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Unreasonable request??

ElementaryElementary
posted 9 years 3 months ago
This is purely hypothetical, nothing has been said or done!!
Alex would like to have Martha during the holidays - for a few nights - whilst I don't have a problem with that perse - I do have a problem if he were not to have time off from work too - I do not see the point of her sleeping there to then have him swan off to work at 6.45 before she's up and then get home at 6.30ish just before her bedtime. I do not appreciate Hayley's methods of childrearing - Power rangers and karate are not my style - and Martha's behaviour is appalling enough when she returns from spending time there.
Would this be an unreasonable request??


candgsmumcandgsmum
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Does seem stupidly pointless for her to be there if her dad isn't.

I don't think it is at all unreasonable.

gypseygypsey
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Bad! thats not being unreasonable at all if he would like her to stop can he not juggle is wrk hrs to fit in say one day aweek were he is there for her?

WelshMumWelshMum
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I have a very similar situation with James and Gemma's dad, he wanted them to stay up with him (but they are really with his mum who lives near him) on a tuesday night, friday night til sunday morning. While I appreciate the break, the kids only see their dad on a wednesday afternoon for 3 or 4 hours- maybe a couple of hours on the weekend... they were away in west wales with their nan during the hols and he had "thought about" spending some time with them but decided not to- v annoying, what is the point?!! I think they spend way too much time with their nan, she is a wonderful nan but she shouldn't be looking after them all the time.

Lou x

LucyLucy
posted 9 years 3 months ago
i think that to have her to spend time with her then go to work is a bit silly, the idea is to spend quality time with her.

id keep it to evenings and until he stops working ong the days she goes over there then she doesnt go.

Hayley also needs to know that her methods are not acceptable and you could always give her a list of what you expect whilst shes in her fathers care.

Any problems then back to court.

glowingsunglowingsun
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Hayley needs to hear a lecture from you on how to abide by the rules of other parents. What is your daughter going to get out of this, if her dad is away most of the time while someone else plops your kid in front of the t.v and teaches her to fight. (Thats really what Hayley is doing.)

I would tell the dad to take some time of and make it a shorter visit. That way your daughter will still get to see her dad and he won't miss too much work.

If Martha is acting out when she comes back, that is a sign of the rules being laxed (if there is rules). I think you need to speak to the both of them.

ElementaryElementary
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Trouble is that whenever I say something he accuses me of blackmail!! I gave kept a diary of all her behaviour since this started!
She currently sees him every weekend - unless he is busy Mad and stays usually one weekend night a month

orc30orc30
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I agree with the others that if she is going to stay with him then he should not be working at that time. Would it really be so hard to take some time off work to spend with her? Otherwise she will no doubt end up staying up late to spend time with him and this may disrupt any routine that you have created, a problem I experienced in the past with the eldest visiting her father.

With regards to the parenting skills of his partner, well all I can suggest is that you make a polite suggestion of what you consider to be correct and then just keep a diary of any behvioural problems that are experienced in case you need to use it later.

ElementaryElementary
posted 9 years 3 months ago

orc30 said:
keep a diary of any behvioural problems that are experienced in case you need to use it later.

I have been doing that for the last couple of years - whenever I have mentioned the issue I am accused of threatening him - so tend to keep quite - once his name's off the mortgage then he can't control me and I can say if I don't like something!

kristagkristag
posted 9 years 3 months ago
Your request is perfectly reasonable. If you want to see a child then spend quality time with them. I think you are right in your thinking and I agree with other comments that have been made about keeping a diary of events and attitudes. I wish you luck hon. x

soupsoup
posted 9 years 3 months ago
sounds great !!

he should WANT to book the time off to see martha

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I don't think your request would be unreasonable at all!.... Why is it that some of these dad's (Aaralyn's included) think it's ok just to squeeze the visits in when it's convenient.... what if us mom's started doing that??? Grrrrr!!!

Good luck with him hun!

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