Question for the fellas on here:

Some male input would really be appreciated here (but if you are also female reading this, comments would be also welcome)

Ok, I have just started doing party plan selling wooden toys. Yesterday I had my first summer fayre which meant I was out of the house from 8.15-5.30pm. That was fine no problem.

Today, I had arranged to help a friend move some furniture to her new house within the village we live. I have a people carrier with seats that come out so saw no need for her to hire a van or anything. Didnt tell my other half until this morning as he alwaus has to moan if I do something like this so would rather have the moan on the day rather than in the few days leading up to it!!

Now the problem is, we have 4 children, 1 being a teenager so out most of the time and then 3 aged 10, 5 and 3. Other half has never really done much in regards to changing nappies, spending time with the kids etc so he had a right go today about me being out again and he had to deal with the kids.

We had also arranged to go to my parents for dinner at 4 so he said that he would take the kids out and he might not be back in time for the kids to go there.

I went to my friends house at 10.45 and got back at 12.15pm so not out long. He was still there, sat on his arse watching tv and made a big deal about how he had cleaned the kitchen and hoovered upstairs. I can be quite sarcastic so mentioned about giving him a pat on the back and giving him a gold star etc.

Knowing full well that we were to be at my mums by 4, he didnt take the kids out until 1.30pm knowing this would make me cross and I started laying into him about how my mum would have cooked and that all the food would be wasted. In the end he got the kids there for 3.15 but didnt stay himself!!

Now, I hardly ever do my own thing at the weekend, he often works Saturdays even though he said he wouldnt when we moved in this house. I am in the house 24/7 childminding and looking after our kids and doing everything else. Oh, I do go our for an hour on Tueseday and Thursday for belly dancing and pilates.

How would you guys have reacted if your other half was like this - do you begrudge spending time with your kids?? Should I have stayed home all weekend??

Many thanks and sorry if this is jumbled and you got bored!!

Alison
x

hey,
i enjoy spending time with my daughter, granted sometimes its hard, but most of the time its great. dont know how you manage 4 children and to be at home all the time. which is why i always said to my girlfriends / partners etc.. that if they wanted to go out with freinds and take some time out, then thats fine.
maybe your husband is used to being looked after and is a little scared of you wanting a little time out, but im sure if he took more time with the kids he would probably enjoy it after time and im sure you would like the help.
i guess all blokes are different, im sure you know how yours works. but no i wouldnt have flown off the handle with you, but then thats me.

lee works 5 nights a week hesin bed tll at least between 3 an 4 pm mon to fri
he calls me moanin co for moanin but me sick of tellin him i feeel like a single parent 😬 he says thats life grrrrrrrrrrr we have 3 kids 4 3 and 18 month

Personally I love spending time with my kids. I am more than happy to look after them myself and when they were younger I did the whole nappy and bottle feeding thing alternating the nights with my wife even though I had a full-time job that anywhere from 40-60 hours a week. Even did it for the eldest who wasn't mine (5 months old when I met my wife).

For me a would prefer to be notified of things a few days before they happened so that I could make plans, or at least be prepared. However, I understand that if doing that leads to a few days of moaning before hand then you would be less inclined to mention these things in advance.

Maybe you can find away to get him to enjoy spending time with the kids. I know easier said than done. I have three and at times that can be a handful. For a dad with not much hands on experience it would be daunting. Maybe it should start with just one or two of them at the time. The other thing is to try to get the kids to involve him in things as well.

There are sometimes weeks where my husband works as little as 10 hours and he still doesn't help me out or do any extra bits with the kids or house work. I can go absolutely ballistic at him or keep calm and hope he'll do something but either way he's a selfish lazy git. He'll bath the kids (but then I have to pick all the clothes up from the floor) or he'll cut the grass once a fortnight or whatever then act as if it's the same as all the chores I do EVERY DAY. I have got to the stage myself where I'm questioning who is the unreasonable one. Is it me for expecting him to do more as I am a stay at home mum; or is it him taking me for granted? I feel cross every day.
I don't think you did anything wrong alis378

my dp is out of the house from 7.30am to 6pm monday to friday and when he is home hes great, but im a little envious as during the summer he plays cricket on a saturday and thursday (evening) and practise on a wednesday evening. im with the kids 24/7. dont go anywhere myself. but i cant complain about his ability as a father

I don't think what you did was wrong at all. It's different for me because my BF is not my daughter's dad... Her Dad works 3rd shift Friday and Saturday nights and takes her a couple of times a week for a few hours each, occasionally over night on Sundays, so I appreciate the "adult only" time when I get it and I think every active parent deserves it! I do miss my LO like crazy when she's gone but I still appreciate and deserve the time to myself to do whatever (like feed my addiction here LOL 😊 😉 )