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Rebuilding a relationship after a separation

posted 1 decade 6 years ago

Earlier in the year my wife left me, as you probably remember from some of my posts. Immediately afterwards she started seeing somebody else. A few weeks ago, I think she suddenly had a massive realisation that she had made a massive mistake.

She is making all the noises of somebody that is about to say that she wants to try and work things out, although she hasn't actually said it yet. I'm trying not to think about this too much until she does, but it is hard not to. This all happened just after I had been out with a female friend that I had not seen much of since leaving school. She was jealous and shouldn't have been if she'd made the right decision.

I just wanted to find out from people that have been in the same situation and what they have done.

We separated back at the end of May, but she continued to live in the same house as me until September. During this time she would go off to see her boy friend who I know she slept with only a week after telling me that we were over. Since moving into her own place she has had him up to stay and my kids know something was going on. Not long ago he got her a tatoo around her wrist as a present. It was something that she had wanted.

My problem going forward if we were to try is that there is a permanent reminder of what she has done to us tatooed around her wrist. Additionally I am the sort of person that never forgets, and I could easily see this coming up in arguments, or just as a snipe. For example, walking along the street I might notice an attractive woman but would never do anything about it. She would have a dig at me for looking and then I'd probably respond along the lines of "Well at least I only looked". And being the reasonable person I am, I would understand her only taking that sort of thing for so long.

Any ideas or suggestions?

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
Hi ya,i guess only you can make that decision of giving this relationship another go,it sounds like you know you might have a problem with letting go of the past as you were hurt pretty bad(i dont blame you)as i used to be the type of person to bring things up and throw them in my x husbands face to constantly remind him of what he had done (it didnt help our relationship but it made me feel better even if it was just for 5mins)lol
It sounds to me that she wants the best of both worlds now that you have been in contact with another woman she has reigninted feelings for you????I think maybe you being single brings her comfort in knowing that if her relationship with her current boyfriend fails she has you waiting for her in the background.
I hope this doesnt sound to harsh as it is only my opinion.As i said only you can make that type of decision and just remember how it will effect you and your children in the long run.Good luck sorry i wasnt much help.Jo

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
this sounds exactly like my sister and her ex...

my sister left her ex for his best mate - she tok the kids with her and moved in with him, it was ok for her to go off with another guy but if shefound out that the ex had another girl over for even something small like a drink or meal - she went mental 'i better not find any bitches have been in my house' or 'i better not find hes been takin people on holiday in our caravan'!!

i know i should side with my sister on everything but we had a huge row as i told her how selfish she was - there she wasliving this happy life with his best mate, has everything and he wasnt even aloud to move on in fear of how she would react! she walked away from their house, from their caravan, from their life together, so how on earth did she have the cheek to go mad at him - she has now had another child with the friend and 4yrs on still gets funny if her ex is with another girl!! iv never really been in this situation but to me i think its a way of how us females act! i know myself that if me and kev every split id hate the thort of him with another woman.

personally i think its a jealous thing - the woman has so much responsibilty as more often that not, its them with the kids - they probably feel (evenif it is their fault the relationship broke down) that you can now do what you want with no worry of the kids - whereas they still have others to think of!

dont let her get you down, alls that matters is your kids and as long as you are their for them, dont let nothing else bother you.

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