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I am utterly livid with my mother!

SeaThreePeeOSeaThreePeeO
posted 9 years 3 months ago
The other day Amy had a major temper tantrum over dinner (she wanted to bounce on the trampoline I wanted her to eat her dinner, I know, I'm evil). She doesn't have them often but when she does they are in fact quite amusing to watch. During this tantrum she screamed solidly for 20 minutes whilst throwing herself about the room. I simply ignored her, no amount of tear stain snotty nosed snivels could sway me and after the 20 minute tantrum she ate her dinner.

I mentioned this tantrum in passing to my mother last night as I thought it was rather funny. My mother's answer? She's a spoilt brat like that because I don't smack her enough! Shocked

Now when I was a young single mother to Ana I was living with my parents and when her behaviour started to get uncontrollable their answer was that she needed a good smack. Of course being naive and thinking they knew better I smacked Ana when she was 'naughty'. It was later found out that Ana had autism and no amount of smacking would make it go away. I feel terribly guilty because of this and I swore I would never smack again.

I am just so Angry with my mother.


jo-jojo-jo
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Hug I think at times our parents think that smacking solves everything (dark ages), dont get me wrong there are times when i have been so close to smacking my son but i know it does nothing.I also ignore my DS when he throws a good old tantrum (which lately is often and over food).Dont let it get to you to much hun just do what you feel is best and just remember some parents have dated views on some issues.

candgsmumcandgsmum
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Hmm yes usually my parents veiw on bad behaviour too hun. I find just ignoring works loads better. x

staceybstaceyb
posted 9 years 3 months ago
- My blog
my mums the same hun. weve been having alot of trouble with jami (my 12yr old) and my mum has said 'she wouldnt behave like that if she lived with me' makes me feel quite pants sometimes

orc30orc30
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Attitudes to smacking have changed a lot of the last 10-20 years. But more recently the children have become more aware of the changes which leads to the problem where they think that they can get away with anything as they get older. I think the threat of it in the past probably used to be enough to stop things but now you have the problem that you can't even touch them to restrain them if necessary.

I find that ignoring tantrums and the naughty step seem to work quite well on the younger kids. I'd I'm sure the embarassment factor of these punishments would work well on the older kids, but when they won't listen to you I'm not sure what would happen. Hopefully I'll never be in that situation.

glowingsunglowingsun
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I have issues with my mom and the in-laws too. I think this is way some adults only speak to their parents on special occassions. It's your house, your rules, your kids. That is what you need her to realize. Like my mom, she may not have known when her motherly doting should have retired.

As for the tantrums, Your not doing anything wrong. She ate her supper in the end, right!? Young kids are still developing their emotions and quite often feel they are not being heard. You have probably felt like throwing a tantrum before (like at work on a very bad day) Ask yourself "How do I feel when no one will listen to me?" This exercise will put a different perspective on your childs tantrums. He's not acting out, He's very fustrated and can't get his words out in a way mom understands. But, they get over it and move on with their day.
Plus, getting your anger out is good for you. Not holding it in.

SeaThreePeeOSeaThreePeeO
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I have no problem with temper tantrums. In fact I have on several occasions while happily ignored the girls in public when they have tantrumed. If they're upset then why can they not express it?

Being a first time parent of a child with special needs and behavioural problems I soon learnt how to pick my battles and what behaviour to simply ignore.

I thinkwhat has annoyed me the most is that my mother considered my toddler a spoilt brat because she had a tantrum. What 2 year old doesn't?

If she had said to me 'Okay mummy, what ever you say.' I would have taken her straight to the doctors. LOL

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 9 years 3 months ago
LOL, Well if there is a 2yr old out there that does everything he/she is told i have yet to meet him. Rolling Eyes
My mum is the opposite, she says it is better to have a little one with a bit of 'spirit' and that it means they know there own mind. Which is a good thing. It sounds to me as though you are doing a great job hun. Try not to let your mum get to you. As the others have said, she is your child not your mums and you need to bring her up the way that suits your family best! Hug Xx

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 3 months ago
The last time (before our recent vacation) my mom spent time with Aaralyn she was 3 years old and we were at Disney World, it was hot, Aaralyn had a cold and she was just plain cranky... my mom told me that I wasn't "strict" enough with her and she was going to be "spoiled" if I let her act like that.... well, to that I said, "what ever!" I know my kid and I know why she was cranky....

I was very happy when my mom ate her words and on this recent vacation we went on, she told me how well behaved Aaralyn is and that I was doing a great job of being her mom Happy I don't get that kinda stuff from my mom alot (usually it's critical) so it made me feel soooooooooooo good to hear her say that!

glowingsunglowingsun
posted 9 years 3 months ago

hapydazy said:
The last time (before our recent vacation) my mom spent time with Aaralyn she was 3 years old and we were at Disney World, it was hot, Aaralyn had a cold and she was just plain cranky... my mom told me that I wasn't "strict" enough with her and she was going to be "spoiled" if I let her act like that.... well, to that I said, "what ever!" I know my kid and I know why she was cranky....

I was very happy when my mom ate her words and on this recent vacation we went on, she told me how well behaved Aaralyn is and that I was doing a great job of being her mom Happy I don't get that kinda stuff from my mom alot (usually it's critical) so it made me feel soooooooooooo good to hear her say that!


My mom is the same way. When Candra was a baby my mom would yell at me if I picked her up every time she cried. My mom would say I'm spoiling her if I gave in to every wail.
Then one weekend, Candra was visiting my mom and when they came back my mom had this devestated attitude. She told me that on yhe first night, Candra had a huge tantrum about bedtime. My mom told me in these exact words "When Candra is over at someone's house you should be expecting that she behaves herself. I was about to bring her home right that night."
Apperantly the rest of the weekend went well. So I told my mom later (when she was more calm) that Candra was going through a rough transition. (Candra was starting nursery school at the time). My mom never complained like that again about her tantrums.

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