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Struggling young mum

mumofangelmumofangel
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Hello I am 19 years old and mum to a beautiful adorable baby boy who means the world to me. He has just gone one and even though i wouldnt change having him i feel like i am really struggling to keep going. I live with my partner and he is an amazing dad when he wants to be. He feels like its my duty to do everything for our little boy and always tells me how he wants a life like his friends. I don't think he fully understands how much my life has changed, i don't ever feel like i have any time for me. I have gone back to work part-time and this is the only time my little boy isnt with me. I always have dinner or nappy changes on my mind and just feel like i can never relax. My boyfriend is always making me feel so guilty that he cant do what other boys his age can cos he has responsibilities but it is really starting to get me down. Im sorry if this sounds like i am feeling sorry for myself i just feel like i am not in control of anything anymore and i am just making my partner unhappy by asking him to stay with me.


soupsoup
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Wave welcome

it sounds like you both feel under appreciated, which is very easily done

you need to sit down and speak to your partner really, maybe draw up a list of things that need to be done daily and agree to split the list. Explain to him that you know he helps you but you need a little bit more help because you cant phisically cope

if you want a family household to run smoothly then you will need lists/rotas/reward charts 0 they really do make things run smoothly

give it a try - i hope you work something out,

maybe you and your BF need a weekend away do you have anyone to babysit for you

Monkey

ZionsRodeVosZionsRodeVos
posted 9 years 4 months ago
One way I believe will help your boyfriend to understand better is for you to leave your son with him for an hour or two or even half a day.

Long enough so that he ends up feeding him and changing a nappy or two. That should open his eyes very quickly as to how much effort it is to take care of a 1 year old.

At the same time as he is learning what you do all the time you can go out with friends or do something by yourself and get some much needed time to yourself.

LihraLihra
posted 9 years 4 months ago
My hubby realised what i was going through after 2 yrs of saying how tired i am and how i have a list of a million and 1 things to do each day. when i went out with an old school friend for a day. 8am - 10pm a long day and i gave him alist of everything i would normally do in that time. At 12pm he was calling me saying how do i cope with this the baby wants my attention and i still have 3 loads of washing to do and to make the 2yr old lunch when i got back at 10pm he said now i know how you feel.

He helped out for 2mnths or so with the aid of a rota but it didnt change much 4nights a week he was supposed to wash up and generalyt only did it once. So i have learnt to except the fact that it will prob stay the same.
Sorry for the non optomisic post

ElementaryElementary
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Only thing that I will say is that it does get soooo much better - I really was never a fan of the early years - but they can start being more involved with simple things like the park, and although they will always want to know 'Mummy' is nearby - they do become a little more independent - IYSWIM
Also, my husband appeared very 'hands on' helping with housework etc, but he was doing all the 'right' things whilst having an affair and then left!!!

glowingsunglowingsun
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I know so many moms who go through the exact situation. Sometimes worse. This boy needs to realize that in order to work out his problems he needs to grow up with you. You are a woman now! So why is he not a man yet? I don't believe your realtionship is unsalvagable, but you do need to help each other out to solve the problem. Try going to a drop in center with each other and meet other parents. I f you live in neighborhood with lots of young parents then you can meet new friends. If not don't be intimidated by older parents. When you are 18 it really doesn't matter. Some dads take there kids to drop in centers too. You can also find out if there are any dad gatherings in your area. The point is that he needs to interact with other fathers so he can gain some insight to what he really means to the family. And maybe he can realize that a man changing a diaper is O.K. You need to put your foot down and be more demanding of him. If this doesn't work then he will be left behind as you and your son grow up. I was a teen parent too. i feel the burden of struggling to survive and not succeed. You will get through it and all starts with actions to change what doesn't work.

SeaThreePeeOSeaThreePeeO
posted 9 years 3 months ago
My suggestion? If you have someone who could take your son for an hour or so do that and then sit down with your boyfriend and have a real heart to heart talk with him about exactly how you feel.

Unfortunately it is a sad fact of life that some men never take the responsibility of having a child seriously. In fact some never even manage to mature at all.

What have you got to lose?

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