Join JustParents for free to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join JustParents

I really want a baby

NikNox2007NikNox2007
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
Hi guys,

I'm 26 and have been with my boyfriend (who's 37) for three years. I have a decent education, my own flat, a good job, and a loving family and supportive parents and life is going pretty well at the moment. I've been feeling really broody over the past six months and have thought long and very hard about the prospect of having a baby, although there are lots of things that are holding me back (like whether it's the right time in my life, whether I could really put my career on hold etc) but the broodiness is starting to become all-consuming and I really don't know what to do. I'd love to have a baby now but somewhere in the back of my mind, something is saying in a rational way 'No! Wait for another five or six years before you do something as major as this!' and part of me knows that I should be going out to enjoy myself and make the most of my freedom years while I can. The thing is, I know that it's never too late to have a child (well, biologically maybe) but I know that it can be too early and I'd be heartbroken if I couldn't give the baby what it needed (even though I'd give it the best life I could) and I'd be unhappy if I felt unfulfilled career-wise etc. It's tearing me apart at times and sometimes I just wish I had enough patience to say 'Stop and wait a bit longer!' I guess if I don't have the patience to wait, then it obviously means I don't have the patience to have a child. Can anyone give me ant good advice and say when they think is a good time (or not) to have a child and tell me in all honesty whether I'm just being impatient and selfish? Please help guys! Thanks!


Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
nobody is ready for a baby when it fineally comes to it! we all want them but when that + shows up,all things run through your mind.with me i was on the pill and didnt want kids til i was at least 30 - i fell preg when i was 20.but i can honestly say its the best thing ever - yes we have scraped now and then but if it means me going without a night out or a new top so my son can get the best - then that is what i will do!

as for your career - you wont put it on hold unless you chose to pack in your job! you dont have to take the full 9months maternity! you can leave for maternity 2wks before due date and be back work a month later! providing you have organised child care ect.

what you dont say tho is whether your flat is ideal for raise kids - its situation,people around it,is it multistorey? i lived in a flat when i was preg surround by drug dealers and alcoholics! there was no way i was brining my baby into an environment like that so we got our house.another thing is you havent mentioned your partners feelings - what does he think? have you both spoke about this?

as for your age - no, your never too old to have kids.my mum had me at 39 and theres women out there in the 60s still having children!!! the only problem is that the older you get the harder it is to concieve.your ovaries are at their peak between in your early to mid 20s.another risk factor is the complications the older you are,your at more chance of things - but even so - this is a very slim chance.

follow your heart and if your having doubts - its probably not the best time for you.but if its meant to be,it will happen!

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
I had my first at 21 and second at 24, both of which were planned but first time round I had similar feelings as you as I'd just gone through all these courses aiming at a career. I was worried that if I then had a baby I would have wasted all that hard work. I have to say though that as you have already established a career it will be easier for you to go back to it and possibly bargain for part time hours etc, whereas it's harder for people starting from scratch after having kids. Also you've said about the 'right' age and I must admit that when I look back I don't think it would have hurt to have waited a couple of years to start a family as 21 was fairly young. But now at the age of 26 myself I am well and truely settled in my mothering role and think this is a great age to be a mum-for me anyway. Every parent will tell you there is no 'perfect' time, but if the feelings have already been there for 6 months they must be pretty strong. Talk it through with your other half. Good luck.

catgirl_872catgirl_872
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
this is prob not good advise LOL but i think ur at the right age to have kids plus everythin is goin for u, ur BF is older so maybe he doesnt wanna wait any longer u dont really say about him. im in college at the mo well im goin bk for the day on the 7th to find out what ive got to do at home then im takein 2 months off after kyle is born.it seems like u have had a really long think about it like 6 months LOL end of day its up to u Very Happy xxxxx

WolfblassWolfblass
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
NikNox Hi Very Happy

I'm Beccy, 25 and mummy to my gorgeous daughter who is 4 in just over a week!

I fell pg by surprise when i was 21 and on the depo injection.

At the time i was havingthe time of my life! A good job, a brilliant relationship with a man i'd been with for nearly 4 years and i hadn't thought about having babies so young!

I decided to become a sahm and have acareer break after babe was born, but just before she turned one DP lost his job and that ended up with a nasty lengthy employment tribunal and us in a lot of debt and a really dark place.

I went back to work, changed jobs and re-started my career, i helped DP build a business which is now going from strength to strenght and i know that becoming a mummy gave me some very valuable skills to take with me in the workplace.

Becoming a parent is the BEST thing that could ever happen to you! I do not believe there is ever a 'right' time as you do not know what the future holds...

All i know that having my beauty has enabled me to get on with the life i want to have and taught me valuable lessons. A great job, a loving family and a business to develop.

Hayls82Hayls82
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
Nik

I'm Hayley, I am 25 and pregnant with my first baby, all I wanted to say is echo what some members have already said, there is some good advice there.
What I would say is that you can never 'ready', we started trying after we got married, thinking we were ready and now I am pregnant I realised there is soooooo much to do and arrange etc LOL.
You say you don't have the patience to wait and could that mean you don't have the patience to have a child - that's not true, you dont feel you have the patience to wait because your broody hunny.
You can work up till the end of pregnancy and take maternity leave and go back if you have good childcare - all I would say is talk with your partner, see what he feels and go from there.
Whatever you decide hunny all the very best xxx

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
Hi hun, I was not ready when I fell pregnant either (or so I thought LOL), I was 32, had no other children and it happened the second time that my daughter's father and I were intimate with each other. I was so scared when I found out. Her father "broke up" with me the day I told him I was pregs. The relationship with us was not meant to be but my daughter was soooooo meant to be whether I knew it then or not, I sure know it now and have from the day I spoke to her the first time when she was in my belly.

If you think you aren't ready emotionally then it may not be a bad thing to wait, but I think when it happens, then from that point it is meant to be... I hope that made some kind of sense hun Embarassed

Hailzw86Hailzw86
posted 1 decade 1 month ago
I'm Hayley and I also have the same problem. I'm 22 this month and last year I thought I was pregnant. I hadn't had a period for 82 days. At the time it was unexpected and I wasn't sure if I was ready or not but I talked about it with my Fiance and we decided it was what we wanted. It turned out I wasn't pregnant after all and it broke our hearts. After that we decided to start trying.

I'm very broody also and can't stop thinking about babies. In my heart I know I want one but even though we are trying, I still wonder if now is the right time. I sometimes panic at the thought of it happening and if we could cope financially and emotionally etc when it eventually does happen.

On top of that I also worry if it is ever going to happen as we have been trying for nearly 9 months. My period is quite irregular, for example, the past 12 months of my cycle have been as follows:
9, 21, 82, 35, 43, 37, 50, 34, 35.
Taking into account all of this I have no idea when I'm meant to ovulate which makes me think it's my fault.

All I could say to give you advice is try and follow your heart. If, like me, you can't stop thinking about babies and know deep down that you will do everything in your power to provide for the child, why not try for one? It will happen when it's meant to happen (as I have to keep telling myself) and reading some of the other topics, it could take years.

I hope I've managed to help in some way.

If anyone has an opinion on my comment please reply or message me.

Good Luck with your decision and be sure to let me know what you decide.

Join JustParents for free to reply

Search forums

Latest Reviews