Men...What are they used for again?

Okay so here i am blogging again, and last time i promised myself it would only be used to note the good times through having this baby. However i feel a little crappy so i figure i'll get it out here. :evil:
So after 'daddies' fantastically timed 'its me or the baby' question, i finally had an answer for him last night. It was weird because deep down i always knew what i wanted i just desperately didn't want to lose him, and therefore avoided even being honest with myself. It's amazing how much you can lie to yourself and actually believe it.
I was just so glad that no matter how i felt i never could have gone through with letting the little un' go.
Only now I'm faced with quite a weird mix of emotions, which i know are probably due to hormones but still are as equally hard to deal with. On the one hand I have a strong feeling of pride in myself for ever getting to this point and not ever letting him tell me what to do. On the other I have the grieving for my lost relationship which almost makes me feel like a complete idiot seeing as by rights, i should hate that pathetic little man, but i don't. What is that about?!
We were never going anywhere anyway and thinking about it our relationship was a nightmare, but god i miss him. And everything he does to make me feel worse works a treat. I just wish he could be more of a man and love this baby like i do. :frustrated:
All i can say is, bump i can't wait to hold you in my arms and prove to this world we can do this together.