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7 year old keeps lying been going on for months. help please

posted 1 decade 7 months ago
hi all. i am new here. really need advice at wits end with daughter.have tried everything and this is my last hope to get it sorted. looking for advice from parents if you have came across this and how you resolved the issue.

my daughter is 7years old she will lie and has been doing it for months now. she lies so that she does not get in to trouble. Like at school she has been copying boys and girls with saying words. (not mega bad swear words. but words that come across not nice.) so i wasnt harsh on her for the words it was the fact she lied.

a normal day she comes out of school tells me mummy i was good today. i say aw well done took her to softplay for a treat. few days later. i say is there anything u want to talk about i am calm. she tells me she lied the other day so that she wouldnt get in to trouble. she is constantly doing things we tell her not to do then lie about it.

I really dont no what to do now. so far

have told her i am more calm if you tell truth in first place because when i find out you lied i am more cross.

have taken things that she likes out her room. have banned her from seeing friends softplay cinema extra when she lies.

and again today she has just done the exact same. told me that she lied the other day so she wouldnt get in to trouble. its always to do with her copying words from kids at skool now i no all kids do this but its really to tackle the lies before it gets out of hand when she older.

like why not come out school for her to say mummy i copied this kid said this word then i cud say we dont say that n thats it. but she will just come out school say i was good. now i never no whats true and whats not.

help please....

posted 8 years 1 month ago
I have not come across this issue, but my daughter, who is 6...she has lied to me a few times and knows not to do it. Have you thought about reading to her about the boy who cried wolf and what happens when you lie? The main thing I would ask her is why she is so scared to get into trouble. I always try to tell my little one that if you lie to me and I find out about it that the consequences are going to be really severe where as if she just tells me the truth, we can work together as a team to see how we can fix the problem. I also make sure that every day and every night I remind my daughter that there is nothing in this world that she cannot tell me. I tell her all the time I am here for her and that I want to be the person she comes to when she needs anything. Whether it's boys, or just anything in general. Try talking with her and explaining that liars also can end up on the wrong side of the law. I don't ever hold back anything from my daughter. Yes, she is young and we should protect her innocence, but she knows what happens when you break the law. I would just talk to her and see how it can be corrected. Maybe have her talk to a counselor or something and see if they can't crack the code on her lying. I'm sorry I'm not the best of help on this subject. Good luck!

posted 8 years 1 month ago
I'm a little different in how I parent.. I don't punish. I see "bad behavior" as a struggle they're going through instead and so I'm here to help them through it, not make it tougher on them. Punishment will only lead to hiding the problem instead of trusting us enough to come to us when they may need it the most.

Right now, she's finding herself.. she's discovering that she isn't actually an extension of you, which is how most kids are until they can start branching off on their own little by little... she's testing the waters. And she IS telling you the truth.. but you're focused on the lies. Tell her how proud of her you are that she told the truth and you're so glad she did.. focus on that instead (better late than never.. she's showing you she still trusts you, so it's make or break from here). She's obviously struggling between the punishment/lying and wanting to fit in at school.. so right now, her admissions appear to be her seeking your mommy wisdom. Get out of your shoes completely and step into her's. Help her through it.

posted 8 years 1 month ago
The best you can do is talk her through it. My oldest also started lying to me recently about things, and to his teachers. It's not just if I ask him if he did something, but I can even tell him that we saw with our own eyes he did something and he keeps saying either that he didn't do something or that he doesn't remember. The best time to talk it through with your child is likely not when they are feeling pressured to tell the truth - the first time anyway - but find another time to sit down with them and explain to them the value of telling the truth and why it's not good not to.

For my son, I gave him examples of things he might do or be accused of that he might actually do, even on accident. And then something worse that he really would never do, and he knows is a really bad thing to do and told him if three or four times he does those not too bad things, and says he didn't but someone knows he did, then that fifth time when he gets accused of say hitting or stealing, then no one will believe him when he really didn't do it. It's a hard concept for kids to get immediately, because yes they are more scared about getting in trouble immediately than realizing the value of admitting they did something wrong (I'd have to also point out, that adults also have this same fault with a lot of things.)

You have to make sure that you assure your child they won't get in trouble for telling the truth. That you might be disappointed but that you'd be really angry if they did something and lied about it. (and you have to stick to that, especially in the beginning - which gets hard if the thing they did was hit their sibling or friend) But be sure, even IF they get in trouble for what they did but told the truth that while you scold them for what you did, you then after their time out or whatever, overly praise them for telling the truth. It's a work in progress, but hopefully you guys can establish a trust basis that will encourage truth.

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