i dont know here else to turn

hi all im new here and just been searching the internet for advice ive stumbled acorss this site. I will try not to make this too long but i need to get everything off my chest. My daughter was 7 last month and has always been a really well mannered girl who i am very proud of. she has been part of a majorette troupe since she was 5 and she shines she has done loads of competitions and already has 13 leader and mascot medals and bronze silver and 2 gold.
Her attitude lately at home though is terrible. the way she speak to me her dad and her younger brother is shocking for such a little girl. i will admit i have spoiled her in the past if she has asked for something and i can afford it she has got it. about 3 months ago i stopped this and started reward charts where she now has to work toward getting nice things. she asked for a low bed as she had a mid sleeper and her bedroom was in need of decorating so a few weeks ago me and her aunty decorated the whole room for her she had everything new...wardrobes bed, overbed unit, drawers, otterman for her dress ups. its already ruined shes pulled the boarder off in places and stuck stickers all over the furniture that wont come off. everynight i sit with her and ask her why she does these things and does she know how much she is loved and try to make her happy but nothings working. at school she is in the top group for everything her teacher doesnt beleive me when i say shes been naughty cos shes never in trouble at school.
as soon as she comes out of school we dont even get out of the playground before i am having to ask her to not speak to me like she does. i just feel like she hates me. i know everyone says shes just a normal kid and they all go through it but right now to me it feels like we never gonna get our happy little girl back. me hearts breaking and i cant stop crying all the time because i dont know what else i can do or where to turn to next. i've told her tonight after todays behaviour of pulling more boarder off her wall that she is not going to majorettes and will miss the next competition until after she has learned to behave again but right now i feel thats never gonna happen.

ive rambled on and im sorry but i really need someone to talk to

thanks xxx

Hi Hun, first of all big 's to you, secondly, welcome to JP! You've found a great site with great people and I'm sure you'll get some good responses to your post. With that said, I am wrapping things up at work (I'm 5 hours behind you guys, in the U.S.) and gettin ready to head out the door, but I didn't want to read and run on ya.

It sounds like you're doing the right things so far... I have a 5 yr DD and a 17 yr old step DD who can both be freshies sometimes. Could she be lashing out about something, maybe something at school?? I don't have great advise, I'm sorry but here's another hug

sorry ur going through a bad time at the mo

my daughter is the same babe well they both r

hope u sort something soon cos i havent

welcome to jp though we will keep u sane lol

xx

Hi there Im Lucy and im a majorette mum too!!! My daughter Gemma is 11 and shes been doing Majorettes since she was 8.

I think your daughter is playing up because she can! shes making sure that you give her attention whatever way she can get it.

I suggest that the Majorettes threat is a good one, my daughter would rather die than miss it!!!

I would suggest that perhaps taking away small items first then if she carrys on then the comp idea is a good one.

I remember once my mum caught me playing with matches and i had to miss my brownie camp, i was devestated, i never forgot it, she did and i only reminded her about it last year!!!

Anyways i hope her behaviour improves, but shes a bright girl and if there are no problems at school then tackle this in the home.

Take care and

she could just be trying to show shes not always a good kid. (i kno that sounds silly)
you said shes got 13medals so shes clearly good and if shes top in school aswell she could just be feeling alot of pressure and just needs to make sure everyone knows shes got a bad side aswell.
i remember when i was at school in my GCSE year i was top and being put in for the higher exams i felt the pressure so decided to truant my lessons to show i had a bad side. i know its hard hun but the no majorettes is a good punishment she wont like and will prob protest but be strong keep it up!!
big hugs to you hun and welcome xxxxx

thankyou all for your replies and welcomes. i have spoken to her troupe leader tonight and they have said i can keep her out of the gala on sat and she wont lose her leader or mascot position for the comp so hopefully that may shock her into thinking about her behaviour a little.

thanks again

Is she being bullied at school hun?

I know it may sound silly, but maybe she is coming home and taking it out on you? my brother went through a smiliar stage at about 11, but he was sneaking out of the house even when he was grounded. My mum had to hide the keys and lock the doors. It turned out he was being bullied and beaten up by some older lads at high school and as soon as it was delt with he was back to his old self again.

I hope you can get to the bottom of her behaviour and find a solution. I think that you've done really well to tell her that she can't be in the gala, hopefully it will make her realise you mean business and her bad behaviour can't go on.

thanks again all... a little updte... i know its early days but since i stopped her performing at the gala she has been like a different kid...almost back to herself she came with me to the gala. im the troupes photographer so i still went and she came with me she looked soooo sad while her section that she should be leader for was dancing and the reserve leader took her place it broke my heart but i did it and it seems to have worked im not expecting never to have another naughty day from her but the difference in her is unreal. her troupe leader also took her to one side and said they will be asking me how she is at home and if shes still naughty the next thing will be to miss the competition so hopefully now she knows i stuck to my word and mean it we will see some improvement.
xxxx

Glad it's looking up!! I know that must have been a huge heartbreaker for you but sometimes that shock value works well when they have something so meaningful taken away from them. Keep doing what you're doing, sounds like you're a good strong mum and doing the right things by your little girl!

sounds to me like she is testing her boundaries because you have moved the goal posts (stopping spoiling her) just be firm and consistent with her.