tween and trust

I have a problem and I'm not sure how to handle it. My 12 yr old daughter asked us if she could go to a football game with her friend tonight. We told her that was fine if we met the parents that would be there with them. Her friend came over with her grandparents who said they would not be staying for the game but her aunt would meet them at the gate. We said that was fine as long as there was an adult with them. They reassured us that she was very responsible and their granddaughter was as well. They went on to tell us that this was their anniversary and that they were going to dinner so they wouldnt stay with them. My daughter's friend was very quiet. I didn't feel right about it so after 30 min or so I went to the game to check it out. The girls were there but the "aunt" was no where to be found. After taking me to the bathroom to meet her and then searching the stadium they told me maybe she went out for food. My daughter says she never actually met her that her friend just said her car was there so she must be there. She insists that she thought there was someone there and she told them she couldn't go if she didn't have a parent. First I can't believe that someone would drop their 12 yr old daughter off at a game and leave them unsupervised but 2nd of all I can't believe they would lie to me which is what it looks like. My husband is ready to ground our daughter and take her off the basketball team. I'm not so sure how to handle this. I want to give her the benifit of the doubt but don't want her to think it's alright to lie to us. Any suggestions?

it sounds to me like your daughter genuinely didnt know as she pointed out that she wasnt sposed to go without an adult.

id give her the benefit of the doubt.

If she was lying shell be more wary in future.

BTW id feel the same if it were me. Cept Id be the one going loopy like your hubby and mine would be ok with it!

My 11 year old has just come back from france and has been wandering round parts of Paris unsupervised. I have to be more laid back now!!!

I think if they lied to you they probably lied to your daughter too. Maybe because they would only let their girl go if she had someone so they roped your daughter in.
Call their bluff next time and say you'll go too as you'd like to meet the aunt or something to test them (the parents/grandparents I mean)

It sounds to me like your daughter was duped by these people too. I'd find it a bit harsh to punish her for that as it sounds like she genuinely didn't know.

I think I'd be very wary of these people in future - they don't sound responsible at all.

Good luck hun

Ok just an update. Thank you all for your advise and as it turns out you were right! I found a note my daughter wrote to her friend (yes, not knowing what else to do, I broke a cardinal sin and snooped lol). Her friend lied to her about the aunt being there! I can't tell you how happy I was that my daughter didn't lie to us. We didn't punish her, instead just told her if that situation happened again to call us. We usually go with her but because of soccer practice and cheerleading practice with our other children we didn't. I'm still blown away by the grandparents lying to us. You can't help but feel bad for the friend. I don't think her grandparents realize the trust they broke. Anyway, thank you all for your help!

It sounds like the grandparents were being very vague to start with... by saying the aunt would "meet them at the gate" doesn't sound like she would be with them the whole time.

It sounds to me like your daughter was inccocent in all of this and maybe she should have called you when she saw the aunt was no where in site but maybe felt it was ok as long as the friend said she was there somewhere

Please don't take this the wrong way but I don't think 12 yrs old is too young to be dropped off at a school function as long as your daughter is trustworthy enough to not go off somewhere else besides the game... then again, I only have a 5 yr old daughter and when she is 12 I might have a whole new perspective on things might never let her out of my sight to be honest! LOL

I would be contacting those grandparents and the parents of that girl to have serious chat. NO ADULT SHOULD EVER HAVE THEN RIGHT TO TELL A CHILD TO KEEP A SECRET OR TEACH THEM TO LIE LIKE THAT. EVER. This situation could have gotten much worse. It was plain deceitfulness.

I have to agree that it is a most despicable act on the grandparents behalf to lie to you like that. I can't believe they would be so blatantly deceitful . Your poor daughter must have been really worried she would get into trouble when you found them on their own ! I am glad to hear she genuinely didn't know what was happening and didn't lie to you . I think i would be having a stern word with them.

I have to say i also think 12 is a suitable age to be at a school function on her own (if trustworthy) although like tammy i may change my mind when my 2yr old reaches 12? However the fact that you were lied to i think is the real issue here. As you belived someone was reaponsible for your daughter that wasn't. How was she going to get home if no-one was there with them? Would she have had to make her own way back? Oooh i would be soooo mad! Xx