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Having problem with my 8 year old hiding bad grades.

posted 8 years 4 months ago
So my 8 year old daughter is a straight A student, and has been since 1st grade. She has excellent behavior at school, and her teachers always speak very good things about her. She has a big sister who was just inducted into the Jr. Beta Club and she is also an A-B honor roll student. But just recently my 8 year old kept asking me, "Mom what would you do if I got an F on a test?". At this point the suspicion was low, so I just simply said I would have to see the test to determine what I would do. A couple days passed and she asks me the same question again...I gave the same response as before, and she adds, what did I do when her sister got an F on a test. At this point I am a little suspicious so I ask her "why, did you get an F or something?" She proceed to her book bag and pulls out a chewed up piece of paper (that has been balled up then straightened back out again) get this..... it has a note attached from her teacher that says how my child acted in a deceitful child threw the paper away in the trash, and when her teacher caught her doing this..she pretended to take the paper home and forged my initials on the if I saw it. To say the least I was so shocked and angry as I was reading this note. I have had to deal with this same scenario again just this passed week...AGAIN...why is she doing this..could it be pressure to be a straight A husband and I teach our kids to do the best they can. I don't think we pressure them at all. Could it be her pressuring herself..or is she competing with her sister. Any thoughts on this subject?

posted 8 years 4 months ago
I wasn't sure how to answer this, but I know what the first thing was that came to my mind. I don't have experience with it since my daughter is an only child... and my four younger siblings sure didn't feel a need to measure up to *MY* grades but the first thing that came to mind was that she may be trying to measure up to her big sister. Then you wondered the same, so I'll go out on a limb and throw it out there.

I think if she has that in mind all the time and something happened that she failed a test, she would be devastated and most likely terrified of what your reaction would be (and that would also explain why she asked twice how you'd feel about it.)

Now, I have to add that all that said, it doesn't really make sense that she'd try the same thing a second time, so not sure there... OH! Could it be that she's being bullied in school? For a lot of kids, that would be a high possibility and most likely explain some of what's going on with her?

posted 8 years 4 months ago
I would say if she is being deceitful and throwing away the test and forging your signature she doesn't want you to know about how she did. I think if you let her know that if she is trying her best that you would never be upset or angry at any marks she received. You say she has always been an A student so I would be more concerned about why she is doing so poorly now. What has changed? I'm a bit surprised her teacher hasn't contacted you. If a child is known to be an A student and suddenly her grades start to plummet it would sent off warning bells for her teacher. If things are fine at home then I would say something must be going on at school. Call the school and arrange a meeting with her teachers and principal. Good luck.

posted 8 years 4 months ago
I suppose it could be a possibility that she is trying to measure up to her sister, but we are talking about one test right? If I didn't misread things and that is the case, I would think it has nothing to do with her sister at all.

My son did the same thing when his grades started to fall off a little bit. He was always the straight A and B student. While I've always been fine with them doing the best they could, those higher grades were ALWAYS praised. When he'd get a poor grade on a test, he felt that we wouldn't be as proud of him. He was disappointed in himself and thought that we would be too.

You say that she asked you twice and you gave the same answer. In my opinion, she was worried about what your response would be if she was honest. She still doesn't know how you would react and hides it out of fear.

posted 8 years 4 months ago
It is so hard to decide why kids the things that they do. It could be that she is trying to live up to the example that her sister has set and that is a pretty high standard to live up to for one so young. If this is the first time that she failed a test, she may not be sure of what your reaction to the test could be. She may have made up a scenario in her mind about how she perceives that you would react even though her idea of your reaction and the actual reaction you would have had is entirely different. It might have been enough for her to be deceitful.

Maybe try talking to her and letting her know that it would have been better for her to be honest about it and that you wouldn't have been as mad about the grade as you are now. Let her know that you only expect that she try her best and did everything possible to not get that grade then it is okay and you will work on ways to improve the next test. Good luck.

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