Join JustParents for free to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join JustParents

feeling like a bad mum

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Crying Crying

Today Joseph's teacher came to me and informed me that my son had walloped another child at break with a stick. Why?? because this child kept following Joseph about even when Joseph had asked him not to.

This is the 2nd time he has hit someone at school for not giving him his own space.

I knwo Joseph likes his own personal space but he cant go about hitting people. He is a clever lad and knows right from wrong.

I didnt speak to him on the way home from school because I was so mad! When I did I told him he couldnt go to the school fair tonight, something he was really excited about and he had to tell his Grandma why they couldnt have their 'date', which he did. He came home and put on his PJs and set to work making a picture for the boy to say sorry.

I feel awful about it, not about punishing him but because his answer to people not listening is to hit out. Crying

Is it my fault because I work full time and I should be at home with him. Is it in his genes (from the other side(not mine) because he was a violent person????? Crying Crying


hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 5 months ago
first of all Hug you are not a bad mum because you work or for any other reason, you're a good mum... Joseph is a good kid... I have to run but I'll be back on in a few to say more about this. It's not abnormal for a child his age (and I think especially boys) but I'll ellaborate more in a few... Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Ok, now that I have a few more moments... I want to give you some kudos for the way you handled the situation. I know that had to be really hard for you to take something so special away from Joseph as punishment but I bet you it will really get your point across that it was not acceptable for Joseph to react in the way that he did with the other boy.

It's not unusual for a kid his age to act out that way in frustration, especially if he had asked the other boy to give him his space and he didn't get it. You acted upon it immediately and that's what needed to be done. If you haven't already I would talk to him more about it and explain maybe a better way he could have handled the situation.

Don't feel like a bad mum hun, you are most definately not!!! I've known you for over a year now and I know what kind of parent you are. Try not to worry about the genetics, he's got a great role model in you and if he has temper issues, he will be lucky that he has a mum that will do everything she can to help him address them and work through the anger... that's if it even becomes an issue, I still think this incident was not out of the ordinary for a boy (or even a girl) his age. If it becomes frequent or goes on after being addressed this time then maybe talk a school counselor or behaviorist if you have them?

Hug Hug Hug

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Hun, i completely agree with Tammy. I haven't been around on JP for as long as you two but i don't need to have known you for as long to know that you are a great mother. I also think you handled the situation admirably. Not talking to him on the way home gave you time to calm down a little and not just lash out with the first thing that came to mind. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we can be (or me anyway)known to say and do things like punishment which we later regret. You chose a punishment which you knew would have enough impact on him to hopefully never let the situation happen again but didn't go over the top. As for the genes thing, i'm not sure i believe in inheriting behaviour? I think it is more of a learned thing. Boys and girls of his sort of age find it difficult to control their feelings, and quite often lash out as a way of dealing with whatever they are feeling at the time. I don't want to give the impression it is ok to do this, obviously it has to be adressed but it certainly isn't unusual hun. As Tammy says, sit him down and give him the tools to handle a similar situation in the future,without lashing out. (I'm sure you may have already done this!) Joseph is lucky to have you as his mother hun and IF any further issues arise in the future you will be there to help him through them.
Hug Hug Xx[/b]

soupsoup
posted 9 years 5 months ago
its not your fault and its not because you work its just what kids/boys do

im a full time mum and im having the same problems at the moment

dont beat yourself up your a great mum !!

Hug

SamuelSamuel
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Lots of children are like this at school as at home normally they receive alot more attention, at school want some attention, hit someone or do something naughty. When Mikey started school in January he turned into the devil child, so we allowed his teacher to set him up on his own table alone, he soon realised being good got him far more attention than being a little git. He has always been really well behaved so it was a bit of a shocker at first, but don't worry its normal.

orc30orc30
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Unfortunately it seems to be one of those things some little boys just do. Jack has done the same thing once or twice, when other kids won't give him space or get right in his face. He doesn't like it and it will ask them not to, but without somebody always there to separate them it can happen. His mother is a SAHM so being there all the time doesn't make a difference. And I also don't believe behaviour is genetically inheritted. If he had grown up around bad behaviour and violence then that may be a different matter.

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 9 years 5 months ago
It's really hard with children because in their head they've done something for a reason and we try to explain what is and isn't acceptable. Then another time our children will be the ones on the other end of someone elses bad mood. I think it was very strong of you to take away his treat and stick to it, so he knows you mean business. I wouldn't be hard on yourself though, kids will be kids and I suppose that by trying their luck at a young age they will hopefully learn the boundaries by the time they're abit older.

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Thanks guys. He had a better day today, and kept his hands to himself.

We have had the chat again about what to do if he is angry- he says he cant tell ths playground supervisors because they will put him on the naughty bench! I had to tall him that if he says he is feeling angry that that is a good a thing and if they did sit him on the bench it was too cool down and not because he was naughty!

He is really good at home, if my nephews are annoying him he goes and shuts himself in his room!!

candgsmumcandgsmum
posted 9 years 5 months ago
Hun, George will hit Charlotte from time to time when she gets in his space and vice versa. Every child I know has gone through a stage of hitting, maybe it's something he's picked up from another child, maybe he saw it as the only way to get the boy to leave him alone, but no way is it your fault hun!!

I can assure you I've tortured myself many a time for working when mine have been bad, but now I just have to remind myself I'm not perfect so I can't expect my kids to be. Hug's hun from what I've heard from you about Joseph, he's a brilliant and clever lad, a credit to his mum Smile xx

glowingsunglowingsun
posted 9 years 5 months ago
I went through the same thing this year with my daughter. She punched a boy giving him a bleeding nose and has hit another because someone didn't want to play with her anymore at that time. Don't worry so much, you did everything right. If your child is having a problem speaking up about his feelings, request a meeting with the school psycologist and suggest a few sessions for your child to work on social skills. This is nothing heavy and works wonders. My daughter is doing this right now and has made a new friend.

Join JustParents for free to reply

Search forums

Latest Reviews