I got the blame

Hello all,

Would just like some opinions on something horrid that happened to me.

One of my close friends has just come out of a relationship. Over the relationship she repeatedly said to me that she didn't love this person, saw no future together, didn't trust them, and she wanted to be free to persue other people.

From what she told me, I always agreed that she should end the relationship.

However, when she finally did end this relationship, she told the man in question that I had agreed with her that the relationship was not good and should end. He has now got it into his head that I PUSHED her into leaving him and that it is all my fault!! When in reality I did not discuss it with her very much and just agreed with her feelings!! He then took it further by sending me a venomous email saying that I made her do it and that he hoped horrible things happened to me and my family!!

I was just so totally shocked as I have never experienced such hatred! All when I thought I was helping by supporting my friend's decision!

What are people's opinions on this? I'm not really sure what to do from here.

Have you explained to your friend what is going on? I think it should be her that clears the air and tells him all you were doing was being a shoulder to cry on.

I know this sounds hard but maybe her ex is taking some of his fustrations/anger out on you because he needs someone to blame, and unfortunately that's you, and just rise above the nasty email and ignore it.

Obviously it's hard to know what is really going on in someones relationship if you only have one side of the story.

I would keep the email just incase it gets any nastier or he continues to make you uncomfortabe and you need to take it any further. Also keep a record of any times he made any other contact.

I do think your friend should set him straight though if she hasn't tried already.

delete the email and move on the guy is just feeling bitter

Hi,

thanks for your replies. Unfortunately I have already deleted the email, but I did send a copy to my friend, so I think she still has it.

She contacted the guy straight away when I told her what he had done, but he didn't want to know, and just told her to "leave him to his anger".

I don't think she will contact him again until things have calmed down.

Its just horrid and confusing to have such strong hatred directed at you for trying to be helpful!

Wow, I don't think this is friend you have here. Obviously he was acting abusive towards her and wanted the reprcussions from dumping him on someone else.
Normally I would say talk to her about your involvment with her break up, but she seems to bend the truth. Why would she turn around her reasons to her boyfriend after lying in the first place.
If you recieve any more threatening letters from her boyfriend then I would bring this matter to authorities. That's what they are, threats. And it's illegal. And I would definitly break ties with this girl before she gets you into more hot water.

candgsmum said:

I know this sounds hard but maybe her ex is taking some of his fustrations/anger out on you because he needs someone to blame, and unfortunately that's you, and just rise above the nasty email and ignore it.



I would keep the email just incase it gets any nastier or he continues to make you uncomfortabe and you need to take it any further. Also keep a record of any times he made any other contact.

I agree

Hi hun, it must be awful to have such anger directed at you. especially when you were just trying to be a good friend. Tbh i think it probably just got out of hand, i'm sure your friend didn't mean to drag you into it, she probably just mentioned that she had discussed how she was feeling with you and that you agreed with her feelings that the relationhip was going nowhere. However he obviously wanted someone to blame rather than looking in his own backyard! As sarah says, try and rise above it. If however he still keeps on at you then keep any further messages/e-mails etc. he sends and inform the police you are getting harrased! I hope that will be the end of it for you now though hun! Xx

Sometimes when you are being a great friend, it can be switched around.

It sounds like you were just being a brilliant friend, and i am sorry to hear you have now got the nasty tail end of it

He is feeling bitter now hence the nasty email, as if what ever you feel or would have said would end the relationship anyway. She is her own person surely.

It will blow ever, try not too let it get you down. Just remember friends listen and try and help you were doing what good friends do

x

Thanks loads for all the replies!

He just seems to be completely irrational from what I've experienced. I'm hoping that this is the end of it though. My friend seems to think so.

I think I was in a state of shock when I read the mail! I'm trying not to dwell on it at the moment, but it is quite difficult.

If I try and think what I could have done differently to avoid the situation, I don't think I could have done anything! As my friend was telling me that for lots of reasons she wanted to end the relationship, there is no way I would have done anything other than agree with her and support her.

Thanks again for all your replies - it has made me feel better!