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I don't know what to think, violent sex, help!

posted 1 decade 1 year ago
Hi, Iv been with my boyfriend now since I was 16, he is a lot older then me, 54 to be exact, anyway, he has always been so lovely, kind, caring and thoughtful. Everything about our relationship is amazing, from communication our social life, home life, sex life, everything.
I gave birth to his son 4 months ago and if anything he has showed me even more affection and love and is an amazing dad and helps a lot. We had sex for the first time since the birth of our baby last night, and during foreplay, whilst he was kissing my neck, he whispered that it would have to be a little different now that I'd given birth, because I would be a lot bigger down there. I felt embarrassed and slightly offended so I didn't say anything back, I was not imagining what was to follow. Basically it wasn't very nice, he said some really nasty things to me during sex and called me things, it was like he was someone else (he hadn't had a drink or anything) he hurt me and hand his hand around my throat squeezing it for the majority of the time.
After I got in the bathroom, locked the door and jumped in the bath, I started cRying, he Hurd and asked to talk with me, he explained that he wouldn't have been able to come if we had done it the normal way and that these things always change after a woman has had a baby! He said he still loved me and that he was hurt that I was so upset when he thought I loved him, I'm so confused, did I just over react, do all men do this after a baby? Help me understand please
Oh and he has been the same lovely man since but I'm scared to have sex again now,

posted 1 decade 1 year ago
I really think you need to make it clear how nasty he has been, how it is not the kind of sex that you want and that you WILL NOT do it like that again. This sounds like a totally different man than all the other things you say about him. He obviously wanted to be in control! If he is willing to leave it at that and never try it again fair enough but if he ever forces this on you or tells you you should be doing it I would get help or run a mile. Sorry but no that is NOT normal after a woman has had a baby and anyone who engages in this kind of sexual behaviour should be comfortable and happy to do it, otherwise it is abuse!

posted 8 years 10 months ago
You should never do or perform any act that you don't feel comfortable doing. I think your husband needs to see a psychiatrist if he can't control himself. It's definitely some kind of his hidden fantasy or desire that has suddenly come up after baby. So you should talk to him strictly and tell him you don't want this violent act ever.

posted 8 years 2 months ago
This is bad and I feel for you. Men are used to be dominant people and this comes out mostly during sex. If they are soft then they are really suppressing themselves. Which is my what most men do. If he gets rougher than usual you should tell him to relax. It is your body and he should respect that.

posted 8 years 2 months ago
I am so sorry that you have had to endure what no one should have to endure. This is not a normal reaction that your husband has had and has nothing to do with you just having a baby. You are not any bigger than you were to begin with. I think you need to seek help before this gets worse for you and the baby. He is taking advantage of you because you are young and a little naive. I hope you do not let him do this to you again and that you put your foot down with him and he is able to abide by your wishes. Never do anything that you are uncomfortable with. It is your body and he should respect that. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

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