crying with dad

hi all. can someone help with this please?

I am John married to Sula for three years and very happy together. 21 weeks ago today we had the most gorgeous baby girl ever, Heidi. Everything is ok but for one thing. Heidi cries a lot when she's with me but when she's with Sula she never cries. Even when Heidi is with me i can see her looking for Sula because she wants to be with her. It's become quite off putting to see my daughter cry when she's with me and i don't know if this is normal or not. it's like she has bonded with Sula but not at all with me. Help !!!!

Hi John

From one dad to another don't take it too much to heart. I know its easier said than done, but don't forget there is always an extra special bond between mother and child at such a young age. Believe as little girls get older the dad becomes the one that they want to be with, and you won't get any peace at all.

Just try to bear with it. Sorry can't offer much else!

You need to spend more time with her, as shes spending more time with her mum its totally normal that she wants to be with her more. Out of us too I get to spend less time with the children so when I'm home I'm the only one on baby duty, maybe you could try that?

thanks orc30 much appreciated. looking forward so much to when Heidi wants to actually be with me, she is so gorgeous and huggable.

hi samuel, i do spend time with the baby but when i do, after a short while i can see her looking for mum and that's what hurts just a little. maybe it is normal after all - i really don't know.......

It is quite normal. My husband felt the same way. Our little one does tend to look for me and cries more if I'm in the room too. However, Mike just persevered with it and when he's with her, I go off and do other things around the house and she settles down with him.

I'm also 'dinner' to her so she smells that and searches for me. Mike isn't so he spends more time talking to her and playing with her. I also express so he can feed her sometimes too and now, 7 weeks in, he can often relax her easier than I can

The more you handle your baby, the better Keep on going - it will be fine.

My eldest daughter is a total daddy's girl so I don't think you have any worries

ok im going to flip the tables completely but when my daughter was born she didnt want to come to me she used to scream and scream if i tried to comfort her yet would comfort for her dad immediately. i had pnd i think babies can pick up on the fact if your not relaxed with them and sometimes they get comforted by one parents smell cos thats what they go on when they so young.

i used to have to wear her dads tops sometimes not saying where your partners clothes but if you have a top she worn maybe drapped over your shoulder she maybe more comforted cos she can smell her mum too and start to relax with you.

Hi there

As has been said hun, perseverance is the key. Both mine would settle better with me when they were little but Lolly is such a daddy's girl now and doesn't want to know. Jake is a real mummy's boy but Mike has been persevering with him and is getting there nicely now Jake is starting to settle with him and even fell asleep on him the other night Jake tends to be more wary around men in general for some reason? Still we are getting there, and Mike is starting to feel less of a spare part with him. You will get there hun, practise makes perfect! Xx

thank you so much everyone for your replies, i really wasn't expecting so much help first hand. i am taking everything every single person has advised - thanks so much again...john

I actually experienced the same as Ellee, charlotte would instantly settle for her dad, but not for me. I just found keeping calm and relaxed helped. When my husband had been with her all day, and he became a little ragged we would find, because I was calm when I settled her, it seemed to work.

I think Ellee's advice to have a piece of your partners clothing is a good idea

Best of luck

my daughters the complete opposite. since as long as i cajn remember, Kailey has always been a daddy's girl. now as soon as he gets home in the afternoons, she goes straight to Daddy!! during the day, she will play for hours, and will only pay attention to me if she wants something!!

im not worried at this point. her and I have a good relationship, and i can see that more when she gets older, but for now, Dad can change the bums when he gets home and give the baths!! that suits me just fine for the time being!!

good luck, but i dont think you have anything to worry about atm. in time you will bond better, and soon enough her mum wont get any attention!

Dont worry about it, im sure it will be resolved in time. I can suggest to check out some Daddy focused reading online check out ( Link removed by Mod Power, your number one for spam removal and forum cleansing...*TING* ) which has loads of great advice for Dads, and may have some top tips for your situation. Good luck with it all!

thank you, thank you, thank you everyone so much. you are all so very helpful.

i am trying using my wife's clothing (not in cross dresser sense I hasten to add) but it doesn't at the moment have any effect.

from what most of you say, i think and hope that this is just a passing phase.

once again, thank you all so very much for your advice, experience and help.

John