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I need help with my relationship

posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi all

i have a problem and i really cant solve it it seems no matter how much i try.

my girlfriend and i have been seeing each other for 5 and a half years, we both live 100 miles apart, this is because of the job i do, she is still at university with two years to go. we are coming up to the first birthday of our son, ever since the birth of our son i have felt our relationship has drifted apart. since his birth my girlfriend doesnt seem to want to touch or kiss me or have sex with me i understood that this would probably happen because its a given after childbirth, but for it to still be like this after a year still puzzles me, i try to talk to her about it but she always tells me that she doesnt like talking about it so i cant make any progress, i do get kisses and cuddles but only if i ask for them and even then they are only brief cuddles or a small peck on the cheek. we have only had sex once in the year, whenever she gets into bed there is no cuddling or kissing she just gets in and turns her back to me. it feels like she has no interest in me at all she says she still loves me but i just dont get that message or feeling from her. we never get to spend any time alone together as her mother is always there when i visit at weekends and i dont like to talk about these issues with her mum there, an we cant talk during the week because she ignores my texts and whenever i ring her she says i havnt got time to talk. i really dont know what to do, i keep trying my best to get this relationship to work but everything i try just meets a dead end and it is really affecting my confidence and my work, i dont get alot of sleep through stressing out over the situation, i sometimes end up crying over the little support i get from my partner and it embarrises me to do it because im a man and men dont do that, all i ever seem to get is attitude and anger

any help would be greatly appretiated my girlfriend wont talk to me so i cant get any help from a female point of view on the situatuation please help i dont want to have a child who has parents that are seperated

posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi. I guess there are several questions that need to be asked here so as to establish a way of working on things.
1.Is your girlfriend still 'in love' with you?
2.Is your girlfriend suffering from any Post-Natal depression?
3.Is your girlfriend suffering from general depression or stress? Because having a young child AND being at University is alot to cope with!!
4.Is the long distance causing an emotional detachment in your relationship? Because she may feel as if she is bringing up your child alone in a sense if you are absent through work commitments.
5.Are you both willing to address the issues openly and try to resolve things to get back on track? It has to be a two way street!

You may as well go for broke, lay it all out there and don't be afraid because you can't really make things any worse. Talk about where you're headed. Even if things are difficult with the distance between you maybe you could set some goals as a couple for how you'd like things to be in 6 months time, 2 years time, etc. Maybe search for ways of shortening the distance. I realise work and University are big commitments but surely you can't expect to live forever this way if you want to raise your child together so there must be in your head a future solution.
I hope you can get back on track.

posted 6 years 9 months ago
Have you considered moving in with her? Long distance relationships are not easy to maintain thus calling for a lot of sacrifice. At this point I think its either your job or her.

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