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Is spanking appropriate for a discipline??

staceybstaceyb
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
- My blog
i have smacked. i dont like too and try to punish in other ways. i was smacked as a child and thats one of the things i remember bout my childhood. i dont want my kids when theyre older to just remember being smacked


sliceslice
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
My son is five and has really bad concentration and behavioral issues.We have tried all kinds of ways to teach him right from wrong and we have had difficulty in most of them.we have tried the naughty step but his concentration is to short to keep him there.we have tried taking away favourite toys but this still has no affect. When he has put himself in danger which happens quite often as he is very impulsive we have smacked him but as some others have said it stoped him for that moment but made us feel really rotten,and he went back at another time and tried the same thing again so he didnt learn from it and also tried hitting others,so to be honest im probably just as confused as yourself in wether it is the best method or not.

FatDadFatDad
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Hi all, I just surfed on in and had a read of this post. My first post so please be gentle!!

I have to say I am shocked at the responses to this thread. I cannot think of a single instance in which smacking a child of any age is justified. We have 2 children under 6 ( our daughter can be positively demonic at times) and have never laid a hand on them. Like most people here I was smacked (often hard - and the 3ft piece of skirting board on top of the kitchen cupboard served as a constant reminder although was never used!)but it served no purpose what so ever, other than to induce fear and mistrust. It certainly didn't stop my awful behaviour later on in life, but thats a different story.

All too often smacking is carried out as a last resort and in anger or frustration. To my mind all this teaches children is that if all other forms of communication fail then it is ok to resort to some form of violence or aggression. This also sends out a confusing message in that if we saw our child hit another we would (hopefuly) tell to stop and that it is wrong. What are they supposed to think?

We don't tolerate the hitting of spouses (or strangers or colleagues) so why is it ok to do the same to children? If you saw me hit my wife across the legs in public you would probably call the police and tell her to leave me !! Yet if its a five year old girl then its ok? Explain that one to me.

Anyway rant over and just in case anyone is wondering I am part time house husband and child carer as we run our own business and we are 'definately' not a pair of wet behind the ears liberals. We just think it is plain wrong to hit children in any circumstances.

My 2p for what its worth.

alis378alis378
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
I have smacked my children before but totally regretted it after. I've mainly done it out of sheer frustration and hasnt solved anything. If anything, it hurts me more than my child. I've started using time out since I've started childminding and this does work and has seen an improvement in the behaviour of my son.
Alison
x

bunnigirlbunnigirl
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
do u no i put a pot in and i said that i do smack my children sometimes after recent events in the past few weeks i have some to change my mind and i will never hit my children again
it has come to light that my ex partner who still lived with us has been doing this on a fairly regular occasion and it has caused my children to become un happy and with drawn and scared
i no have unwanted involvement with the social services and i really feel for my children as i dont no how to help them
i will never smack my children again we have started using the time out method which seems to be working ok at the minute
i no some of u may think y did i let this happen well i didnt i was out and my children were scared to tell me and i no it hasnt excused my behaviour when i have smacked them but i only gave them a tap on the hand yes i no thats enough but i have learnt this doesnt solve anything
please dontjudge me but to all those who give their child a tap i would sqay dont i know what u will be goiung through ifu continue and its not nice i would rather have a screaming naughty child than no child at all
xxx

candgsmumcandgsmum
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Bunniegirl, sorry to hear about your troubles, hope they begin to sort out. x

Charlotte has been taught that if she has been asked three times and the behaviour is no better, she gets sent to bed, usually for 10 mins but she is actually usually asleep when we go to get her, which we put down to her being tired and the reason she was badly behaved in the first place. George is only 9 months so he is just learning about his boundries, he is crawling and into everything so we just say 'no' and remove him from the situation.

I'm not going to deny that I've smacked, I have but like has been mentioned already, out of sheer fustration, it didn't help and I felt awful afterwards.

I was smacked as a kid, it was always my dad that did it, I remember being chased up the stairs on several occasions with a slipper and yes I was smacked with it!

lauraannelauraanne
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
lol i know the slipper and i remember the chasing up the stairs! there are times i feel like doin the same, but then i stop my self and remind my self that garry is only a toddler. i agree disiplin should start early, using the naughty step dont work for me,puttin him in his room and closing the stair gate usually sorts him out, i do this for 2 mins and he behaves rest of the day. garry is quite well behaved, for now! iv smacked garry b4 when out of sheer frustration or because he's gave me such a fright and i just spook out, but u do end up feelin bad after it and the child knows this lol wee moneys! iv gave up smackin, im tryin the sit there n dont move, at my feet, like my dad did with me, its workin so far Smile

kelkel
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
i dont think a smack on the hand or legs does any harm as the last resort. my mum smacked me a few times andit did me no harm at all. although with the amont of cases we see these days on chlid abuse you must be careful, there is a line and u must never cross it!!!!!! i also agree with chizzlet and her method. its a hard subject coz we dont ant to hurt our kids but sometimes a smack is the only thing left to make a child realise they are naughty......god i wish there was a better way of wording somethings, o matter how i ord my post it sounds terrible Crying

imakeboysimakeboys
posted 1 decade 4 years ago

FatDad said:
Hi all, I just surfed on in and had a read of this post. My first post so please be gentle!!

I have to say I am shocked at the responses to this thread. I cannot think of a single instance in which smacking a child of any age is justified. We have 2 children under 6 ( our daughter can be positively demonic at times) and have never laid a hand on them. Like most people here I was smacked (often hard - and the 3ft piece of skirting board on top of the kitchen cupboard served as a constant reminder although was never used!)but it served no purpose what so ever, other than to induce fear and mistrust. It certainly didn't stop my awful behaviour later on in life, but thats a different story.

All too often smacking is carried out as a last resort and in anger or frustration. To my mind all this teaches children is that if all other forms of communication fail then it is ok to resort to some form of violence or aggression. This also sends out a confusing message in that if we saw our child hit another we would (hopefuly) tell to stop and that it is wrong. What are they supposed to think?

We don't tolerate the hitting of spouses (or strangers or colleagues) so why is it ok to do the same to children? If you saw me hit my wife across the legs in public you would probably call the police and tell her to leave me !! Yet if its a five year old girl then its ok? Explain that one to me.

Anyway rant over and just in case anyone is wondering I am part time house husband and child carer as we run our own business and we are 'definately' not a pair of wet behind the ears liberals. We just think it is plain wrong to hit children in any circumstances.

My 2p for what its worth.



I have read and understood your post although i think you are a bit harsh.
I too was smacked, punched thrown down the stars etc.. but in many ways i didnt ask for it.
Some children need to learn - im sorry but thats my oppinion.
Just talking to a child or even shouting stop it sometimes isnt enough.
I do not hit or thump my children if i were to tap him it would be a tap, a tap on the hand nothing bad enough to bruise or leave a mark, a subtle gentle tap to warn him.
If that still doesnt snap him out of his mood it would be straight to bed.
I am a good mum and i dont think that you should come here and not understanding situations.
Everyone has their own oppinion and own parenting tequniches so its up to the parent to do what they see fit - as far as the child is not being abused.
There is a fine link between a quick tap and full on child abuse.

v_preciousv_precious
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Smacking IS appropriate as dioscipline BUT spanking and hitting/ beating IS NOT!!!
I have a 10 year old who I have smacked but only maybe once or twice in a year. I have smacked him before when I have lost my temper but that did nobody any good. I just felt totally awful.
I feel that children need boundries and for some children time out stair or thinking corner etc works really well but for others it just does not work. If a child knows that what is threatened is really carried out they understand that parents mean business so they take more notice than those parents who do not carry out a punishment (whether that be smacking OR taking toys away or whatever) and will spend lots of time pushing boundries.I tend to give 3 warnings and then smack. I have found that if they are testing the boundries sometimes they just need the smack and then they calm right down because they know where they stand. I have to be calm though. However my husband has only smacked twice EVER.
Suspect However I am often at a complete loss at what to do with my 3 year old who is a very active, bright and willfull little lady. Some days it is a 20 minute tantrum every couple of hours.
AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!!!

boosmummyboosmummy
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
I was smacked as a child by both parents. My mum would only smack us on the bum or back of legs after 3 warnings and there and then. She made sure we knew what we'd been doing wrong so we soon learnt not to do it again. Before the age of 3 tho we'd only get a tapped hand or little smack on a nappy. My brothers and I didn't grow up warped or violent because of a small smack or tap now and again, we're just normal everyday people like most of us. Our eldest is nearly 3 and def pushing boundaries, we use the time out method most of the time along with removing his cars and dvds (which works great most of the time) but sometimes he pushes just that little bit too much esp when he's hitting our youngest son who was 1 last week. He's had a tapped hand for it but we try to use the time out method most. If it gets to the point where he needs it then he will be smacked on his bum. We don't do it hard or very often and it def hurts us more than him. If more parents gave proper discipline then there wouldn't be so many yobs round!

GazelleGazelle
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
This is such a touchy subject. I would like to think that I'd never smack my LO but use other methods of discipline instead. I was smacked as a child on occasion and I'm not mentally or phisically scarred by it. It was acceptable back then.

To say we live in a 'free society' there seems to be more rules and regulations we are supposed to abide by than at any other point in history. There seems to be a 'right' and 'wrong' way to go about everything!

xxx

v_preciousv_precious
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
I agree it is a very touchy subject which I have debated with a Health Visitor many times. We agree to disagree.

There is just such a big difference between 'smacking', 'hitting' and 'beating'. I think a smack (not even hard) when the child is given warnings, when a parent is not feeling really angry is not a bad thing. It is also important not to do it all the time, it should be last resort. I don't think the sort of parent who does this is the sort of parent that necessarily beats and abuses their children.

Problem comes when a parent can't discipline a child because they are scared to do anything. It just breeds the kind of children who think they can do what they like, when they like and cannot respect anything or anyone.

However each child is different and for some you don't need to smack them at all.W

When I was little a quick smack, which was over and done with swiftly was preferable to other punishments e.g. conviscation of toys or being grounded.

LadybugLadybug
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Last edited by Ladybug 1 decade 4 years ago
I agree with a number of points made on this thread. Bizarely, I agree with 'Fatdad' and 'Boosmummy', which I suppose shows my mixed feelings on the topic.

My Katie is only one year old, so we haven't been faced with a 'should-we-smack' issue, as yet. For some people smacking isn't an issue at all - they just won't do it. I, however, was brought up by the hand, so it's my natural instinct to discipline physically.

I believe that smacking is not the answer, yet it is (well, was) instinctive for me to raise my hand when something angered me. It seemed natural to resolve a situation with a short, sharp slap, in the hope that there would be a negative memory associated with the bad behaviour.


I do not want to hit her - ever! But I am aware of the fact that it is effective in discouraging bad behaviour. I am probably going to go along the naughty step road, and maybe even a reward system like we do in school. Who knows if it will actually work. I hope it does.

TamTam
posted 1 decade 4 years ago
Ladybug... Arent you meant to be at school teaching??
Skiver Tounge Out

I dont really believe in smacking as I was like ladybug, smacked as a child and I remember it very clearly and I also remember how much I resented my mum for it. I didnt really understand why I was being smacked only that my mum was angry with me and my bum was sore!

I dont want to smack Nate but I also remember as a child doing thing repetedly after being told not to, so I now see why my mum smacked me. Nate is very much like me and I think I'll be use the time out method and the naughty step rather than smacking.

I dont want him having horrible childhood memories and i certainly dont want him to resent me.

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