To spank or not to spank, that is the question

So, let's get a little controversial again

I'm just curious what other's opinions are on spanking there children....

I always said I would never spank my child but that was before I had one. I have given Aaralyn a swat on the butt that has hurt her feelings, but not enough to inflict pain on her. It was enough though that I can usually say "do you need a spank on your bum?" and she'll stop being a freshy or argueing or whatever it is that she's doing that she's not supposed to.

I would never spank her anywhere but on her bum, with her clothes covering her bum as well and at the most, she's had maybe 3 in her whole life and they were for major misbehavior!

My issue with spanking is that if it's done in the heat of anger, then it could get more physical than intended to. That's why when she's done something to make me really angry, I will put her in time out until we've both calmed down and then talk about it. I've never smacked her in her face, ever, although I know people who have done to their children for being very mouthy or using bad language, but that's just not my style of dealing with things like that.

So, tell me, what do you guys feel about spanking children??

I'm smacked Jas on the bum on the thigh when she was much younger and playing up. She got a couple of smacks one day for not staying in her car seat. I was putting her in and she was screaming and was at the age she could undo the belt so kept just standing up. I got very cross and smacked her legs.

I don't think there's any harm in it at all. There is a huge difference between a little smack and beating a child up. I got smacked as a child and so did all of my friends - we haven't grown up into monsters or child beaters and we never felt abused. Also, when I was young, they used the cane at school and that was quite a deterrent for most of us but, of course, those that got it most worried about it least and that's just life.

I would, however, never, ever hit Jas or any child around the face. I do think that's too much. Having said that, my friend had a row with her 14 year old daughter and the daughter smacked her round the face so she smacked her right back and very hard. It didn't happen again. I think personally I'd draw the line at that but you never know until you get there do you.

I do think there is a huge lack of discipline nowadays and, possibly getting even more contraversial (sp?), too many 'bleeding hearts' telling parents what they can and can't do and too many children knowing and shouting their rights at authority. It strikes me the children that are often in genuine danger, don't get the help they need as the authorities are too scared of the parents in most cases (you see the horror stories on TV all the time where social services are worried to get involved then the kiddie is dead...). I hear too many mouthy teenagers who have no respect for adults or police. A bit of discipline starts at home and we are, as a society, poorly lacking in it if you ask me.

I remember my father saying if he got in trouble, the policeman who belt him round the head with his rolled up cape and if he told his dad, he'd get another smack. Perhaps harsh? However, they and my generation, tended to respect our elders more and have some consideration for other people.

Gosh, that turned into a marathon...

Now, what was the question?

when Joseph was little I would tap his fingers if he had been naughty or touching things he shouldnt - not hard just enough for the shock factor but I never did it alot.

I recently smacked his bum after a terrible day and then he hit my uncle (he has never hit anyone and I now think it was play that got out of control) I felt sooo guilty and now if I shout at him he says please don't smack me - makes me feel much worse about hitting and also sounds like I always do it. I do tend to use the nsughty spot as most of the time Joseph just needs cooling down time, he has a good sense of right and wrong.

I don't think there is any harm in it if it isnt a regular thing. There is a huge difference between smacking and beating.

As a teacher I think (and have seen) that parents don't discipline their child and children have no idea of boundaires and therefore no respect for people.

Not sure what i would do as i have not got to it yet.

But i understand why parents have too sometimes, i was smacked when i was a child, but not sure how i feel. We will see when Harrison is a little sod

xxx

I have smacked Martha a couple of times, but it doesn't work - time out is much more effective - and I also have a problem with the times I tell her not to hit, and yet I smack her

with my son who is nearly 12, i would rather take his xbox offhim, send him to his room untill he has had a good think about wat he has done then we will sit down and talk, wen he was little he got a few smacks, not hard more like taps for very bad things, but now i just dont think that woud work with him lol

i smack charly on the hand if shes putting herself in danger eg: fingers in the plug socket i put the guards on back she can take them out. so to be on the safe side coz i dont like smacking her my dad took it off and covered it. im now down a plug socket but id rather that than loose charly.

anyway back to the subject lol i dont like smacking her but yea if shes doing anything dangerous then yea i smack but i only smack her hands. otherwise she just gets told off, which is normally replyed with a shut up lol cheeky monkey

I've smaked both mine on occassion, my DH does too, but there's been times when I've stopped him because he was doing it more in anger.

Charlotte has a 3 strikes then out policy, 3 tellings off then its the step. She's pretty good at apologising after the step and being good, otherwise it's bed and that seems to work. She very rarely gets a smack.

George is a different kettle of fish, he will sit on the step but come back in and do whatever he got sent on the step for So he gets told off again and sure enough the tantrunm will ensue, so we either move him away and let him get on with it or leave the room and let him get on with it. he gets a tap on the leg from me or the back of the hand, but only as a last resort, but to be honest it doesn't seem to make much difference. He is at terrible 2's at the moment and learning to push his boundries, he has trouble communicating with us sometimes and he gets fustrated but we are learning if we keep calm with him he sees to behave better.

I was smacked as a kid, as was my DH. I wouldn't smack like my dad did though, bare bum and slipper was very painful, and to be honest i think it made better liars of us because we still did wrong but rather than owning up to our wrong doing we would blame someone else or deny all knowledge, because we knew the slipper would be out!! I don't agree with smacking with anything else but hands, if it hurts you, you know you've hurt them. I'm going to be honest and admit i've hit harder than i intended in anger and pure fustration, but my god I hate myself for it! It has taught me to keep calmer and the patience i have now is millions times better than before I had kids.

Hmmmm,i have smacked Vic before and it did absolutly nothing (he started hitting back)
He responds better to time out (he hates it with a passion)i hardly got smacked when i was a child but my DH did (pretty badly)so we tend not to go down that road to often but there are times when he does need a good old tap on the bum!!!

Ive smacked my two, but stopped when they were started school.

I used to use the element of surprise, so they wouldnt know it was coming, like 2 warnings and if i said "do you want me to spank you" then i would carry the threat.

But it was for bad things like dangerous things.

I wouldnt smack because they wet their pants or spilt a drink, it had to be really bad, like running in the road or once Tom swore at me.

I admit one time Tom was getting hysterical about something and i could shake him out of it so i tapped him on the face, and it made it worse and i felt so bad i never did it again, but there have been times when it stung my hand too.

I couldnt do it now, but i have to say i did fly at Tom not so long ago and i raised my hand, he shot off the seat like i dont know what and he said i thought you were going to hit me, but he got me so wound up that although i wouldnt have it made him think!

He too big now and hed hurt me now, Gemma, bless i couldnt hurt her shes my baby, but shes had smacks on the bum when she was little. I find that reasoning with them is a much better tool, and if all else fails take something valuable like computer or xbox!

So it seems the consensus is that a little smack on the butt's alright, more for shock than pain, I agree!

And it all seems that it's normal to have atleast "lost" it once and gone a little overboard with out it becoming abuse. I admit I did a horrible thing one time. I was brushing Aaralyn's hair and she hardly had a tangles that time and kept telling me I was pulling her hair, I was not, I know I wasn't, she was just being "dramatic" (she was probably about 3ish). I got frustrated and yanked on a chunk of her her (harder than I should have) and said "that's what it feels like when I'm pulling on it!!" I immediately felt like a piece of scum for it and she immediately started crying hysterically... I think it shocked and hurt her feelings and scared her more than it physically hurt because she never would have expected it from me, which made me feel even worse for doing it. I've never "lost" it like that since, but there have been times where's she's pushed me to the edge and I just walk away.

I find with her, when she's having some kind of melt down or drama tantrum, I can be silly and get her out of it and then we talk about it and move on.... of course time outs are pretty great too!!!! She HATES being in time out when she can't do anything but sit there. I put no specific time on her time outs but I make her stay like that until she's calmed and ready to talk about it.

Matter of fact we went through this last night over soda.... she wanted some (she was allowed the night before when we were all on the boat and Amber and her friend "shared" their can of coke with Aaralyn .... the tantrum ("but the only way I can stop crying is if you give me soda" ) went on for about 20 mins and then she realized she wasn't gettin her way and got over it! and she had some lemonaide!

im tap mine on thier hand if theyn iognore thier warnings, if it carries on then they get sent to thier room

I've smacked George before and still do when he is really naughty. I have absolutely no qualms about doing it if and when I feel he deserves it. He gets 2 warnings and the 3rd time it's a smack.

Am not one of the wishy washy brigade who think we should all sit down and talk things over. That just doesn't work and sometimes it's only the shock factor in a smack that does the trick.

Wkdblue said:
I've smacked George before and still do when he is really naughty. I have absolutely no qualms about doing it if and when I feel he deserves it. He gets 2 warnings and the 3rd time it's a smack.

Am not one of the wishy washy brigade who think we should all sit down and talk things over. That just doesn't work and sometimes it's only the shock factor in a smack that does the trick.

I don't think sitting down and talking things over is bad either. That's mostly what I do with Aaralyn and for the most part she is ok with that (many times after she's already been in a time out). So, for me, being part of the that wishy washy brigade that sits down and talks to their children about why they shouldn't do what they were doing, works (most times )

hapydazy said:

Wkdblue said:
I've smacked George before and still do when he is really naughty. I have absolutely no qualms about doing it if and when I feel he deserves it. He gets 2 warnings and the 3rd time it's a smack.

Am not one of the wishy washy brigade who think we should all sit down and talk things over. That just doesn't work and sometimes it's only the shock factor in a smack that does the trick.

I don't think sitting down and talking things over is bad either. That's mostly what I do with Aaralyn and for the most part she is ok with that (many times after she's already been in a time out). So, for me, being part of the that wishy washy brigade that sits down and talks to their children about why they shouldn't do what they were doing, works (most times )

I would guess the talking part depends much on the age of the child. A 2 year old throwing a tantrum is difficult to reason with. I do agree with the talking too. As Jas has got older, I explain things to her and she is fine. I honestly have only ever smacked her once or twice on the bum and that was just because what she was doing was dangerous (ie. sitting in car seat and taking belt off every 2 seconds!). Like most, I would never have smacked from trivial things like spilling food or actually, even when she did a nice height chart on my hall wall in permanent marker (to be honest, I was having a hard time not thinking it really cute as she'd drawn all the little measurements on it too ).

I think how you discipline children does vary on age and their temperment. I know some kids you could talk to until you're blue in the face and they'd just ignore you and others that ignore being smacked.

It's a fine balance but every parent needs the right to do what they feel is appropriate. Like we all agree I think, there is a substantial difference between a tap on the leg or bum and beating a child.

It's been a very interesting topic so far. A great one to raise Hapydazy

I agree, varying levels of discipline should depend on the child's age. I could not reason with Aaralyn very well when she was 2 or 3, but even after she'd been reprimanded or put in time out for something at that age I would talk to her about it after and explain why she got in trouble and how a better way might be to handle the situation next time...

Here's an example of how it has worked recently though... Last night, I walk into her room and she's got something hidden behind her back, guilty look on her face. I ask her what she's doing, she says "nothing" I ask her again, she says, and I quote "Ok, I guess I shouldn't lie since we talked about that"

She had her nail polish (not the real kind, kid's kind that washes off with water) and she was putting it on one of her stuffed animals. I told her I was glad she told me the truth and then I explained why she shouldn't do that... that was it, she got it and we didn't have to go any further with it.... now we'll see if she does it again

Martha too can be talked 'out' of things - such as tantrums - she is of the age when she can see the point and you can talk to her - talking things out is not always the 'wishy washy' solution

My 2yr old has had a couple of taps on the back of the hand and i don't feel guilty for doing it as they were both for V dangerous things. She almost pulled a whole shelf of stock on her on one occasion and it scared the life out of me. Me and my OH were both tapped on the bum when we were kids and i don't have a problem with it. However i do think that is the furthest you should go. I think if you are really het up you should calm down yourself first before you dish any punishments out, so you are thinking clearly and don't go over the top. . i know this is easier said than done though as they can push you to the limits. When i was a child the worst punishment i had was thinking my parents were disappointed in my actions rather than any physical punishment they could have dished out. As a general rule i believe there are better options than smacking, like time out (depending on age) etc. However there definitely are times when a smack/tap on the bum or hand works and stops the bad/dangerous behaviour!

I went to an NCT class the other day and somehow we got onto the subject of discipline (we were all 2nd time mums-to-be and most with young children already).

I nearly fell off my chair when the class leader said that the latest thinking was 'mental punishment', ie. naughty step, stopping them watching their favourite TV programme, etc, is now considered to be cruelty and can affect a child's development in later life. I couldn't help but say what a bunch of rubbish that sounded (which got nods from most of the other mums too).

No wonder we have a society of kids who don't respect adults and run riot if this is the way things are going

What next do we think? Never saying 'no' to your child??? Makes you want to give up and sit in a corner doesn't it!!