Hi my name is Glen and i have been a part of a pretty abusive relationship for ten years + and i'm desperate for either some advice or atleast some support.
I'm in awkward situation as i have no family of my own, other than my children so don't really have anybody to speak to.
I'm also a sufferer of Bipolar, Post Traumatic stress disorder and OCD, which obviously makes things harder for my partner.
I'm going to start from the biggining since i have decided to share my feelings, so please bare with me.
It started off when i was 16 i met a girl in a nightclub..who was of the same age, i came from a abusive family, mentally, phsically and sexually...a group of alcoholics, i
honestly thought at the time she was my salvation...she was lovley to me but very bitchy and agressive to people who knew me, but i was very naive and blind..a few months after
knowing her i was engaged and moved in with her after a agressive dispute with my parents.
I moved in to her grandmothers place who didnt approve of my background/family name and we soon found ourselves in a bed sit (shared hosue typed thing...basicaly a room with a
bed and a sink) my partner of the times agression became more apparant...she would consitently assault people every time we would go out for a drink...she to had a tough
upbringing...things got pretty bad, to the point where me, my partner of the time and my friend thought we had killed somebody in a drink fueld assault.
Long story short she shortly became preganant...things went downhill from here, because of her obvious hormones due to the pregnancy..the focus of her agression turned to
me...this continued for around 18 months...long after my first son was born.
She assaulted one of my friends to which he responded, she quickly contacted the police and he was put in prison, to which his family where very upset and we were moved under
police protection to a near by town.
After a very short time it got to the point where she would assault me for disobeying her on a regualr basis (with objects such as stilleto shoes...her fists,kicks etc)...as a
18 year old boy i wanted to have a beer with friends once a week...to which she was very angry and would lash out with punches and kicks, to which eventually i responded on a
couple of occasions by pushing her over, slapping her on the back of the head and kicking her...none of which i am proud of.
After a little while we could no longer tolerate eachother...i found out through her mother that she was also having a sexual relationship with another lad (who she went on to
marry, cheat on , beat up, get aressted and divorce)...while my son was still under a year old so i went activley seeking somebody else...i had no family to go home to, lost and
confused i met my current partner at a house party...at teh time i was desperate to meet anybody and she seemed lovley...sadly despite my advances she prefered my 14 year old
friend and ended up doing thigns with him so i forgot about her.
A few weeks later, after meeting her a few times (she worked as a civil servant in my local job centre) and my partner had dissappeared off to another town to meet this 'lad' i
decided to go round to hers for a drink....she was very forward and sexual towards me from the moment i entered her flat...and gave me all the attention i wanted...one thing
lead to another and we started a affair.
After a few weeks My partner got wind of this...attacked us both and made me leave (along with smashing a light bulb in my face, hitting me with a shoe and chucking a deep fat
fryer full of chip fat all over me and my new partners flat...while my 1 year old son stood back and watched)
My 'partner' moved to our old town and eventually got married to her new man...i stayed in the new town with my new 'love'
Obviously at the time, i didn't know alot about my new partner other than she was very attractive and seeme'd to be very bubbley and fun, i did start to notice after a few days
she was very argumentative and after only a week max we were into big arguments...she would never admit to any wrong doing in anything, very hateful and disrespectful and would
constantly accuse me of going to the old town and sleeping with my ex despite the fact i never left the town we were in.
After a few weeks i made a comment..i said 'your not perfect you know...why are you always right' to which she asked me to leave..and gave me a very nice slap around the
face...this is my first memory of what my doctors call bipolar...i blacked out for a second, i went outside and remmember nothing...my partner syas i attacked her fence/gate and
cried and cried...still to this day ten years on i remmember nothing.
She took me back, and this is where the drugs and the cheating began, i got myself a job at the local meat factory..every day i would come home and find my partner stoned on
cannibis 'shotties' eating everything in sight and laying passed out on the floor..be it the kitchen, front room, anywhere...she would go out every night of the week...kissing
men, flirting and getting drinks and even kissed and made a attempt to have sex with her friends/drug buddys brother who was a convicted paedophile/rapist.
She would have one of her exs stay over for weeks at a time...a ex who would literally crap himself and she would take into the shower and wash him down...then have sex with
him...to which she would freely admit and beg me for orgys/group sex/three somes.
She then told me she had invited another ex over and that i had to leave for atleast 6 hours...worried...i asked her if she was goign to have sex with him...to which she replied
'most probably'...i did as i was told...i went to the pub and came back 6 hours later to find him on the sofa staring at me agressivly before leaving...she went on to tell me
that she didnt have sexual intercourse with this man but she took her clothes off to her underwear and let him masterbate all over her.
The following week she went on to snog her best friends husband and to grab him sexually infront of me whilst on a night out...a man 20 years older than myself...and as a
teenager i could not compete...to which she told me....to which of course he was extremley happy about and smug...and used to a bate me with reguarly up until last year..where i
became quite agressive/violent with him over facebook.
A day later...i wake up in the morning...i had quit my job...my partner was at work and i found a african male up the lampost outside the flat staring at me through the
window...i quickly opened the window and pushed him about 15 foot to the ground...i ran down stairs where he begged me not to hurt him or his friends that where watching
below...He explained to me he had my partners phone number and she had offered him and his friends around to 'gang bang' her...i walked away from him and carried on.
Again...as much of a mug as i was...i had nowhere to go...i was uknowingly very poorly and didnt have the strength to move on, on my own.
The following week i started to notice something from my partner that seemed to come across as caring...she started to get jealous!...she started accusing me of wanting to have
sex with her drug buddy...to which of course i had no interest and was desperate for some attention from my current partner....as nasty as she got..i took it...with a smile and
started to believe she cared about me.
Her drug buddy soon dissappeared off the scene...gettign settled down herself...and my partner was left without friends...my ex partner had caused so much trouble at my partners
work that she was asked to quit her job...so she applied for a job in another town...her application was accepted...and we soon moved to another town...we had to do a 'midnight
flit' because of the mess made previously from the 'ex' attacking me with cookign oil!
We moved to the third town and things had changed alot...we had no sex life at all...but my partner had over night become extremley jealous...and nasty with it.
She would accuse me of sleeping with every girl that walked past the window and she banned me from watching television because she was worried i would like to have sex with
celebritys....And she would lock me in the flat for days to stop me going out and cheating on her...even when she was at work.
She at one night caught me watching 'Ibiza uncovered' (a program about night clubbers in spain) and she decided as revenge to take her clothes off and run down the road
screaming at cars for male attantion...along with striking me...with a elbow breakign my rib and forcing me to have to be emitted to hospital....she also explained to me that if
she ever caught me watchign television again she would make me leave and i would have nothing....and that i also could never get anybody else because nobody else would look
twice at me and i should feel privilidged that she does.
So i get a new job...things are getting better...i'm doing as i am told and i get a phone call at work to which she explained to me she is pregnant....now i havnt mentioend
previously but she did tell me because of sexual diseases she had had in the past and had removed...her womb was screwed and was told by the hospital/doctors she could not have
This of course left me very worried and in a tough position...i had a bad experience before that left me without regular acsess to my son and i didnt want to be in this position
again...but being supportive i went along with it anyway.
During the pregnancy the jealousy intensified...she would bring female friends around to the house and scream at me for having sex with them...be it her mother..her
sister...anybody...sometiems violently...i however had learnt my lesson previosuly and never struck her back.
She went on to suffer preclampsia toximia and she bloated up from a size 8 to a size 18...i still however loved her the same and took care of her...bathing her...cooking for her
when asked etc....and taking stupid amounts of abuse.
Eventually my daughter was born...things seemed great afterwards...if not a little stressful as babys can make things...the jealousy remaind however...and without thinking i
made her immediatly pregnant again...things carried on the same..however the birth was not as bad this time...and i now had a second daughter for my third child.
This is where the jealousy had peeked...i wasnt great at keeping jobs...i had a underlying illness and was makign lots of mistakes...however everytime i would get a job, she
would make me quit if i was working with any other women....one time i worked at a factory and there was multiple women there making sexual remarks at me...i got scared and rang
and told her immediatley...to which she ordered me to quit immediatley or lose her and my children...of course i did...however i was in the position of walking 40 miles home...i
walked atleast 25 of them miles..it took me a very long time..o na hot summers day and i started to hitch hike....my partner had a car but refused to pick me up...i started to
hitch hike...i got picked up by a man, who drove me ten miles down the moterway before pulling a large knife on me and attempted to rape me...i in turn assaulted him pretty
nastily leaving him near in a coma and found myself on the front page of the local newspapers...no charges where brought on me because of the seriousness of the assault attempt.
Time went on...i was walking in and out of jobs...comeing home to a women who demanded money from me...she woudl take my wallet and phone and keep them in her bag at all
times...she would sit all day watchign chat shows and eating crisps...takign all of my money from me and spendign it on herself...i was stuck wearing the same clothes from the
age of 18 to 24...totally unfashionable...whilst she became increasinly fat...aroudn the size 18-20...with new clothes and perfumes and eating her self stupid whiel watchign
chat shows while i went to work for her and my children.
I got a new job as a Security guard in a local supermarket...alot of women took a instant liking to me, i kept it a secret from my partner because of her jealous rages...and i
began to gain confidence, i would have to walk home everyday...my partner used my money to pass her own driving lessons for shopping trips and family visits but refused to pay
for my own for me...at one point i got lost on the way home and it took me 3 hours to walk home...despite me ringing her to pick me up...she refused and i ended up having to
jump a river to get home...i got in at 1am in the morning instead of 10pm covered in mud...to which of course she accused me of sleeping with another woman.
My confidence continued to grow..i smartened myself up a bit...got my hair cut and started to take care of myself with weights and excersize... my partner still took no notice,
i eventually got into a row with one of the managers and got asked to leave...i moved on to another supermarket...where i met a young girl who i could confide in...she listened
to me..made me feel good, she suggested i leave my partner and start a new life on my own and learn from my mistakes....my partner by this time became a little more leniant and
started to let me have nights out with work friends...one night i didnt go home..i got very drunk...had some cannabis (not somthing i normally do but sucumbed to peer pressure)
with friends and fell asleep...at 6am i ran home realising what i had done...by then she had pretty much packed my bags ready for me to leave...she told my 2 girls that i didnt
love them anymore and that i was leaving them for another woman...which of course i wasent.
I went straight to this girls house...who was my friend and nothing more...she put me up for a night then spoke to her neighbour next door who had some bed sits with
vacancys...the girl helped me pay my deposit and i moved in the following day....my partner at this time believed i was having sex with this girl and would refuse to speak to
After a week of living in this bedsit alone..my partner had no interest in me whatsoever anymore and this girl from my workplace introduced me to a friend of hers...i began
seeign this girl for a few weeks....which drove my ex girlfriend up the wall to the point where she came in my house..assaulted the girl and cut my arms open with a set of car
keys...to the point where i dumped the new girl and eventually moved back in with my partner.
We went on hioliday and everything seemed very good...i then got her preganant again..i was very happy about it but very wary...i continued to work and support my family...i
kept this job for around 4-5 years and was really moving forward with my life....after my son was born (my forth child)...things were great...until i got a phone call from my
...This brought back alot of bad memorys for me and i began to turn into a mess...i got signed off by the doctor, diagnosed with bipolar and a few other illness's and this
became to much for my partner.....the drugs the doctor gave me would make me very weak to the point where i would pass out on the bed and my partner would go down stairs and
have cyber sex with men on facebook...i came down stairs one night to get a ciggarette to find my parnter writing dirty stuff to another man....i went crazy...she had told him
she wanted to meet him in a hotel and leave me with my new born son....i kicked in the walls...threw things around and i then proceeded to grab a kitchen knife and drive it into
my wrist...causing it to bleed pretty badly......my partner rang the police on me and they came in with guns and riot shields...she had told them i was weilding a knife...they
handcuffed me...zip tied my legs...hit and kicked me a few times...threw me in the back of the van and put me in the cells over night...they made me see a phyciatrist while i
was there in a probable attempt to get me sectioned then charged me with affray because i scared my partner and her friend with what i did to myself.
I went home when i was released 24 hours later with my head down and continued to recieve sustained abuse for another 5-6 months to the point where i began chatting romantically
to another lady on facebook who also came from a abusive relationship.
I began to meet this lady in private...romantically...even for a little attention...i really began to like her...she wasnt agressive or dominating like my previous two partners
and i enjoyed her company...eventually i was caught....and and of course my partner again went crazy and told everybody i knew....to the point where nobody i know or ever knew
will speak to me and to the point where i ma getting regular phone calls from both my mother and my partners family telling me how badly i treated my partner and how i am not
worthy to live....she also told them lies that i had slept with a different woman every week and had assaulted her daily and my children...to which these people started to hate
me very much...she also told these people i could not keep a job and that i was lying about my mental illness.
i had just had a phone call from her sister tonight telling lots of abusive things.
And now im here...writing this...lost...confused and in need of good advice on where to go from here in my life.
This may sound bitter but both my current partners mother and brothers have had almost identical relationships with other people...but more violent again...some leading to
stabbings and bad beatings....but as far as i know and have seen with my own eyes...her mother, true father, and 3 brothers are all regular relationship cheats and very
agressive/violent with there partners and the children are avid drug users...to which is funded by there mother..i'm not sure about her sister...she is very agressive to her
Husband (to which she has shared with her sister....my partner...sexually...when my partner was just 14 and her husband was in his late 20's/early 30's) and to others she doent
like...ie: me....she likes to start fights with people..just for the sake of it and brags how she enjoys upsetting people and being opinionated.
Again i don't mean to sound bitter...but my mind is like a whirlpool...and i am...yes...bitter i suppose.
My Children see nothing of these issues and are very well cared for, despite the way this 10-11 year recap must sound...of course there has been good times to, but sadly the
negativitys with my partner far out weigh the poitivitys.
Long story...advice is much appreciated
posted 1 decade 1 year ago
posted 1 decade 1 year ago
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