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suffocation of bitterness

posted 8 years 1 week ago
My hubby at a time decided that I was not what he wanted and had found a significant other while I was pregnant. Even after I had given birth he still continued the relationship. All at the same time he wanted me to be tied down to only him. I cannot say how bad I fell into depression.

By some chance, he got his act together and is a family man or in a sense and I feel he has changed. But what can I do when I still have this ugly bitterness biting on my back. I can't watch a movie without thinking oh that girl look like that ex of his. Or I always doubt him I have lost all trust and think he will do it again. He still keeps things give to him by the girl even if I tell him that it is a painful reminder.

I would love to get myself back and not be so bitter about everything connected to them.

posted 8 years 23 hours ago
No one should experience what you have experienced but since you have, you must sit up and be firm with the decisions you make. A woman is responsible for keeping the home together; I would advice you to get 'me' time as much as possible.

Let your husband know how you feel and spell it out that you DO NOT want to see the flimsy items his ex got for him anywhere around you or you'll fling them out with him as well. It is about time he started giving you the respect you deserve. You went through pregnancy and delivery without his support and he still wants to step on your feelings? No way, take what you want. It is your life!

posted 8 years 15 hours ago
I can certainly understand your bitterness and it is a normal feeling when someone treats you that way. If he has truly changed, why does he need to keep tokens from his relationship that is supposed to be a part of the past? It does not seem like he is concerned with making and keeping your trust if his actions still do not make you feel that he will not do it again. Trust is a very important component to any relationship and you should not have to feel that he is going to repeat his previous actions. You may need to ask yourself a very hard question about whether you really want this current relationship with him or if you are just trying to make it what you had with him prior to his leaving you. No one should live with such doubt and bitterness as you seem to be suffering with.

I hope you can find peace from the bitterness you are suffering with and that you can find the right answers for you and your situation. Good luck.

posted 8 years 6 hours ago
I am very sorry that you had to go through this. To me what your husband did was unacceptable. No woman should ever have to go through that especially during pregnancy. I had a similar thing happen to me with my ex husband. He cheated on me pretty much our whole marriage which lasted not even two years. We split three times due to his abuse and cheating. The third time it happened was the last and I was pregnant with my now 19 year old son. I filed for a divorce while I was still pregnant. He put me through hell and I had enough of the mind games. One minute he wanted me the next he didn't. I knew it was over before it actually ended.

I can't imagine exactly what you are going through especially when there are things given to your husband by this person that sit in your house as a constant reminder of what he did. I think that is just not okay. It sounds like he is not willing to give up those memories with that other person and your feelings about this are taking a backseat to what he wants, which is completely selfish on his part. It seems he is not completely over this and that is something you need to consider. Why should you have to feel the need to question his every move due to the insecurities he created inside of you? He is obviously not concerned about how much he has hurt you. It doesn't sound like he has changed a whole lot.

He should be worshiping the ground you walk on and valuing every moment he has with you since you were willing to forgive him and try and to make it work. You are the bigger person in this situation and in my opinion if your staying due your child and not because that is truly what you want for yourself than you are in for a long and painful road ahead of you. You should take some time and really think about what is best for you and your child. I am not saying to leave your husband that is not my place to do. One thing I am wondering is if you have thought about counseling. Maybe he would be willing to go and you could really hash this out with him. One thing I will say is that for myself and what I went through with my ex I am still not completely over it. Sometimes something will remind me of that horrible time in my life and I almost go into a rage. So those feelings you have right now may never completely go away and having the constant reminders around you is not going to help you through it. All I know is when I divorced my ex I was heartbroken and felt like damaged goods but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wish you the best of luck and make the best decision for yourself not what you think the best decision is for him.

posted 7 years 11 months ago
I share the sentiments that what he did was terrible, especially during pregnancy. I ca only imagine the horrible, abuse you must have felt and still feel after going through that. As men we can be extremely selfish at times, never realizing how great and awesome the person we are with truly are. When men behave this way there is truly no excuse in heaven or on earth that make up for our pathetic behavior. We can only rely on love and forgiveness.

I really hope your hubby realized what he did was wrong and I hope for the rest of his life he treats you like the queen you are. We are stupid sometimes,so if he is really trying I hope you will keep on loving him. Perhaps it is time you openly discussed the pain, just so he understands clearly why you are bitter up to this point. He may really need to know that just coming back does not do you a favor. I hope this works out so you can start your happily ever after.

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