Terrible 2's carrying over.

I have a four year old son, and his terrible two's are now carrying over into his four's. He is going to be five in July, and I am terrified to send him to school with the temper tantrums he has at home. I never had any of these problems with my girls. I am not sure if it is because he is a boy? It is like at times, he has no patience and literally has a melt down for no reason. Anyone have any advice on how to handle it for his sanity as well as mine?

I haven't had to deal with anything like this, so just take my "advice" with a grain of salt but I *do* know what worked for a friend of mine whose son was exactly like you described your son. He was even a little older, and it would have caused huge issues with school admittance.

What they did was to start giving him some little responsibilities and calling them "man jobs." As it turned out, he responded to being mature enough to handle his man jobs, and he also knew that if he had a tantrum/melt down, the job would be given to someone else who could "act like a big boy." It worked. I can easily see it *not* working for some kids, but it sounds as if you're ready to give just about anything a try, yes? They often started by asking if he thought he was "big enough" to do... whatever the task was. And of course he always said yes... after a while (tough going for a little while at first, though) it hit him that he liked having "man jobs" and wanted to keep being given the responsibility.

I only have a one year old so I'm not at that point yet, but one of my girlfriends is dealing with this right now, and she's taking a similar approach to Mariposa.

Basically, she tells her son that he is in charge of his attitude and what it means to have a good attitude. If he is a good 'boss of his attitude' (not throwing tantrums, using his manners, being polite) then he gets grown up responsibilities like getting to choose what is for dinner and where everyone will sit at the table. My friend and her husband even ask their son if they can be excused when they're done - so I think it helps him feel like there are good consequences for good behaviour and also that he gets treated like a grown up if he acts like one. It's been working really well for them thus far!

These both sound like great ideas! I am going to start with these in the next week, and see if it will help him. He is so smart, sometimes too smart, and I hate when he gives up before he tries. Letting him think he is in control of certain things or chores may help not only him, but me as well. I just want him to start school in the summer, and not be getting a reserved seat in the principle's office.