colic too. that was a hard and testing time for everyone.

i live 300 miles away from my friends and family and have not had an evening out with just me and james since i moved here 5yrs ago. thats the only thing i think that 'upsets' me. that im with them 24/7. but like everyone else i wouldnt give them up for the world

staceyb said:
i have to say at the moment no its not too hard. when they were small yes, especially when i had ben and having to run around after a 12 month old aswell left me shattered. catherine had colic too. that was a hard and testing time for everyone.

i live 300 miles away from my friends and family and have not had an evening out with just me and james since i moved here 5yrs ago. thats the only thing i think that 'upsets' me. that im with them 24/7. but like everyone else i wouldnt give them up for the world

You had a colicky one too huh... I think that makes it especially hard because you don't know why your baby is crying and you can't help them stop... made me sometimes feel like a failure and why couldn't I comfort my own baby, ect... Did she just come out of it all the sudden a really happy baby??

hapydazy said:
You had a colicky one too huh... I think that makes it especially hard because you don't know why your baby is crying and you can't help them stop... made me sometimes feel like a failure and why couldn't I comfort my own baby, ect... Did she just come out of it all the sudden a really happy baby??

yes she did. it was awful and i couldnt put her down as she seemed to scream more so i spent almost 5 months carrying her around in a sling, hoovering, washing even going to the toilet with her attached to me lolol

hapydazy said:

staceyb said:
i have to say at the moment no its not too hard. when they were small yes, especially when i had ben and having to run around after a 12 month old aswell left me shattered. catherine had colic too. that was a hard and testing time for everyone.

i live 300 miles away from my friends and family and have not had an evening out with just me and james since i moved here 5yrs ago. thats the only thing i think that 'upsets' me. that im with them 24/7. but like everyone else i wouldnt give them up for the world

You had a colicky one too huh... I think that makes it especially hard because you don't know why your baby is crying and you can't help them stop... made me sometimes feel like a failure and why couldn't I comfort my own baby, ect... Did she just come out of it all the sudden a really happy baby??

Oh Megan was a nightmare colicky baby! We tried everything from changing teats to changing formula and then adding colic drops. NOTHING WORKED! 😬 I would sit in the middle of the living room, on the floor and cry my eyes out! But when she was 16 weeks old and started to wean her, it stopped! 😀 😀

Yep, it was a nightmare from 2-4 months 🤪 and then that was it. I honestly think it was her empathetic self feeling all my stress at the time... I think babies can sense our emotions sometimes even when we try to hide it and even if they don't understand it, I really believe that.

Stacey, Aaralyn wasn't even happy when I carried her around with me. The only time she was peaceful during that time was when she was sleeping. I have so many sleeping infant pictures of her from then 😉

Glad you both (and me too) have happy girls now 😀

before i had charlie bein a mum was easy, i never had any problems with shannon or declan, they worked well with routine and were always well behaved, i had time for myself more, but since havin charlie my life has changed, i can no longer eat when i want to, clean when i want to, he cries all the time and is only happy when im sat with him, soon as i get up and move, even if im in the same room, he howls, hes teething atm so hes really clingy...i dont get time to eat or clean unless he sleeps and he isnt happy playin my himself so i cant leave him to his own devices!

im really struggling atm and feel miserable alot of the time..i never thought it wud be so hard..plus shannon has started playing up alot and back chatting and bein nasty! 😢

I actually found it easier first time around. I had the biggest shock of my life when I had George. Although I knew what to do it was the lack of support I found the most difficult.

I think people think you are an old hat at motherhood now but it is harder juggling chores with looking after a toddler and a newborn.

My husband told me at 7 months pregnant that he wasn't ready for another baby 🤔 and after missing Georges birth he didn't really want much to do with him at first. Eventually he came around but the first few months with George weren't as enjoyable as I expected. I remember feeling constantly tired and tearful for a good 4 months and felt a bit of a failure for finding things difficult.