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How can he say that

NewbieMummyNewbieMummy
posted 9 years 4 months ago
My OH has totally peed me off this entire pregnancy and hes not getting any better! for 2 months we were apart as i went to visit my parents and he couldnt come due to work etc. We havent had an easy ride ive lost 2 babies before this one, one was a m/c in march this year. I had bleeding early on and so panicked ofcourse and called him he told me to go drs etc i said it was weekend theres no point they wont do anything. He even went so far to say if something happened it was my fault! How dare he?
Besides that he called me most days we even had a fight or he just depressed me, so those months were pure stress. Still hes telling me cant wait for me to be home he missed me blah blah.
Well since i got home hes been a total pain in the butt. Moody and depressed most days, always snapping at me or putting me down, i tell him hes doing it and hell apologise say its stress etc and then next day same thing!
I know hes got worries, hes not getting on with him mum and they run a business together so its not easy they fight every day and its getting him down. Hes worried we wont be able to afford the baby, we got a house we're not going to be homeless! I know its not cheap but im not worried, but hes a man and feels he should be providing.
He even said if i wanted to go back and have the baby and stay with my parents hed prefer it but he probably wont be there at the birth! Its like he doesnt want to be involved with this baby at all, hardly a second have i actually seen him excited. It upsets me because we wanted this baby, i didnt get pregnant by accident, we planned it and now hes being this way. I thought i was imagining it or hormones making it worse in my head that it was, but i felt guilty for being happy i was pregnant, i feel like i cant say anything about the baby around him because it just depresses him. But he even went so far to say yesterday he regrets the decision we made to have the baby! That means he doesnt want me to be pregnant doesnt it. I burst into tears because i cant believe he'd say that he knows what we been through in the past he should be celebrating i got this far, i only got one tube after a bad ectopic, then i lost another baby i might not have been able to have kids at all and then hes saying he regrets this one being alive. Im angry but mostly im just sad. I dont regret my baby im worried too but i cant wait to meet my baby.

Im sorry im rambling but i just needed to get it out


soupsoup
posted 9 years 4 months ago
how pregnant are you ?


im sure that it is immensley stressful for you both after suffering m/c's

its hard because you should be able to share your fears with your partner - but on the other hand you dont want to bring your partner down

NewbieMummyNewbieMummy
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Im just over 21 weeks now, and the times flying, it not only fears i want him to be happy about it but its like anything i say just reminds him cost/money/stress. I feel bad for him that hes getting himself in this state its not neccessary in my opinion, but trying to talk to him is like talking to a wall!

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Aww hun, this must be a really difficult situation to be in hun. I can understand the pressure you must both be under. Having had previous misscarriages is so stressful for both of you. Maybe he is scared to get too attached to this pregnancy in case it ends in miscarriage too? Men can be afraid to let out their feelings. He may still be grieving for the babies you lost? He shouldn't have said the things he said to you, but if he is scared of losing this baby too it would make some sense?
As for the money worries, i think all men worry far more about this side of things than the woman. We tend to know we will cope, whatever the circumstances and although things might be tough for a year or two, you will get through it. My DF was terrified when i got pregnant 1st time around (it was a few months earlier than planned) because he worried we wouldn't cope financially. We have and although things aren't flush we are coping fine at the moment. There really never is a perfect time to have a baby and if we all waited for there to be, the human race would have died out years ago. I know this doesn't help your situation right now but your DF is obviously also under a lot of pressure and saying things he probably doesn't mean Tell Off I would try and get an evening when you are both relaxed and try and have a heart to heart. See if he will open up about his feelings a bit more. It could be that this relationship isn't meant to be, and if that is the case i'm sure you will cope just great as a single mum (you sound like you have a very helpful family too). However don't write things off just yet hun. I really hope you can sort these problems out hun, good luck and keep us informed how things go! Hug Xx

NewbieMummyNewbieMummy
posted 9 years 4 months ago
well i asked him the other day as it was getting to me so much, if he meant what he said, because for the past days since he said it hes been rubbing my bump asking about the baby and all he said he didnt mean it. Then he said about his friends and all who dont know noticing my bump poking out now and he said they'd all be happy any way and it was a thing of joy, i said yeah not to you though. but he said no he was happy, but that didnt stop him worrying about how we'd cope but once the baby got here he'd be really happy and more than happy to be changing nappies etc.
Thats the same thing hes always said in the past, he wanted to try for the baby before me, when i was saying we couldnt afford it he always said if you waited until the time was perfect youd never have a baby. So i cant understand why now he doesnt listen to himself.
All i want to know is that he doesnt regret this baby and he says hes sorry about what he said and he didnt mean it its just stress getting to him, and i guess deep down i know he didnt mean it as i know a baby is one thing he has always wanted. I just never expected him to say that so it took me by surprise.
Thanks for your words of advice, its nice to be able to just spill it out, my family are supportive but i dont like to share things like this with them, it makes it complicated than it has to be!

cheche
posted 9 years 4 months ago
I think he just don't know how to handle the fears and the stress that you both have. Remember that we are all different in many ways. I'm sure that when the time comes and a little pressure is off, he will surely feel the happiness. This will be great for you and your baby. Just be patient with him.

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