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Confused and Worried - Will I Love My Child?

posted 1 decade 4 years ago
I hope someone can help, maybe someone who has been in a similar situation.

My wife and I (both 30) have recently begun discussing starting a family. Until now we have both been quite adamant that we didn't want a family. However, feelings have changed and we have realised that we don't want the materialistic things that we once did. We want something more fulfilling.

Our discussions led to us agreeing that it would be sensible for me to be a stay at home dad after my wife's maternity leave, as she has higher earning potential and is more career driven than I am. I personally love the idea of running the home (I know it's not easy going).

However, something is holding me back from getting excited. I am absolutely terrified that I won't have feelings for our child. I am a caring person, very patient, love the idea of teaching and explaining things, but, when I am around children, I feel absolutely nothing (other than dread and panic). My brother and sister in law recently had a baby and everyone else is cooing and falling in love with him and I have no feelings for him whatsoever. Sure, hes funny to watch but I don't want to hold him or feed him like everyone else does.

I feel like I'm letting my wife down and depriving her of something she clearly so dearly wants. I don't know what I want.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

posted 1 decade 4 years ago
My brother in-laws would not be particularly fussed about our children and my hubby the same back to their children but they each love their own very much. It's a totally different thing with your own baby, when you are there right from the moment that pregnancy test says 'positive' through all the stages of pregnancy-scans, morning sickness,growing bump and feeling your baby move inside your wifes tummy etc; to the birth and bringing up your child.
I'd say your fears only demonstrate how deeply and seriously you are taking this decision and there is never a PERFECT time for a child, you just roll with it as each new stage comes along. And honestly when I was pregnant with my third I was worried my hubby would not have a great relationship with our baby as he'd wanted to stop at 2 and really only had number 3 to please me. However when bubba number 3 was born my hubby bonded with him instantly and even he himself says he felt a quicker strong bond with him than the other two which surprised him!
I'm sure you will find it doesn't take effort to love your baby, you just will love your baby.

posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Thanks for the reply. I have come to pretty much the same conclusion after speaking to a few other people.

I have to say I'm now getting quite excited at the prospect :-)

Thanks again and you never know, in a few months there may be more questions!

posted 1 decade 3 years ago
It will be totally different when you have your own baby. I wouldn't worry about your feelings now because I am pretty sure you will be elated once your own little one is here! Enjoy!
Very happy

Kind Regards

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