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before sex; please help me

posted 1 decade 5 years ago
Right, I have a problem that has been going on for years and I have tried various ways of communicating the problem to my wife, but the problem still continues.

What happens is that just before sex there always seems to be a moment when my wife finds a way to mock and/or humiliate me.

It is the timing that really gets to me. Though some people have the problem of their spouse not engaging in sex, this is not my problem.

Let me explain. Recently, my wife offered to give me fellatio after which we'd have sex. However, just as we were preparing to go forward with our plan, she saw that my fly was already down. At this point I was already quite looking forward to the evening, so all I did was stutter a bit when she told me that she discovered my open fly (not in a sensual manner, but in a "oh, you forgot to zip your fly again" manner). When I was lost for words in anticipation of our night together, she made a retarded voice and mocked my stammering because frankly I had no response to her criticism that I had left my fly open by accident.

I overlooked this and chalked it up to a misunderstanding, but soon after when she was about to go down on me, I made an "ooooo" noise, and she looked up at me, made the retarded voice again and mocked the sound I just made, which immediately and effectively ruined the moment, you know that moment where you surrender yourself to the upcoming pleasure and love that you are about to feel.

Immediately after making the retarded voice, she started giving me oral sex, but all I could think about was the shame I felt in having been mocked.

Okay, I know I might not be expressing this very well, and I am not perfect, but the point is that on numerous occasions I have had to overcome my anger and shame in order to just move forward, i.e. maintain an erection as opposed to confronting her over a humiliation that frankly makes it hard to perform. But I overcome my feelings, think happy thoughts and try to enjoy the sex as much as possible because like all humans I am a sexual creature and know that if I confronted her over this, we would have a fight, and we certainly would not have sex.

I know this because I have tried to confront her and all that happens is that she responds with the following: "why don't you write down all the things I do wrong and then give me the list." This statement is of course said with biting sarcasm, which further frustrates me as it is not my intention to tell her all of her faults, only that I don't like to be mocked. In short, when I say to her that something she has done makes me feel shame, she takes it personally and lets me know that she feels I have wronged her for bringing up a grievance.

Please help. This is the first time I have ever reached out to others in a public forum over my marriage issues.


posted 1 decade 5 years ago
- My blog
Well In my opinion I would most certainly confront her about it, even if it is at the time of sex. I would say if you are going to make fun of me while I am enjoying this then you will not have me. My hubby said something to me one time when I made a comment to him during was pretty well bad, he made fun of me and the noise I made and well I never opened up like that again, now i am very reserved with him and that was 8 years ago. i feel kind of cheated in a way because I cannot open up fully with him, he even said sorry and explained to me why but it is not the same.

Talk to her and if she gets mad etc then just don't give her sex because of it, see how she handles it when you refuse. You have to talk to her, it's important Smile

posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Oh no what a horrid way to have the moment distrode. I also would confrunt your wife an dhave it our with her. I know if my hubbie ever did this to me I would have it out with him. You need to be able to fully enjoy sex and the moment of oneness to feel fully satisfied after the event.

posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Talk to her and go explain everything to her.

posted 1 decade 4 years ago
The best way to do this is to talk to your wife because the momentum of your possible happiest moment is turning into a bit odd.

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