wannabemum

I had a great day today! I went shopping up london with my mum and we had lunch and everything went really well. I am surprised in myself actually because i have found it hard to go to work let alone go shopping! But i am feeling great, more relaxed. As i told you last i am going away for the weekend with my boyfriend and i have bought something nice to wear!! You ladies know what i mean lol 🙂 so i am going to relax and have fun. Hope everyone is having a nice day and an even better weekend! I'll be back on monday xxx

I am feeling so much better the last few days its unreal! I have actually managed to smile for the first time in god know's how long! I have decided that i am going to concentrate on my havin fun and living life than worrying about when it will happen for me. I have booked a weekend away for me and my lovely boyfriend and i am just going to enjoy myself as much as i can and put aside my thoughts and anxiousness for a baby. I have realised there is no point in crying and thinking about it all the time or its never going to happen for me. Anything gots to be worth a try ay! As hard as it is for me to put these thoughts to the back of my mind i realise that my time will come when its good and ready. I am still going to be actively trying but not constantly worrying and stressing. I would like to thank you all as some of you have really helped me and i want those people to know that their help is truly appreciated.. Take Care xxx

So here i am again.. writing to you all about my problems conceiving! Well its very difficult as some of you may know and i am finding this the hardest thing in life ever! The more anxious i am to become a mum the more it seems likes its never going to happen and now i have got to the point where i have given up hope. Everyday i struggle to get out of bed i cant handle seeing another baby or pregnant women incase i break down in tears, i feel like lifes not worth living anymore. Everytime i get a little bit of hope something comes crashing down and leaves me feeling even worse than before and i dont know how to deal with it anymore i just feel so empty. I keep thinkin why has this happened to me? What did i do that was so wrong that god is punishing me for and i keep trying to find answers, ways to work aroung it, take my mind off things but i never can. I cant even face goign to work anymore as i work with baby clothes and essentials. What do i do? I need someone to tell me where i go from here what do i do next.. but no one has the answer to give me, no one knows. I have lost all of my faith in god beacause if he was there he would see how i am feeling and help me surely? I would be such a brillant mum why cant it just be my time? Will this angony go on forever?