Seeking some advice after 2 IVF failed cycles.

Hello my name is Brenda, two years ago I was diagnosed with bad ovarian reserve. Me and my husband went to see an specialist after a year of failing at getting myself pregnant. I am a little ashamed of admitting I didnt did much research to keep a tight control on my cycle and almost didnt prepare my body for it. I was quite ignorant at the time as while I did liked the idea of having a family with my husband I never thought about nor really understood all which entailed. It wasn’t until six months of failing that I began to keep a good check on my cycle and the such. After a year me and my husband went to an specialist and we did some test, just like I already mentioned the doctor told me I had a low ovarian reserve.
The news was really bad for me and my husband. While he tried to keep calm and supportive I couldnt help but though he blamed me, when in truth it was me who was blaming myself. I really blamed me for being unable to give my husband the baby he wanted, I couldnt help but think my body was wrong, that all of this wouldnt be happening if my body was right. During that time my husband was a great support, he really tries his best to keep me calm and help me to not give up. In the ovarian reserve test which I went through revealed that while my chance of getting pregnant through IVF was low, it want impossible. Me and my husband had been through two unsuccessful IVF cycles and me and my husband are thinking about surrogacy or egg donation. While I understand what those procedures include I would like some more personal opinions. Which of the two, based on experience would any of your recommend?

Hi Brenda welcome to this forum. Your story seems like it was a hard one and Im sorry that I cant help you nor give you any advice. I am still on an early stage in TTC so still think I can conceive through normal means. Also I must say I really feel inspired because of your story. You and your husband went through a lot and the two manage to keep going forward together. I must say I am happy you two manage to work things out as I hear there are cases in which the couple grows apart im happy to see that it wasn't the case for your and your husband seem to have instead grow closer together. I wish you the best and I know you will eventually achieve your dream.

About information, I know of a clinic as I been searching for information for a friend so feel free to check the post. I think do have the procedures you need.

Hello Alice thank for the welcome and for your kind words. I am really glad too, my husband has been quite a big support to me during all this time and I also tried my best to support him the best I could. My husband also got afraid and the such, so I also needed to help him and cheer him up. I also read your other post and I also have read the name of that clinic I have also heard good things and is definitely in my list in case I decide to go through either Egg donation or for surrogacy still doing some research as I would really like it if next time we give it a try I manage to get pregnant and finally began my husband and I dream of having a family.

I think IVF with donors egg will be a good option for you. I am sorry to hear about what you have been through, but at the same time it is so relieving to hear that your husband has been a great support through everything.

Glad to see that you are staying calm through all this and yes, when you have your husband's support, going through these medical procedures becomes stress free. From what I know, there are clinics and laws that allow surrogacy if it is proved that you cannot carry a child. So, maybe you want to first check that with your clinic and the country that you have planned to get your treament done with.

I agree with others here have got to say. It depends on the laws of that country and also whether you are able to carry a child. I wish you all the best with your decision. I hope you get the right treatment

I think it also depends on the doctors and the clinic where you are being treated. Success rates of the clinics differ and I believe it is because of the skill and may be knowledge. I think with the right clinic and the right doctors, your DE IVF can yield positive results.

Friedia puts it right! See a good consultant and make you sure you choose the right clinic. Failed IVF attmepts does not just tell about your situation it also tells a lot about the clinic where you had your first IVF done.

Hello Maggie, first of all let me thank you for your kinds words. I know very well I am quite blessed to having him in my life. I have heard stories of some men not able to withstand this kind of situations and they end up finishing their marriage and leaving the women. But I dont personally agree with that kind of behavior it does make me appreciate what my husband does for me even more. Also yeah, I think egg donation is my first choice in my next attempt as I think I will leave surrogacy as my last option. Once again I appreciate your good wishes and I wish you well too.

Hello Sam and Janet I really appreciate the support and your kind words I truthfully didnt expected to recieve so many kind words and I want to apologize for not thanking you before but I had been quite busy. First of all Janet I totally agree with you, having my husband around really ease me up and It has allowed me to deal with this situation in a way I never really expected before. Right when I learned about my condition I was totally freak out and I am ashamed to admit I did treat him poorly because at that moment I didnt knew how to deal with all the sadness. I was genuinely surprised he didn't snap back at me as I did deserve a good slap on the face. Instead he began to reassure me all will be okay and help me through the news of this two unsuccessful IVF cycles. Also sorry if it looks like im bragging im just really proud of him, that is why I also try support him when he need me, is my way of repaying him for all the kind words and the nice gestures he had with me during this time.

Also Sam yes some acquaintances did mention the laws of surrogacy and I can understand why they are so strict. I didnt knew at the beginning though and some people around me asked me why I was wondering about surrogacy and if I was suffering an extra condition which make me unable to safely carry a child. I dont have anything like that, even my doctor tells me to go more likely for egg donation as so far there isnt any reason to think I can safely carry a child. I am seeking about information as more of a just in case scenario. Also I understand the concern about the place and the people who does the treatment. While I would lying If I were to say I dont want a baby right now. I am trying to keep myself in a calm state and take my time to do my research about places and the treatments. I dont want to rush into anything. Once again I thank you two for your kind words and Janet I thank you for sharing your friend case It really makes me feel relieved and hopeful.

So sorry to hear your IVF failed. I am 45 and recently did IVF for the 3rd time. 2 previous cycles failed. Hope this one will be success. I believe this one will make me preg. My RE put me on meds 3 times/day. Studies show that it improves egg quality, ovary functions and makes the body more inviting for the embryos. Also am doing acupuncture seems to really take the stress down. Everything has gone GREAT so far. Had 3 eggs fertilized all grade 1and 2's. My RE was amazed that someone my age produced such high quality eggs. I think it was due to the meds and the acupuncture. I just love my RE he is so compassionate about what he does and has a high success rate. I will know in 2 days if we are pregnant. What am I saying, I know I am. The power of positive thinking! Prayers to all who are going thru this.

Hi BLeon1221,
My dear, I have been away for 5 months and when I decided to check what you guys are up to on this forum, the first thing I read is your touching post. Well, the low ovarian problem has been blamed for breakages in marriage. It makes it difficult for a woman to conceive and give birth to children. However, at least there’s some light at the end of the tunnel. Advancement in technology has made things better. IVF and surrogacy have continued to play a vital role in helping families conceive and give birth to as many children as they wish. All you need to do is to get introduced to a facility that offers the services and gets started. Now you have asked for my opinion on whether you should choose IVF on the donated egg or go for surrogacy. As far as I am concerned, surrogacy should be the last option. It is normally good for a woman to carry a pregnancy in her life. This way, she will come to understand what it means to have a baby. It also allows her to develop the feelings of carrying a baby and triggers the body to secrete the hormones that make her get attached to the baby. So I would suggest that you go for donor egg. It is a simple process that starts by going for tests to help establish your karyotype. A suitable donor is then sought. An egg is retrieved from her ovules and fertilized in the lab. If it shows signs of developing it are transferred to your womb and that is it.

Well, test was negative. Sure thought it was going to work. With everything going so well. We meet with our RE next monday to discuss next step. Not sure what we'll do. Would like to try again with my eggs but $ is a factor. Also I think it will be just a waste of time. 3 failed cycles are a lot. Don’t feel like I’ll cope with another fail. I think it’s time to move on to next step. I hope to ask our RE about donor eggs option. Want to know more about it. DH thinks we should try donor eggs. It has a higher success rate. Just doesn't make sense if my eggs were such great quality how donor eggs can increase success. Well hope RE will explain. Still can’t believe test was negative. Feel so confused and disappointed. Why getting pregnant is so hard for me while everyone I know conceive from the first try? This is so unfair. Probably I’ve done smth terrible in my previous life. Well at least I have de option. The only problem now is money. So far we can't afford to have de ivf I think. Have to discuss it with RE then with DH. So afraid to hear we won’t be able to have one more IVF. Don’t want to panic ahead of a time. Too much happening right now. Need to cope with the negative test first. Well cope is wrong word but you know. Have to try not to fall in depression and move on. Also have thoughts about starting to look for a nice fertility clinic. So many things to think about. Good Luck to everyone, and thanks for support. I' m glad I found this community. Sure helps to talk to other women going thru this. Prayers to all.

Hi there! I'm in the same boat. My DH & I been trying for 7 yrs. I know that it’s really hard to conceive. When you get pregnant you get so excited… But happiness lasts not so long… I lost it too. It’s sooo heartbreaking. I can’t take the pain... I'm just on the recovery state right now. I don’t have any advice to give to you ladies because I need one too... I'm hoping that I'll get pregnant right away… I dream about this. Also I know that all of you would want this too… It’s a good feeling to know that you are pregnant. Hopefully all of you will have a successful pregnancy next time.