Had to leave.. did I do the right thing...reassurance needed

Morning everyone, I am new to this site and thought I would share something with you as its quite upsetting what has happened in the last few months while I have been with someone and need some reassurance really and positive feedback to keep me on a level par - before my emotions grab hold of me and throw me back to him!

I met my partner online in Sept time, and at that time he was buying out his ex partner he was living with for 5 years. We were so into one another and he was very intense with me at the beginning I was overwhelmed at one point. It was nice but intense, very intense and he was contacting everyday, every minute and every moment. It was nice but a few hiccups with his ex re money was one issue. He had to give her a fair amount but in the end he could only afford to buy her out half of what she asked for, she has already moved out somewhere else and by this stage money was an issue, particulary as his mortgage was verging on £300k on top was a re loan and a remortgage so there wasnt any money to go out anywhere. That was one...here is another...

Within the first month one night he was totally drunk like I have never seen anything like it, he was a different person altogether, and all over the place, he was ill and took a while to recover from that episode. I have never seen it before and was totally embarrassed as well, he was quite voilent with someone else and said he didnt know what he took that night and said it was the tequila shots which made him turn......??

The next was in London, we were meant to be going out and he promised he wouldnt get in that state again but in the end he kind of did and it ruined our night he started crying and said he didnt want to lose me as he loved me dearly and didnt want this to jeopordise the relationship.

He says he doesnt want to be with someone who is up and down and wants me to be happy all the time, otherwise he will leave and normally he would have left by now or treated me like dirt and been a lad like he had in the past..I was quite shocked by this comment and felt somewhat deflated....

So benefit of the doubt and we were back again on track then I find out he is on a dating site and last time he was on it was at Christmas while I was at work and we were suppose to be going then, again I confront him and he completely denies it and then comes off the site altogether. I said to him I needed time out because if its not one thing I keep on waiting for the next thing to happen.....in that time off he emails another woman asking her what she is up to over New Year.....again I wasnt too impressed even though he tried to woo me back to him in that time. I was thinking ......ok here is another one what next!

After weeks of him desperately trying to get me back, We are back together again, the physical side is wonderful and the passion is always amazing......then we are hit with something else. I cant seem to trust him at that time and brought up the issue saying if he does anything like that again I am out of here because I can only give someone one chance and then I feel used. He says again that he wants someone happy all the time and someone who isnt moody otherwise it wont work ( I was confused and throw it back saying "well its you isnt it, that is causing this upset all the time not me!" and "dont blame me or tell me never to bring it again otherwise he will leave me..because that is a cop out!")

So then I find out something which is the final straw.....he emails a friend saying he is looking forward to football and that he will buy him a few drinks and maybe a bit of the other which he hasnt seen in a long time. When I confront him about this, apparently its drugs, cocaine......that was it and off I go to leave him.

Since I left him, I have had to change my mobile number, I blocked him from my email address at work and at home hotmail account because he has been sending emails to me daily, hourly and every minute he can get, then as they cant get through he sends emails via a different name to get through to me.

To top it all off, I am on a new dating site, he tracks me down and contacts me on there, so I have to come off completely, I am on another site and he tracks me down again only to send another email to me....I cant win or get away.

I feel totally drained, shattered and emotionally wrecked by it all, I cant get my head around it and feel like I have been turned upside down inside out. He cant stop the contact even though I have told him too, he has said this is horrendous and cant believe we have broken up when clearly there was never any grounding there in the first place and then he acts like this?

Please can someone shed some light, I feel like I am going insane here........please tell me he has a problem with something, part of me thinks its addiction, the other part doesnt know what to believe as his classic saying is "I dont want to jeopordise the relationship ever, so I am having being doing anything behind your back Jo!" (even though I have all this evidence behind me)

I cant believe him though
jo xx

unless you start to respect yourself,he or anyone that comes along will never respect you.read what you have put and count the times you have forgiven him.what does this tell you?

secondly-why are you so adament on meetin the perfect guy on dating sites? get off them and get out there and have some fun! the problem with datin sites/the net is that people can be who they want,be it telling lies to impress or makin out theyr innocent when they could be a loon out on day release!

I understand where you are coming from, but I have never done this in the past to be honest so its not something its repeating in my life for any reason.....I didnt know what I was getting myself in for until a few months down the line......and in all honesty do have respect for myself, I wont even let other people walk over me nor would I tolerate it, so this is a first...and didnt see it coming...

thanks
jo

Hi. As Hayley said you've taken him back a few times before and know he things you will jump when he says something. Just keep ignoring him or email him saying you don't like him harassing you and that if it carries on you will contact somebody about it.

Go out and have some fun, websites are all good but you dunno the person properly. Relationships are good but enjoy yourself you've got your whole life to settle down with a guy and you might not even find the right one till your old lol (maybe I should listen to my own advice HAHA)

thanks for your reply, now that is good advice.....might be another 10 at this rate knowing me!!

regards
jo

hopefully then hun this is somethin u will learn from.

just dont let how he has been affect future relationships.yes thers lots of b**tards out there,but theres also many great guys too-it just takes time findin our very own mr right

definitely a massive learning curve which has set me back a few emotions lately but not put me off completely just yet.

thanks again
jo

jojo2675 said:
thanks for your reply, now that is good advice.....might be another 10 at this rate knowing me!!

regards
jo

Its okay hun, I just split up with someone recently and it is very hard but try to stay positive. Mr Right is out there somewhere (I hope) lol.

you poor thing, hope it wasnt as painful as mine......and you are ok?

jo

Sorta getting there only time can tell

TBH hun, sounds like you did the right thing to me. x

My only bit of advice hon, is don't be chased away from sites or places you want to be. An ex-boyfriend of mine split up with me and then HE decided to STALK ME! I couldn't figure it out. At first I didn't let it bother me as it was just odd texts, visits to my website (I had a personal one then) and emails which I could ignore. It developed to CDs, letters, notes, books, DVDs, etc being put through my letterbox in the early hours of the morning, riding past my house on his motorbike day and night, etc. I finally got fed up when I got around 20 text messages one day. I called the police and reported it. They were pretty good about it and took it seriously. They visited him and gave him an 'informal caution'. He went away for about 3-4 months then started again but just one email in a month or one gift randomly arriving at my house. He's finally gone away altogether now but for a while, it made me nervous being at home on my own. I felt kinda trapped although I didn't fear him (he'd never hurt me other than emotionally by leaving) and I couldn't understand why someone who left me would then turn into a stalker.

Get out there and have some fun. You find the nicest people in the strangest places sometimes. Maybe see if you can join a club so you have a common interest with the people you meet or hook up with some friends and go to a nice bar/restaurant with some music and just have some fun.

You have made a great step in the right direction. As they always say - never go back!

Lots of love hon.