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Dating as a single parent

posted 8 years 3 months ago
I've been a single mom since I was 18, so I never got to date normally. The kids were always first and foremost in my mind, and my standards are pretty high because of this. I have criteria for what I want, but also what my kids need. Some have told me to lower my standards, but I don't think they're unreachable. I've been single for 13 years, minus a few short term relationships that, if I'm being honest, I only entered into out of desperation. Are there any other single parents having this much difficulty finding someone?
And before anyone tells me to "stop looking", know that I take a very relaxed approach to this. I don't actively search out relationships, I just remain open to the possibilities.

posted 8 years 3 months ago
Sounds to me as if you have this very much under control, KCWooden! Keeping the needs of the kids in mind, too, is a vital part of the whole issue.

Oh, please don't ever lower your standards! I've found that when we "settle for less" it always (or at least 99% of the time hehe) ends up being a regret. You know what you need and you know what your children need. Lowering your standards in what you want in someone to start dating would be doing you *and* the kids a disservice.

I won't tell you to "stop looking" Very happy 'cause that would be silly... I'm forever an optimist, and I'd be terrified that the minute I'd stop looking, my soulmate would have missed me on the path and walked right by!

posted 8 years 3 months ago
Don't give up. I was 16 and then 18 when my oldest were born. Both fathers ditched me the moment these little ones were born. I don't regret my kids just my chose in men. I took the "lower your standards" path. I stayed single after my oldest son was born. I would go on dates while my kids were in bed and my parents watched them but it was always one or two dinners then I would find something that just didn't feel right and that was it.

I had a list. It wasn't a long one but the guy I wanted to be with had to meet 8 out of 10 on that list. And number 1 for me was trust.

It is tough but stick it out. Broaden where you are looking for this guy. I met mine online and he lived in Europe while I was stationed in the USA. I wasn't even expected us to work out but a friendship blossomed through Skype video chats and email. I was 23 when I married him. He meet 9 out of 10 on my list.

While it hasn't been easy, it was worth it. He and I have been married for 10 years as of October of 2015. Just don't give up hope. Think outside the box as to where to go to meet single people. Ask for help from friends and family.

posted 8 years 3 months ago
I can relate to being single because my children are first and foremost the most important thing in my life right now. I have been single ever since my oldest was born ten years ago. Sometimes it would be nice to have another person to be able to rely on and to have conversations with. My standards are high and the person would have to realize that my kids come first before them and they would have to accept that. I do not want to let my kids get close to someone and then our relationship would fall apart and then they would no longer be a part of kids' lives. They already have to deal with a father that doesn't come around or call them so I just want to protect them as well as myself. I figure if it happens good but if not I can live with that too.

posted 8 years 3 months ago
I am not in the same boat, but I just wanted to echo what Mariposa said - don't lower your standards! It frustrates me when people say things like lower your standards, because ultimately if there are things we really want or need in a potential partner and don't get them, then it's going to be rocky and tough anyway!

I think it's wonderful that you put your children and their needs first. Kudos to you - they're lucky to have you!

posted 8 years 3 months ago
I'm not entirely in the same boar either- although I have been a single mother since 16. Technically, I still am 5 years later. I haven't had whole lot of relationship experience since I had a child and I have, like you, just sat back and waited for the right guy. Don't lower your standards- no one deserves to settle just because it's easier in the short run. I had thought my "Mr. Perfect" was unrealistic, and really, he wasn't. Somehow life has a way of showing you what you really want and need when it's right.

posted 8 years 2 months ago
I admire single parents because it takes a strong mind and hard work to raise kids all by yourself. There is time for everything; you have raised your children, now learn to have fun. Don't feel too old or too busy to go on dates; make time and have fun, the right man will come to you.

posted 8 years 2 months ago
I am a single parent, and I have very high standards. Mainly because of the relationship I came from. I didn't use to think I deserved the best, and would settle. Which would not produce the best relationships. I think many single moms, or dads, are in a similar situation as you. It's not easy to find someone who is made for you. But eventually we will find that person that is perfect for us. It gets frustrating at times, but just keep thinking your worth it. Don't lower your standards. He is there, trying to find you too!

posted 8 years 2 months ago
I'm also throwing in my two cents to encourage you not to lower your standards. It's not that great guys are not out there but sometimes we build this protective wall or layer to protect ourselves and our children from all sorts that you just don't know much about yet. I'm a single dad with a 1 yr 7mth old beautiful baby girl. I have full interest in dating but I want to know also that my child is going to be happy and safe. My standards are somewhat high too but I believe whatever it is that you're looking for tends to be looking for you also.

posted 6 years 8 months ago
Hi KCWooden
I want to congratulate you for being a single mother for 13 years. It is such a long time that very few women can actually survive for that long. However, I have a few questions that I would be happy if you answered them. You say you have been a single mother since you were 18, does this mean that you conceived before you hit 18 years? Second how many children do you have? Third, I want to advise that you lower your standards. I suspect that the high standards you have set are making it difficult for you to achieve your goals. I am sure you are missing companionship even though you have categorically stated that you only got into relationships because of desperation. My bet is as good as yours that men like women who are flexible. Being rigid will not help you but will make things difficult for you. After all, what is the meaning of life if you cannot have a steady relationship? What benefits do you get by denying yourself the leisure of life just because you want to stick to principles which do not add value to life?

posted 6 years 7 months ago
It is possible to date as a single parent. I must recommend you for taking care of your kids for that long and committing to watching over them. While they matter a lot to you, you must not deny yourself the opportunity to have fun and enjoy every living moment with someone who will value you for who you are. There are men out there who are in such of women they can commit to. Just loosen yourself up and meet your prince charming. Besides, there is nothing wrong when you set high standards. When you don't set any, then you will fall for any individual. Including those who will only come to waste your time. You don't need such people in your life. Standards are fundamental especially when we are looking for a long-term relationship. I just hope you are looking for someone you will spend your life with. Your children also matter in the choices you make. Consider someone who will accept your children too. It may not matter, but it just makes how all of you relate naturally. Since you will not avoid being around each other. Go for it girl. You deserve the best.

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