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Dads and Access ( My Story)

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Hi Everyone

I am Kelly Single mom of Two Girls.

Where shall i start, Me and my Ex Finally Broke up In Jan 07. After me Finding out he was being Unfaithful.

I think the last time the girls seen their daddy was back in 16 jan 07 that was b4 he went to france,

I sent loads and loads of emails asking why aint u seeing the goods And so and it isnt fair on them at all, Why do they have to suffer because we have gone our own ways. Still no replys.

Finally i get one reply, Saying i am coming down 2 see the girls, "He said i be early in the morning" So me and the girls was ready for 9am. Still waiting at 2 pm No answer from his Mobile, Then out the Blue i get a txt saying "It didnt work out Soz" He finally turns up at 6ish then to stay half hour, Half of that was filling his car up with his stuff. In that time He knew i was pregnant again, He didnt reply...

That was the first time the girls seen their dad in 6 weeks. Aparently he was Busy!!!

found out he had a new Girlfriend, So i guess this new girlfriend was far more important than his own Kids!! Plus we had only been broken up for a few weeks!!.

On the 10th March, I had to go into hospital, So the kids dad had them at My House.
He was filling me in with the details of his new girlfriend Back in jan 15th He told me he was going on holiday to Iraq Im thinking yeah right IRAQ i doubt it, I asked Him he told me he went to new york With his new girlfriend. This is bugging me i can accept we are over But to ignore his kids the right to see him its just Not fair in my Eyes.

Anyway, he arrived, Just say he was asking me questions how to do stuff with our Youngest Baby who is 4 months Old, Im thinking come on, Our other little girl is 3 almost U should by now. In the end i left late end up putting them to bed for him AND!!! Ordered food!! B4 i left.

Well, i left a long drive to the midlands.
It all seemed good upto after i had My operation.

I had a Grastric Banding Major Surgery Me thinking i would be out the next day!! I was in for to days.

Anyways i was getting Insults Like Get ur fat ulgy Behined back home u Whor* Or i will leave them on their own Second txt was Im leaving the door Unlooked so if they get ou they may Die or someat.

Last txt was Oh ive got to go, I was not in any fit state to look after myself then 2 kids, "He said im calling Child Protection meaning Social services.

I had no other option to come bk, Home i was so much in pain.

Wen i turned up He had a right smirk on his face. Thinking it was funny.

In between the thime he had them was from sat Night, upto thursday evening He dumped them on a childminder No doubt he didnt look at references or anythin Just s o he could see his New girlfriend off to Rome". Then twice again on his mum his mum bathed them put them to bed.

I cant believe hes gone to this level"" It sickens me
i would of thought he would wanna spend time with his kids Being he has not seen them for weeks Once since Jan.

A week has passed i am still a little Sore from My surgery but doing ok, I aint heard from him at all.

Has anyone been through the same I need Advice?????

Kelly x

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
hi hun firstly welcome to jp and hope u get well really soon

i cant really give u advice as i havent been in this sitistion hun my kids daddy is the best u could ask for he is always there and will do anything for them

yours sounds like he needs to grow up and take some major responsability for the kids he helped to create his children should come before hi girlfriend i no mine do to their dad

i no i havent been much help but i am here if u need to rant and rave hun dont be afraid to pm me and i will try and help in anyway i can

my names donna

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Hi Donna

I try my best for My kids to see their daddy
Nothing is working But i guess u cant force someone

I am seriously out of energy to cope with it all
ive had it!!

Ps thanks for messagein me Donna xx

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
thats ok hunni thats what friends are for

dont stress about it too much hunni remember its his loss u will see ur daughters grow up and do all those first things and have everything kids have eg broken hearts and they will no u r there for them and love them and they will love and respect you for that hunni and they in time will no it was thier dad that chose to not see them not the fact u wouldnt let him
thats his preoblem hunni not urs

posted 1 decade 7 years ago

welcome to just parents Very happy

Firstly hope you get better soon and your recovery goes to plan.

From what you've put it sounds like you have been more than reasonable in trying to get their dad to play an active role. It does seem so sad that he obvioulsy isn't up to the job.

You sound so strong and to be focusing on your kids which is great. I think you just have to forget about him being involved and focus on you and your girls. easy said i know but like you say you can't make it work on your own it will just keep waring you down.

Take care of yourself and look forward to seeing you around on here

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Your little kiddies will grow up and know who gave them the love.

It makes me so cross - I think if couples split then contact should be 50/50. My lad's Daddy was a lovely person but he came when it suited him. When our son was born, he wanted him so much...We split and he made the choice of seeing 3/4 times a year? Wasn't much but I couldn't take it away from my boy.

Anyway 50/50 could help with maintenance issues, childcare issues and work issues. And all round responsibility for both parents.

Danielle x

RichRich Moderator
posted 1 decade 7 years ago
After reading that, if it were me, I would ban him access, that behaviour is abosulutley hideous!...What gives him the right to A) come and go as he see's fit, and B) Torment you like that. He has a major chip on his shoulder and taking it out on you is unfair and disgusting!!! Danielle is right, your Kids will understand when they are older who the loving caring person is...this person really does'nt deserve to see the Kids if thats his can always counter him and say if he threatens you like that again you will have an injunction put out on lowlife scum like that is worth the hassle in my opinion, and it's easy to see how us Guys get a bad reputation is'nt it?...A bully and immature guy like that is'nt worth spit! Sorry, but thats made me quite angry, kids are precious, not Pawns in a chess game of life! Hope you get better soon. and for him... ( it's the only slightly offensive emote I could find hehe )

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
I agree with Rich. Things have at last settled down with me and my ex but it took a while, he was a right Angry and acted along the same lines yours is now.

Firstly any txts he has sent you like that keep. Don't let him come and go as he pleases. When he has arranged to take the kids if possible meet him somewhere to hand them over. Maybe at his parents or a park or something.
It is your home,that you are bringing up the kids in not his so i would try and limit anytime you let him in there. If he feels he can still waltz in and out he will still think he is in charge.

The worst thing you can do is bad mouth him in front of your kids. Try and keep everything out of there ear shot because given time they will realise what he is like if he keeps acting this way.

I know it isn't easy when kids are involved and obviously there are times when you have to rely on him as there father but i would try and become as independant as you can so that you won't have to ask for his help. After all he should be offering it not treating it like a chore.

I wish you lots of luck and be strong.At the end of the day he may upset the kids but as long as they have got you they will know that they are loved. He is the one that will end up loosing out.

posted 1 decade 7 years ago

B4 I Posted a Post!! I thought to myself Its all my Fault,

prior to all I have Put up with a lot much Cra* Back at christmas

Me finding Website with his Name Pic so On!!

On the day b4 i was meant to go into hospital He was in the midlands Working Yeah right Me thinking"
At the time i was over Due With My Youngest
He was arranging meets with women and TV`S

Day b4 and day after our baby girl was born, Me in Labour he was in and out of the Hospital Like he didnt want to be with me.

I have a 7yr old daughter from a previous Relationship
the day i let her go to her dads to stay because My relationship was a mess and He didnt Like her that Much, I think what i have done was best for her cus Kids can feel the negative whatsit and constant arguments was not fair on her.

"He says im Glad she has gone i hate her guts Then he speeded off in his car - Any Human being would of Known how painful it was for me. and still is.

B4 we moved 2 Halifax From Birmingham We had a house
we sold it and got £120000 thousand in the bank
As far as i know he has Only 3 grand left all gone within 7 Months What a waste.

The week we kinds broke up He spent a wopping 12 grand in one week, I later find out he spent it on Strippers Hotels Gentalmens clubs So on

I asked why did u do it , "He says its all My fault, Later Says Oh Im Gay! im thinking what the hell,
And Now he aint???

There is a lot of Grafic words but i cant say on here and is still Pianful. All i can say I am So glad i am single and i enjoy it too.

My story can go on for hours and days

Thanks Guys Gals for ur messages!! xxx

RichRich Moderator
posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Sounds to me like you are better off without that have no place in a world of excuses, never and I do mean NEVER blame yourself for anything that he's put and putting you through. Wash that man right outta your hair ( sorry, Corny I know - but so true )...enjoy being single, spend as much quality time with ur kiddies Smile and remember, not all of us blokes are like that, just a minority that make the good ones look bad too.

Keep us posted if you ever need a chat Smile

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