Is this a poor bedtime routine?

I have a 2.5 year old Son and am separated from his Mother.

In the the summer I hope my Son will be coming to stay with me and his paternal grandparents, however I am concerned about his current bedtime routine, which may cause us problems.

He will only go to sleep if his Mother lies with him in her double bed. Once asleep she then puts him into his own single bed. However when he awakes early in the morning, perhaps at 6am, he immediately wants to return to her in the double bed, and throws a tantrum if refused.

Therefore he is actually being tricked into believing he always sleeps with his Mother. This was the same when he was, until recently, in his cot. He has never got used to the idea of going to sleep in his own bed.

I'm sure you will agree this is not a good routine? and unless it changes in the meantime, we will need to copy the same routine when he comes to stay with us.

Any advice please?

I think it is a bad routine (but just my opinion) I also know how hard it can be to get your child to sleep on ther own and as a single parent- you do what is easiest for you (well I do!!!) Some of our parents on here believe in co-sleeping s their advice will be different

I think you should try talking to your ex and sorting something thing. I like supernanny's method of the rapid return (Put them in their own bed and say night night......(child's name) then if they get out of bed the 2nd time you return them saying only night night and then the third time onwards there is no conversation at all. You can do the same if they get out of bed in the middle of the night (or early morning) it is hard to begin with but it quickly pays off.

You should also have a set bedtime routine rior to being put to bed. This helps them learn what is going to come next and they can prepare themselves for it.

6.30-6.45 bathtime
6.45-7.00 story and cuddle on the sofa (glass of mile if you do that kind of thing)
7.00 Bed time.


Hope your son comes to stay in the summer.

And welcome to JP.

He knows he isn't spending the night with his mum, just as if you fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed, you don't think you've slept on the sofa all night.

While you are both his parents ultimately his mum has the final decision on how she wishes to raise him as she is the one who spends the most time with him. While you may think it is an inconvenience for her to stay with him until he falls asleep, she clearly doesn't.
If you want to change his bedtime routine you need to do it with his mums permission, otherwise you may anger her, or your son may dislike spending the night at your house if he is left alone in bed.

We do similar, our daughter is a similar age to your son, all our babies sleep with us, however we always put them to bed awake, so while they spend most of the night with us they are accustomed to going to sleep alone, we don't leave them if the cry, but we don't pick them up, we would rub their back etc. Now Pip does sleep in her own bed, but when he wants to she is more than welcome to come into our bed, which she normally does.

my son turned 3 in January and not so long ago had to do a similar routine with him. Mainly because, even though he went to sleep in his own bed (if i stayed with him until he fell asleep), he would wake up and come through to my bed at 2, 3, or 4am .and disrupt my sleep to the point where I was exhausted so i just started puting him in my bed in the first place, so as not to be disrupted later (I am also a single parent) As he has gotten older he has realised that if I say to him this is your bed, you need to stay here because mummy will be angry, your a big boy now etc,he needs to do it. and in the last few weeks he has been sleeping in his own bed all night. For me I tried every Supernanny technique I came across and nothing seemed to work especially since his Dad only had him one night a fortnight and was happy to lie with him till he fell asleep, undoing anything I tried to start (these 'techniques' are only workable if both parents are fully committed). So possibly you could use this holiday to make him understand that Big boys don't sleep in their Mummys beds etc and maybe discuss it with his Mum when you take him home, but there is definitly no easy answer when parents are seperated. You never know, the summer is a long way away, the situation might be different by then x