Adopting an Abandoned Child

Three years ago, my neighbor adopted a baby girl. Her friends condemned her actions because the child's file at the orphanage stated that the baby was abandoned at a Church.

As the child grew, she began exhibiting some rebellious behaviors and the mother started to ponder if her friends were right after all. She consulted me and I told her even children born by their biological parents exhibit such behaviors as well.

She is not convinced and thinks there must be more to why the biological mother abandoned her. Does background check play a vital role while adopting a child?

I don't understand. Why did they condemn adopting a child abandoned at a Church? Is there some significance in that?

I have known some people who adopted children and also had trouble with them later in life. I do agree some of the behaviors can be hereditary. But environment plays an important part too, one can become the best version of themselves in a supportive stimulating environment.

I guess it sounds like a matter of whether you believe in the nature or nurture debate. Some people will say that a person's behaviour and attitudes are shaped by genetics and others will say it's by the environment around them. I think with the people I know who have adopted, a thorough background check and as much information about the child they could get was given by the adoption agency.

I applaud them for adopting a child. As with biological children, there are no guarantees about how a child will turn out. Children raised in great homes and born from wonderful people can turn into drug addicts or murderers. Children of drug addicts or murderers might grow to be outstanding, law abiding people. The hard part of parenting is the fact that you can not decide for child what type of person they want to be. We all have to learn from our own experiences and decide who we want to be and what we expect from ourselves.

All children go through rebellious fazes. Some more than others. What is important is how we deal with those rebellions. Parents need to be firm but loving when dealing with rebellion.

Once you adopt a child, they are your child, flaws and all. I have two biological children and one that we aquired a different way. They are all challenging. They all make me want to pull my hair out at times. And they all three know that I love them unconditionally, even when they make bad choices.

I applaud them for adopting a child. As with biological children, there are no guarantees about how a child will turn out. Children raised in great homes and born from wonderful people can turn into drug addicts or murderers. Children of drug addicts or murderers might grow to be outstanding, law abiding people. The hard part of parenting is the fact that you can not decide for child what type of person they want to be. We all have to learn from our own experiences and decide who we want to be and what we expect from ourselves.

All children go through rebellious fazes. Some more than others. What is important is how we deal with those rebellions. Parents need to be firm but loving when dealing with rebellion.

Once you adopt a child, they are your child, flaws and all. I have two biological children and one that we aquired a different way. They are all challenging. They all make me want to pull my hair out at times. And they all three know that I love them unconditionally, even when they make bad choices.

To be honest, I doubt you can foresee a child's attitude even as a baby. Even if she has rebellious parents, that doesn't necessarily mean she'll grow up to be that as well. So even if that baby was left at the Church by her parents, I don't think it's because of her attitude nor does her biological parent's attitude determines her future behaviour.

When it comes to older children though, it is okay to have a background check on them. Again, if they're just newborns though, I doubt that a background check would be beneficial. For older kids, you would want a history of their childhood and why their parents left them. You might want to know of some traumas, or maybe a history of where they have been (foster homes).

But aside from that, I think a child still has a lot of potential to change even after growing up in an unsatisfactory environment. With love, attention and care, they're bound to grow up as respectful and loving children. For me, nurture has a lot more influence in this case.

I dont believe that it has something to do with her family in why she acts out. It is only normal and for a teen being an orphan can become rebellious its a stage.

I always wanted to adopt but since I already have many kids this isntapplicable to me anymore. The best thing to do is just be supportive and give love. 🙂