Join JustParents for free to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join JustParents

Staying the night..

wannabemum89wannabemum89
posted 9 years 8 months ago
Hey Ladies,

I really need some advice about my boyfriend, what it is..Is we've been together now for a month, a few weeks ago he drove at half 12 in the morning back from work and stopped in to ask my mum if i could stay the night at his house, she seemed fine with it until she asked him where i would sleep and then when he said in my bed with me thats when it all kicked off and she went into her weird lecture mood..embarassing.

I know im 19 and im suppost to be in control of what i want to do, but it seems shes always trying to defend me and stuff and im getting really tired of not having as much freedom as my brother does, he's 22 and stays out nearly all night comes in at stupid hours and doesn't get shouted out, but if i come in late i get all the havoc..Its so annoying.

I just want to be able to say to my mum, im staying out, dont wait up without getting into a massive lecture with her about something stupid..

But how can i break it to her gently that im 19 and should be able to have freedom?.

Anything is appreciated..Thanks for listening to my babble LOL Shrug


SamuelSamuel
posted 9 years 8 months ago
I personally would't allow a girlfriend/boyfriend to stay in our house over night after a month even with seperate bedrooms.

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 8 months ago

Samuel said:
I personally would't allow a girlfriend/boyfriend to stay in our house over night after a month even with seperate bedrooms.


Neither would I. Im quite a fuddy duddy and think I would only allow Joseph to have a girlfriend to stay over(in the same room) if they were in a long term Serios relationship, Even to stay in seperate rooms they would have to be together for a lot longer than a month.

SamuelSamuel
posted 9 years 8 months ago
Plus wannabemum89, you are treated differently to your brother as he is 22 and you are 19, parents home, parents rules.

ellee1984ellee1984
posted 9 years 8 months ago
how long had you and him been dating when you asked to stay at his house? you said you've been together a month and a few weeks ago he asked if you could stay at his thats giving me the impression that you had only been together a matter of days or maybe a week.

i didnt ask my parents when i was your age if i could stay at my BF's at the time house until him and i had been going out over 2 months.

this guy has to earn your mums trust and you have to prove that you are responsible and mature and not act like a child if she says no as that will make her think that she has made the right the decision. i think your best bet would be to calmly in an adult way sit down and ask her the reasons why she said no and what you and him could do to prove that you could be trusted and maybe once youve proved that the 2 of you are trustworthy and serious about each other she will agree.

you have to act maturely like an adult about this and not just say to your mum its your life and you'll do what you like cos she's the one whos gotta pick up the pieces everytime things go wrong.

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 9 years 8 months ago
Hey hun, I have to say i think ellee has it pretty much spot on, on this one. However unfair you feel your parents are being, the more you try snd push them the harder they are going to put their foot down! I do think a month isn't a particularly long time to have been together to be spending the night at each others houses, and i do understand your mothers point of view. I think you have to prove yourselves to her and accept her opinion and rules for now. I think your boyfriend has been pretty mature about the whole thing by asking her in the first place though. At least she knows you aren't going behind her back! I have to admit, i probably have a very different view to a few of the members on here. I personally think that by saying 'NO, you can't spend the night together' that you end up making it such a big deal that you end up pushing them even closer together and more desperate to stay together, wherever they are. Personally i would rather my daughter were under my roof with her boyfriend where i can keep an eye on them and know they are safe than worry they are doing it somewhere unsafe and maybe getting into trouble? At least i think that is how i will feel, as my daughter is only 3 so i have a way to go before that stage! LOL. However, as i have already said, unfortunately you are living under your mums roof and should obey by her rules. So, like Ellee said, try sitting her down and having an adult conversation with her about why she is worried about you staying with him and what she is worried may happen if she lets you? Good luck hun. Xx Hug

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 9 years 8 months ago
I agree with the point that if you've been together a month and you're saying he wanted you to stay over a few weeks ago that must have been as soon as yu were together??? Which is abit fast BUT...
Ok now I'll say something different to the others and have them all thinking I'm saying something wrong Tell Off At 19 I don't see you staying at your boyfriend's as a problem if he's a serious boyfriend. It's better he has come to your house, been honest with your mum and she knows the situation. I think people being too strict and controlling with their children results in them A-going out and doing it anyway, but behind their parents back and B-causes a defiant attitude in the child; and the thing is that at 19 you are NOt a child any more. You will have sex if you want to even if you don't stay at his house, you'll just find another way/time. Staying at his house could be about you just being with him; and I can say hand on heart that at 18 I spent the night at my then boyfriend's in is bed and did NOT have sex, and keep in my that he was older too and still didn't pressure me. That man is now my husband and childen's dad and we've been together over 9 years.

Maybe you could ask if he can stay at your house Shrug Tell your mum she can get to know him and that her trying to control you wont change anything that does or doesn't go on in your relationship. As long as he is a decent lad; and even if he isn't you are old enough to learn from your own experiences. Just make sure if you're having sex you use protection because a month into a relationship IS NOT the time to start a family!

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 9 years 8 months ago

GTTkel said:
I agree with the point that if you've been together a month and you're saying he wanted you to stay over a few weeks ago that must have been as soon as yu were together??? Which is abit fast BUT...
Ok now I'll say something different to the others and have them all thinking I'm saying something wrong Tell Off At 19 I don't see you staying at your boyfriend's as a problem if he's a serious boyfriend. It's better he has come to your house, been honest with your mum and she knows the situation. I think people being too strict and controlling with their children results in them A-going out and doing it anyway, but behind their parents back and B-causes a defiant attitude in the child; and the thing is that at 19 you are NOt a child any more. You will have sex if you want to even if you don't stay at his house, you'll just find another way/time. Staying at his house could be about you just being with him; and I can say hand on heart that at 18 I spent the night at my then boyfriend's in is bed and did NOT have sex, and keep in my that he was older too and still didn't pressure me. That man is now my husband and childen's dad and we've been together over 9 years.

Maybe you could ask if he can stay at your house Shrug Tell your mum she can get to know him and that her trying to control you wont change anything that does or doesn't go on in your relationship. As long as he is a decent lad; and even if he isn't you are old enough to learn from your own experiences. Just make sure if you're having sex you use protection because a month into a relationship IS NOT the time to start a family!


I completely agree hun. Thumbs Up
That is what i meant when talking about staying together under my roof. If you put your foot down too hard you are going to end up forcing them to go somewhere else. I also believe at 19 (as long as careful) you are old enough to make a decision on whether you want to sleep together or not. It's just as you are under your mums roof i feel you need to make her understand your point of view rather than just going behind her back anyway. Like Kelly said though, 1mth is definitely NOT the time to start a family, so being safe is the most important thing! Xx

wannabemum89wannabemum89
posted 9 years 8 months ago
Thanks you guys, its alright im on the pill anyway and we're usually really careful so they'll be no little feet just yet (Unfortunately) LOL.

devildarkdevildark
posted 9 years 8 months ago
i agree whit ellee1984 Clapping

Black-WiddowBlack-Widdow
posted 9 years 7 months ago
Thing is??? Why would he need to ask your Mum's permission in the first place? Why would you? You're right. You're 19 and you can do what you like without needing to explain everything to your Mum. After a certain age you need your privacy and space or you need to get a house of your own where you can make your own rules without being bothered. That's what I had to do.

lawlietlawliet
posted 8 years 11 months ago
I think black widow is correct you’re on the right/legal age. You can do whatever you want. Do you still ask for your parents support I mean financially?

Join JustParents for free to reply

Search forums

Latest Reviews