ive had enough and dont know what else to do

sorry its long

with jami. i dont know what to do anymore. where do i start? she steals. it used to be money so she can get sweets. ive now hidden my purse from view so she doesnt do it anymore. the kids are allowed sweets one day a week and i bought the girls some of those maomi strips yesterday and split the bag in half. catherine was in the pool yesterday so never ate hers. because i counted them out i knew there was 10 each. this morning she ate 2 of catherines and completely denied it. thats the main thing though; lying. i hate lying. i married a liar and i wont have my kids doing it. she throws rubbish out of her bedroom window and again completely denies it. james bought a lock at the weekend so she cant open it. its like dealing with a blooming 5 not 12yr old child. im sick of the lying.

shes also very jealous of catherine and its awful to say but she doesnt like catherine at all. if theyre ever left alone shes nasty to her. this morning she wouldnt let her past. just stood in her way. why? ive tried talking to her, grounding her, taking things away (like her tv) but nothing is working. if i punish her it doesnt work as she just doesnt care.

on saturday she wanted to go over to the park on her own. i said no, because its a long way and horrible kids hang out. she stood in the garden and shouted at me. 'YOU ALWAYS RUIN MY FUN!!!!' i told her i wasnt going to argue or have her shouting in the garden so asked her to come in the house. after about 5 NO's from her id had enough and went to physically bring her into the house and she shouted 'DONT HIT ME!' that really upset me as ive not laid a finger on her since she was young and i would tap her hand to stop her touching things. ppl must think i beat her they way she went on. by the time she came in though i was ready to strangle her. she physically drains me and i dont know what to do

aw this is a horrible one my eldest went through a stage of stealin fingers crossed it may stop..do u think she doing it for attention?

Oh hun, I'm sorry I don't think I've ever "seen" you so upset

I'd like to think maybe it's a phase she's going through but it sounds a little deeper than that. Could it be possibly she's acting up because she does not have the same father as the younger ones and is just starting to really understand these things and doesn't know how to let her emotion out about it??

There is that other thing too that could be happening to her at this age.... hormones .... has she gotten her period yet? Maybe if not, she is getting ready to go through that.

Might not hurt to talk to her teacher, or do they have counselors at school you could talk to and then maybe she could as well.. maybe do some venting to an outsider to get to the root of what's causing her behaviour...

I wish you luck hun... I see what 17 yr old girls can be like and it scares me that I have a future 17 yr old girl

thats exactly why shes doing it. james isnt her biological father (hers has never bothered since she was 3 months old when i left him) she loves james and he loves her too and treats her no different from the other two. we talk to her, but she still does it and it seems like all we do is tell her off. its not nice for any of us

tomato stalk her!

That means if shes naughty she has to be by your side, when you go to the loo shes there, when you have to go out shes there when you have to wash up or load the washer/dryer shes there, if she moves she does longer, if shes sassymouth then shes there longer give her a timein!

Shell be resistant to start with, beleive me it works, when i do it with Tom he responds.

If you have to take away TV take it away from every room in the house, if you are at someone elses she has to sit in the corner with her back to the tv and hands over ears, its the humiliation thats the worse for them.

Believe me shell think twice!

Thats my suggestions, oh and hold her hand if you have to!

hapydazy said:
Oh hun, I'm sorry I don't think I've ever "seen" you so upset

I'd like to think maybe it's a phase she's going through but it sounds a little deeper than that. Could it be possibly she's acting up because she does not have the same father as the younger ones and is just starting to really understand these things and doesn't know how to let her emotion out about it??

There is that other thing too that could be happening to her at this age.... hormones .... has she gotten her period yet? Maybe if not, she is getting ready to go through that.

Might not hurt to talk to her teacher, or do they have counselors at school you could talk to and then maybe she could as well.. maybe do some venting to an outsider to get to the root of what's causing her behaviour...

I wish you luck hun... I see what 17 yr old girls can be like and it scares me that I have a future 17 yr old girl

i do think hormones play a part too but i was never like this. shes yet to start her periods but she is 'developing'

we did take her to a counsiller a few years ago who was useless and just basically blamed me for marrying too young wtf? anyways its kind of put me off. they dont have counsillors at the school ubfortunately.

Lucy said:
tomato stalk her!

That means if shes naughty she has to be by your side, when you go to the loo shes there, when you have to go out shes there when you have to wash up or load the washer/dryer shes there, if she moves she does longer, if shes sassymouth then shes there longer give her a timein!

Shell be resistant to start with, beleive me it works, when i do it with Tom he responds.

If you have to take away TV take it away from every room in the house, if you are at someone elses she has to sit in the corner with her back to the tv and hands over ears, its the humiliation thats the worse for them.

Believe me shell think twice!

Thats my suggestions, oh and hold her hand if you have to!

i did have a chuckle reading this but its worth a try. thanks hun. im going to give that a try.

staceyb said:

hapydazy said:
Oh hun, I'm sorry I don't think I've ever "seen" you so upset

I'd like to think maybe it's a phase she's going through but it sounds a little deeper than that. Could it be possibly she's acting up because she does not have the same father as the younger ones and is just starting to really understand these things and doesn't know how to let her emotion out about it??

There is that other thing too that could be happening to her at this age.... hormones .... has she gotten her period yet? Maybe if not, she is getting ready to go through that.

Might not hurt to talk to her teacher, or do they have counselors at school you could talk to and then maybe she could as well.. maybe do some venting to an outsider to get to the root of what's causing her behaviour...

I wish you luck hun... I see what 17 yr old girls can be like and it scares me that I have a future 17 yr old girl

i do think hormones play a part too but i was never like this. shes yet to start her periods but she is 'developing'

we did take her to a counsiller a few years ago who was useless and just basically blamed me for marrying too young wtf? anyways its kind of put me off. they dont have counsillors at the school ubfortunately.

12 is an awkward age, i know, im coming up to that in the next year Gemmas just 11, but Toms 14 tomorrow and hes been through much the same sort of thing lying and being nasty and stealing, its toddler behaviour they are testing your boundarys and its working shes getting up your nose, so be tough and be brave and you are a great mum for caring so much.

Shes at a difficult stage in her life and so are you.

Lucy said:


12 is an awkward age, i know, im coming up to that in the next year Gemmas just 11, but Toms 14 tomorrow and hes been through much the same sort of thing lying and being nasty and stealing, its toddler behaviour they are testing your boundarys and its working shes getting up your nose, so be tough and be brave and you are a great mum for caring so much.

Shes at a difficult stage in her life and so are you.

thanks hunni. that means alot

staceyb said:

Lucy said:


12 is an awkward age, i know, im coming up to that in the next year Gemmas just 11, but Toms 14 tomorrow and hes been through much the same sort of thing lying and being nasty and stealing, its toddler behaviour they are testing your boundarys and its working shes getting up your nose, so be tough and be brave and you are a great mum for caring so much.

Shes at a difficult stage in her life and so are you.

thanks hunni. that means alot

its ok, i thought that id let Tom down in some way because he was acting up, but it passed he had his computer taken away for a long time, i mean long!!!

I think he really realised that we meant business and now he doesnt get away with much, i got my eye on him!!!

Shell get better i promise, it cant last forever. Shes a lively girl from what you say, and shell begin to realise that you mean what you say and follow through everything has to have a consequence to her actions.

Be clear in what you expect and go for it.

I like the idea of 'tomato stalking' very much. The counsellor you saw sounds appalling but please don't let that out you off - the school should have access to an Ed Phsyc (sp), and I;m sure he/she has seen this all before and should know how to deal

Elementary said:
I like the idea of 'tomato stalking' very much. The counsellor you saw sounds appalling but please don't let that out you off - the school should have access to an Ed Phsyc (sp), and I;m sure he/she has seen this all before and should know how to deal

thanks for that. i showed this post to james last night and he thinks the 'tomato stalking' might be defo worth a try. thanks to everyone who replied xx

Have you tried asking your local policeman to speak to her about the stealing from your purse? I have known parents to do that and it freaks them out.

As for the cheek and back chatting I cant think of anything other than what the others have said. Have you spkone to school as they may be having the same problems or give you advice or someone to talk to.

hope it gets better soon.xx

I am wondering if you tried the tomato stalking and how it went? I like the idea of it and may try it with Willem.

My oldest son, Willem (he'll be 13 in October), has lied a lot, and stolen things too including a lap top from school. The lap top incident was last school year and he tried to tell me he won it in a competition at school. He got in a lot of trouble for that one and a policeman visited the home to talk to him. I think that put a stop to most of his stealing ways.

With the stealing, I tell my children if it didn't come from my house then it shouldn't come home. Often Willem would tell me someone gave him something and I would ask the person who he said gave it to him and find out that he simply took it. The only way I could think to stop most of the stealing was to question everything I saw him have that I didn't get for him.

I had to put a stop to trading things too, because that was simply another way Willem would cover up the fact that he was stealing something.

I haven't figured out completely how to get Willem to stop lying but think that some of my words (or somethings) have been sinking in as I believe he is stopping. If not then he has become more clever with his lying.

One thing I have done recently with him is explain how actions, such as lying, can impact other people.

In my experience there is always some privilege or something that will get to a child, the tricky part is that it can often take the parent a long time to figure out what is important to the child.

I hope you find what makes a difference for Jami.

i have to say that since i posted jami hasnt been too bad. i know this is to do with the fact that shes staying with my sister on sat for a fortnight and she knew if she stepped out of line once then she wasnt going. she still lies, but its small lies which dont have much impact but she has been grounded for that a few times. i really dont understand the need for lying.

im still going to use tomato stalking cause im sure she'll be back to her 'lovely' ways once she gets back from my sisters

really sorry yr having problems with william. hope you find something that will work too xx

I really don't like the lying. I know Willem does it in the hopes he won't get in trouble and I've tried to make it worse for him when he tells a lie than if he had just told the truth and taken the consequence.

I have yet to find what will help him stop lying completely.

I'm glad to hear you found something (her visit with your sister) to keep Jami in line at least for a while.

I think Willem lied more during the school year due to him not wanting to do homework. He'd either lie that he'd done it when he didn't or that he had none when he did.

Does Jami lie about homework too?

oh yes. she told us she was doing it during lunch and then i looked through her planner and found she had been getting negatives. she now does it here and if she does do it at school she has to show me.

staceyb said:
oh yes. she told us she was doing it during lunch and then i looked through her planner and found she had been getting negatives. she now does it here and if she does do it at school she has to show me.

Tom does his in his dinner break , i have to check that hes doing it at all, he says hes not getting it but i know he does. Doesnt Jami get a letter home if she gets so many negatives? I know Tom does so he always gets found out

Lucy said:

staceyb said:
oh yes. she told us she was doing it during lunch and then i looked through her planner and found she had been getting negatives. she now does it here and if she does do it at school she has to show me.

Tom does his in his dinner break , i have to check that hes doing it at all, he says hes not getting it but i know he does. Doesnt Jami get a letter home if she gets so many negatives? I know Tom does so he always gets found out

no. they just get stamps in their planner. i have to sign each week and thats how i found them