Hello

Hi

I am a father with 3 kids. I am married (at the moment) although my wife is currently trying to make up her mind what she wants from life and whether or not she wants me to be part of it.

The eldest 9yo is from a previous relationship my wife had, we have a 5yo and 3yo together.

I would like some opinions on some things that we are currently going through and would like input from both men and women on these as another forum that I joined which was aimed at parents tends to be bitter fathers that have access problems and so their responses are based around this.

Welcome to Just Parents, I am sure you will get fair and unbiased feedback regarding your problems, we're a friendly bunch here and not a spat party 🙂 Feel free to post any concerns and await the members responses.

Hi there and welcome to JP

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment. We are all a friendly bunch on here and hopefully and opinions you get will be unbiased

look forward to chatting to you more
x

Hi and welcome to JP hun.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through hun!
Me and my partner when through a smiliar thing last year - only it was him who wasn't sure whether he wanted me to be part of his life anymore - was a hard couple of weeks hun but we got through it but we had to do a lot of talking - he then realised he never actually wanted me to leave - he was just a bit low and finding it hard to say how he felt. We have since had our second child and moved into a flat and it's only made us stronger hun - please talk to your partner hun i know it can be hard but you both need to be honest about how you are feeling. at one point during this time my partner refused to cuddle me while i was upset saying it wasnt fair but then we couldnt let go of eachother - it does make u realise how much you have actually got! hoping its the same sort of thing for u hun feel free to pm me if u wanna chat xxx

hey there welcome to jp hun, sorry to hear you are having problems at the minute but hoping things get sorted for you, you will make a lovely bunch of friends on here, everyone are so nice x

Hi all and thanks for the responses so far

For the full story of everything so far see my post here https://www.justparents.co.uk/ftopict-1279.html

I work in IT both doing techincal work, but also assisting in creating solutions for customers to assist the sales team. It is long hours and so I don't get much free time. What time I do have I like to spend with the family rather than doing something by myself. As i am based from home, the office is 1.5 hours away, I don't regularly meet the same people. Also with the hours I keep and working away from home regularly I don't really know anybody locally. My one real friend of over 10 years lives 35 miles away and we have irregular contact. I met up with him just after me and the wife started having problems and haven't heard from him since.

Although being in IT I have never really got on with the whole online chat or forum thing, more my wifes thing. I found her using phrases such as hun and babe on the web and in text messages to another man (she used them for women too) and didn't approve saying that these were phrases were in appropriate feeling that they were phrases that were used between two people that are in a relationship, but recognised that women talk to each other this way as well. Having joined this forum only yesterday and already been called hun a few times I can see that it is obviously just the way that people talk on these forums.

My wife uses myspace and so I joined and setup a basic site to try and get involved and an understanding of what she was talking about. It is still in its infancy but you can get to my myspace page at www.myspace.com/orcster and see the picture of me and my son on our wedding day.

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Hey there

We are all friendly here, sorry your having problems at the moment.

I know what you mean by being a bit illiterate to forums, I'm the same but I'm getting there, fortunately my DH is a moderator on a forum so he pretty much knows things inside out.

Anyway, welcome to JP I'm Sarah and mum to Charlotte 3 and George 11 months x

hi there welcome to jp x

Hi Orc

Hope your wife makes the right decision. I can't even begin to think how much of a head f*ck it would be, having children from two different failed relationships. I hope it goes ok. Try to trust her implicitly... or at least kid on you do! I sit on this laptop for ages and my hubby just leaves me to it - I think there would be some serious grumblings if he questioned me. It's nice that she let you see what she was doing on the net. I obviously don't know the whole story, I just feel that without trust you're onto a non-starter...
Keep us posted, HON 😀
Take care
LB

Hi Ladybug

Too late I am afraid. See my thread https://www.justparents.co.uk/ftopict-1291.html

Bit hard to trust when she tells me she has feelings for this other guy and that she kissed him.

just coz she kissed him, don't mean that she'll defo go with him. IMO,you should leave someone coz its over. not because you want someone else.

We were already having problems before the kiss incident. She has feelings for this other guy and will not tell him until she leaves the house.

It's just convenient for her that those feelings happened to start at the same time as she decided separately that she does not want to be with me any more.

Coincidence? I am not sure.

I love her still and want to work it out but she doesn't. So now my focus has to be the kids. She wants to take them 1.5 hours away from here to start a new life with her. So at the same time as losing their dad they will also lose their house, friends and schools. Basically lose everything that is familiar to them, except for her.

With her moving away it will make contact difficult for me, as money is already tight. I have to pay petrol to travel to see them, I have to buy new furniture to go in the house as I will probably have to let her take most of it so that the kids have beds etc. Without furniture at my house I cannot have them to stay. Its a nightmare.

I have asked her to be reasonable and at least stay in the town that we live in now so that the kids can maintain as much normality as possible but she will not consider this. The constant discussions and arguments about this particular thing are just making feelings between us worse but she is unwilling to compromise on where she moves to. Even if we can't fix our relationship I want things to be amicable between us for the sake of the kids but this is a big sticking point and will cause resent between us whichever way it turns out.

sounds like she has made her mind up to leave eh?. thats sad news. Even though you will lose your kids, it would be best to stay amicable (if you can) for your kids. It'll be very hard on them too & think they are some way to blame. Try to do best by them in this awkward situ, they are innocent in all this adult world. x

I have always tried to be the voice of reason with my wife throughout this horrible and emotional experience. Yesterday she thought there was nothing to stop her moving, and now I have explained that I may try for residency to stop her taking the kids away from an area they are familiar with. Yesterday she also thought that she would be able to get housing benefit, but now she realises that while her name is on the house and there is potential equity she will not be able to.

After some bitter arguing earlier today, some time to cool down and then a sensible discussion this evening we have hopefully reached an agreement that she will stick to. She will find somewhere within the same town that we currently live in, and move there with the children. This will provide the best possible outcome for the children as I will be close by, and they will remain at the same school with their friends nearby. We will then review this in a year and decide what happens from there. 😀 😀 😀 😀

Still makes me want to 😢 but it was better than what she wanted. And definitely better than having to drag it through the courts. May need a little legal advice to see if a document signed by the two of us, and maybe by a witness as well would stand up.

Glad your kiddies will still be near, that's the most important thing. It must be really hard for good caring fathers because it's always assumed the mother will keep the children. Which seems kind of strange when you concider that up until that point both parents have been equal.

hi hun. really sorry for the problems you are going through. hope it all gets sorted out soon and the kids dont suffer too much

im stacey im 32, from north yorkshire and a mum to 3. jami (11) catherine (4) and ben (3)